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Dads n daughters 2

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi
Thanks to those who responded to my post.
Some background - married 1979 divorced 1984 when children, daughter aged 1 son aged 3. Maintained contact till daughter 7 son 10, when "alienating process" used by their mother & her family finally achieved no contact. Resablished contact with son now 21 just two months ago - we are getting along fine. Still to meet my daughter although we have exchanged letters and sms text over the past couple of months. My memories are of my kids... not the adults they are now. I love my children, but dont know them. This situation will not be unfamiliar to many I'm sure... but another dimension to the story is that their mother came out as a lesbian 4 years ago and now lives with her new partner and "their" baby... I learned of their mothers sexuality after we married (aged: me 19 she 18)and as her sexuality wasn't a direct factor is our split, I kept quiet about it to protect my children.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm afraid i'm probably not the best to ask about divorce and things like that as my parents are still together. its fabulous that your first thought in everything that has happened has been your children. that shows real love.
    It might be worth not getting too deep into all the family stuff when you first meet her. Do you know how it has all effected her now? If she brings it up and asks questions then be prepared to answer, she is an adult now and will want you to notice that. I really do hope it goes well and you hit it off, i have no doubts that you will.
    How has your son dealt with all the family things that have gone on? you might be able to predict your daughters response on his, although, it might not because they are different people...but you never know. Just be ready for a nice day of talking about relevent things... what she does now what she does in her free time... things like that...
    Good luck...
    P.s. i got the PM.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Tinkabee - you are so astute!...
    I dont know how the family situation has affected her... my son, her brother is ok with the situation and regards "the baby" as his wee sister - which is cool! He did say, however, that when his mum came out, his sister (then aged 15) reacted badly, couldn't leave the family home quick enough and at times wanted to runaway and find me!
    But I feel your advice is good advice, when we meet I shall let her take the lead as to what she wants to talk about... my letters and sms to her have been friendly and humourous. I am hoping to meet her very soon.
    Thanx again, your a gem!
    skitt
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As I said, just be yourself, after all, it is all you can really be. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> Don't stress, just relax and set out to enjoy every moment of her company. With that attitude you can't help but let her see you as caring and genuine in your desire to truly get to know her again.

    She may be a little stressed herself of course. At least you were an adult when you last saw her, she has to base everything on the memories of a seven year old, and the texts and mails you've exchanged recently. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> So help her to feel relaxed and unpressured too.

    Just have a great time. I wish you both joy in your future father-daughter relationship.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think that its really nice that you want to get back in touch. My parents are divorced and sometimes I think that my dad only wants to see my brother (with him being male) and my sister (her being the first born) I feel alone sometimes...
    its nice to see thatsome people will make the effort.

    lotsaluvandluck...wo <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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