Having to send cards & presents to your girlfriend's friends & family!

Former Member

Starting very early on during one of my relationships, my girlfriend expected me to give cards and presents to her friends and family at Christmas, on their birthdays, anniversaries, christenings, weddings etc. I didn't live with her, let alone with any of her friends or family. Some of the people whom she expected me to give to were people whom I'd never met. If the relationship had lasted a year, I'd have had to give things to about 50 people! When I didn't give anything to them, she was angry with me and punished me. She complained that I had disappointed her friends and family, because they were all expecting gifts from me. She never gave anything to any of my friends or family - and I never expected her to. I pointed out that hypocrisy, to which she said it's a one-way obligation.

Is this common - and how can I avoid a similar situation in the future? Why did she think that I'd be giving things to her family and friends - and why did her family and friends expect gifts from me?

Former Member

This definitely seems unfair. I personally would never expect that from someone in your situation. If it were to happen again you could ask your girlfriend if she wanted to get joint gifts? But nothing should be a one-way obligation. I would make it clear that you feel uncomfortable giving strangers gifts, because most people would be. I don't know why her whole family would expect gifts, but I don't think it's common

Former Member

I suggested that - but even that wasn't good enough. She either wanted me to buy and pay for presents that were meant to have been from her - or for me to buy extra presents for them just from me.

She said that it's "a boyfriend's obligation" and that her friends & family "came with her as a package".

I'm no longer in contact with her - I'm asking for advice in case a future gf makes similar demands of me.