Everyone turning against me

Esme17Esme17 Posts: 171 The Mix convert
So i have been struggling recently with things going on and now its got even worse with people making comments to me at training. I was feeling really low on Thursday and i ended up cutting for the first time again in over a year which i now feel is a massive set back for me. I knew it was stupid as soon as i did it.

At training, people told me that i was attention seeking and that i should just kill myself and that if i did, no one would care or miss me. It made me feel really upset and i didn't know what to say to the people at the time so i just left the pool. I had to train again this morning but was running and so i wore a long sleeve top but they kept bringing it up and trying to see the cuts and make comments.

i really dont know what to do anymore :(

Comments

  • CharlotteCharlotte Posts: 227 The Mix convert
    Hi Esme,

    ​I am sorry you had to experience that it sounds horrible. Selfharm is defiantly not attention seeking. Are you able to talk to the people which said this to you about the way things actually made you feel? Do you have a coach which you train with?

    ​Hope to talk again soon, always here for you.

    Charly
  • Esme17Esme17 Posts: 171 The Mix convert
    Hi Charly.

    I kind of lost it with them and then told them how it was making me feel but they didnt seem to care much at all. There is our coach but i wont be able to speak to him about it because he would then speak to the people who said stuff to me and i think it will be worse if that happens if im honest.

    Thanks!

  • CharlotteCharlotte Posts: 227 The Mix convert
    hi esme,

    ​Well done for talking to them though, even though it may feel like they didn't care hopefully this will make them stop. How you feeling at the moment.

    Charly
  • Esme17Esme17 Posts: 171 The Mix convert
    It hasent made them stop. They have sent me messages on Facebook and said stuff this morning at training too. I just want to give up with it all.
  • CharlotteCharlotte Posts: 227 The Mix convert
    I am really sorry that this hasn't made it stop are you able to block them on social media? You shouldn't have to give up and do you have anyone at training which its saying stuff to you at the moment.
  • Esme17Esme17 Posts: 171 The Mix convert
    Yeah if I wanted to I could I guess. I don’t see the point in it because I will have to see them at training anyway so it’s better to let them say what they want.
    Sorry for being so stupid about this. I don’t know why it’s getting to me this much.
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 648 Extreme Poster
    Hey Esme,

    ​Really sorry to hear that you're going through this :crying:​ I went through something similar in school where people noticed cuts and I tried to make up lies, but they all figured out I was self-harming. People just seem to assume it's for attention, but attention is really the last thing anyone in your situation wants.

    ​It's one of those things were people don't understand it unless they've been through it, so it's difficult for the people at training to know what you're going through. That said, the way they've reacted is awful, and I'm so sorry you've had to put up with them :(

    ​Are there any ways you've tried getting around the negative attention? Have they worked?

    ​Everyone gets over it eventually, hopefully these people will stop talking about it soon. The only advice I can give is to try to not react to it, because it sounds as though they're bullying you, and bullies feed off reactions. And I know how difficult it can be, but try and not let any of this stop you going to training or let it bring you down, because you deserve to do what you want and if the people at training are putting you off it, then really the problem is with them not you.

    ​You can always come on here for advice and support, so please do :)

    ​Hope things get better soon, and good luck with training!
    Aidan :rainbow::rainbow2:

  • Esme17Esme17 Posts: 171 The Mix convert
    Thanks Aidan.

    I just dont know what to do anymore to stop them so i am just letting them do what they want. I just dont see how them telling me to kill myself is making them happy. It just horrible. I really want to enjoy training but i cant at the moment because of what people are saying to me there. Its making me not want to go anywhere in case people notice and say something.

    Hope you are okay?
  • CharlotteCharlotte Posts: 227 The Mix convert
    Esme your not being stupid at all and it’s completely understandable why this has upset you, is a horrible thing for people to do.
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 648 Extreme Poster
    Charlotte is totally right! It's an awful thing these people are doing and you're not stupid at all. I wouldn't want to go wherever people were like this to me either.

    I'm not doing too badly now, nobody at college really knows what I'm like, thank you for asking :)
  • Esme17Esme17 Posts: 171 The Mix convert
    I do feel stupid though because it was my choice to cut and so I brought this all on myself. To be honest I did think about what they said to me and I think they might be right. I don’t have anyone to talk to apart from you guys here.
  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 648 Extreme Poster
    Hey again Esme
    Esme17 wrote: »
    I do feel stupid though because it was my choice to cut and so I brought this all on myself. To be honest I did think about what they said to me and I think they might be right. I don’t have anyone to talk to apart from you guys here.

    ​I'm really sorry you feel like this

    Feeling like it's all your fault when it seems everyone is against you is so common :( You're not alone with those feelings. You don't need to blame yourself, it sounds as though these people at training who found out are belittling you and bullying you so so much. Their actions aren't your fault.

    ​Many people here, and myself, struggle with self-harm every single day, and some days it's a one-sided battle that we just can't win. You just had one of those days. That isn't your fault. And you're really not stupid.

