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need serious help

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i need real help everyone, i wasnt sure who to turn to for advice.

If you read my earlier post, you will know that i was getting close to a girl who had been sexually abused.

Today she left a message on my voicemail saying she would like to go out with me but she was worried about the age gap (which is about 21 months by my estimates). She also wants me to walk her home on monday.

She then finished of the message saying "i love you" several times.

I need some advice, can you please help me.

thanks,

dai

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey,
    whats the problem hon? is it that she is moving too fast? by saying i love you?

    She probably feels she can trust you and thats why she is letting you get so close, but if you dont feel the same way, then you should tell her before she gets really envolved! As she has been abused before, it must heve taken a lot of time for her to open up to you...so let her know that you care!

    i hope thet helped!!! if i have missjudged the situation then please correct me, can you be a little more specific? what exactly are you worried about?

    luv P!nk xXxXxXx <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="tongue.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im worried about her saying this.

    Last week she didnt want a relationship with me and now she says this.

    Im also a little scared. I know shes been through alot being sexually abused and all but I dont want to get hurt again. My last relationship didnt work out and i got really hurt by it, i dont want that to happen again. <IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can't base a relationship on sympathy.
    If you want a realtionship with this girl, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.
    Set the boundaries (i.e. 'I want to take it slowly') early on so you both know where you stand.
    You'll need to be understanding, but there's no need to treat her as a special case just because of her past.

    [ 17-03-2002: Message edited by: Miss Quoted ]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    awww hon,

    what makes you think that you cant make her happy? why do you think you will hurt her? <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    She may be a little confused with her feelings at the mo, thats probably why she contradicted herself. <IMG SRC="confused.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    i know you are worried about hurting her but you must think about yourself too...dont commit to anything you are not happy with!!! she will understand if she loves you <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    the best thing you could do is talk to her...i know its hard but you BOTH have to make sure you understand each other! This way you will know exactly where you both stand and you can move forward from there!

    i hope that helped!!! i wish you the best of luck!!!

    luv P!nk xXxXxXx <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks P!ink.

    Its not just hurting her that im worried about. Im worried about ME getting hurt. As i said i was seriously hurt by my last relationship so im reluctant to start another one <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> .

    Anyway, thanks for you help <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    Dai
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, you have obviously thought about this... you will have to be cautious for a while and see where things go to prevent being dramatically let down. she is telling you that she can trust you and that she needs you in her life. give her the benefit of the doubt, she may well open upto you. dont be afraid of what she has to offer, or needs to say... <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Tinkabee and all the others for your help.

    Im going to talk to her and i'll see where we go from there <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> . Once again, thanks for you help.

    If i have any other problems or need some advice i know where to come from now on <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    Thanks everyone,

    Dai
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    your welcome dai...and we all wish you the best...gud luck and let me know how it goes!

    luv P!nk xXxXxXx <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hi everyone, thought i mite tell you the latest.

    Im trying to be as good a friend as i can be to her at the moment. But i dont think its the right time to take it any further because of something she told me this morning.

    The boy who abused her was released this morning <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> . She's really upset so im trying to comfort her. It doesnt help that she has her mock SATS this week <IMG SRC="mad.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="mad.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    I'll tell you anything new as it happens! (starting to sound like a newsreader now!! lol).

    Dai
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