    ​Always here if you want to talk,
    ​Aidan :rainbow::rainbow2:

  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 242 The Mix convert
    Hi Esme

    I am so sorry you are going through this. A lot of the time people who have not had experience of cutting think that it is attention seeking, which is totally wrong, they just don't understand. I know it's so hard, but please try not to take to heart what they are saying... People make really stupid comments to make light of situations they don't understand sometimes. That said, it's completely unacceptable what they said to you and it is bullying. I completely understand why you're feeling low. Do you have anyone at training who don't join in with them, that you can hang out with?

    Do you want to talk through what happened before training, you said you have been struggling with things recently? We're all here for you and we care. The Mix also has a free phone number if you want to talk, it's open from 11am-11pm [URL="tel:08088084994"]0808 808 4994[/URL]

    Really hope this gets better.

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • Esme17Esme17 Posts: 171 The Mix convert
    Hi @Lucy307

    Thanks for bothering to reply to me! They dont seem to understand that what they are saying is having an effect on me and making me feel worse. i am trying not to let it get to me but failing at that badly. I have to train with the guys because of ability levels so im not with my friends during training, only getting changed and after training.

    What happened before is on another thread somewhere i think but basically i lost a friend to suicide and it was the third anniversary on Thursday which is what made me cut and started all this. I was also struggling with things going on with my dad but that is kind of sorted now we have had the results back so it should be fine (hopefully)!

    Hope you are okay?

    - Esme x
  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 150 The Mix convert
    Hi Esme,

    How you doing now and is has anything improved with the people which you have to train with?

    Also have you had support based on the friend which you lost or is this something you would like? As it can hard thing to go through.

    Hope to here from you soon.

    Rayofhope:rainbow:
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • Esme17Esme17 Posts: 171 The Mix convert
    Hey @Rayofhope!

    Nahh nothing has really changed with the comments and that. If anything it has gotten slightly worse recently as they have started messaging me online and getting more people to join in. Im trying to ignore them and what they are saying but its really hard and getting to me a little bit :(

    I haven't had any support with the loss of my friend. School tried to make me see a counsellor just after it happened but i hate talking about my feeling to people for some reason and so i stopped going and haven't really spoken about it since which has also been hard but i think i have got use to not talking about things. Im not really sure if i would be able to speak to someone.

    Esme
  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 150 The Mix convert
    Hi Esme

    Sorry to hear that things have got worse especially with all the comments online as well. I know before you had talked about not wanting to talk to a coach and you didn't want to block anyone as you felt it would make things worse. Are you still feeling the same way or do you think if you have a discussion with the coach it could help?

    I can be hard to talk about feelings which we have, so well done for coming on here and talk about things. Would you like to try and talk to someone again?

    Rayofhope:rainbow:
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • Esme17Esme17 Posts: 171 The Mix convert
    I did try and have a conversation about it with one of the coaches earlier in the week but i got too scared and ended up crying and i just walked away without saying anything. I still think it will make things worse and im hoping that this will all stop on its own soon.
    Yeah i think it would help talking to someone for me but its is getting the courage to do it that i will find really hard.

    Esme x
  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 150 The Mix convert
    It can be really hard to talk about things which are going on, well done for trying to talk to your coach about things which are going on even though it didn't work out how you hoped. I hope things get better soon for you.

    It can also take a lot of courage to open up and talk to someone about what is going on and how we feel. Is this something you would like to try even if you then decide you don't want to do it?

    Rayofhope:rainbow:
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • Esme17Esme17 Posts: 171 The Mix convert
    Thank you. Yeah i think i could try it again but i dont hold much hope for it lasting.

    Esme x
  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 150 The Mix convert
    No problem, its all up to you and we are here to support you.

    Rayofhope:rainbow:
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 242 The Mix convert
    Hi Esme

    How are you doing this week?

    I'm so sorry to hear you lost a friend to suicide - I completely understand you would find the time around the third anniversary incredibly difficult. You don't have to struggle through this on your own. Based on personal experience I also really encourage you to talk to someone on the phone/in person if you can. I can't explain, in words, how beneficial my experience of counselling/talking has been - having someone completely new to your situation, not knowing any of the people involved, giving an outsiders perspective is so helpful... It really made me see things in a completely different light. It's easy to shoulder guilt/blame/negative emotions when your sounding board is yourself - we are our toughest critics, after all... What do you think? We would be able to help you find someone to talk to based upon what you feel comfortable with (for example, https://www.7cups.com/ is good as it's all online and confidential, or the Mix's helpline [URL="tel:08088084994"]0808 808 4994[/URL] is good if you feel you can talk on the phone). Of course, we will always be there for you here, too :heart:

    It sucks that you have to train with these guys, they don't sound like the kind of people anyone would want to spend time with. You should give yourself a pat on the back for being the bigger person for still turning up and getting on with it despite them being horrible. Is there a lot of social time at training or can you focus on the training itself? It also sucks that they are trying to get to you online too... Relentless, & sad that they have nothing better to do. Can you block them from contacting you? I'm sure it's boring trying to bully someone you can't get hold of.

    Sending positive vibes :rainbow2::)

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • Esme17Esme17 Posts: 171 The Mix convert
    Hey Lucy, I’m still struggling but I’ll be okay.

    It depends what the set is at training. Sometimes there is more time just stood around then other times during the rest period. I would block them if I could but I don’t think I can because I am the youth captain and so have to be able to contact them and have them able to contact me which sucks.
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