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Former Member

I fucking hate Monday nights. Just took myself outside was going to sit in the park but the park gates were closed so didn't stay out long but picked up a piece of glass on the way back. I'm going crazy inside my head, the voices and everything. I've totally Lostsense. Keep seeing writings on the wall, messages to me. The park gates were closed but I heard voices in the park. For some reason I think I have a baby Because I keep having thoughts of harming my baby and stuff, hearing screaming in my baby's monitor. They was coming to drag me to hell. They like me od so I am sick and weak, they love me being weak so I can't fight them. This street is so dangerous anyway since I've lived here in October a man in his car has crawled his car by me twice a few months apart and the 2nd time was a few months ago now too, so I will probably see him again soon. The police patrol the street though I got to the park and pulled on the gates trying to get in, wanting to get in and the police was there just pulled out of a side road. Asking if I was okay out of their window.

Obviously the park is closed now because of the dangers of it being open now but I would of actually pleaded them to kill me, the people with the knifes and guns.

One-in-a-million

Hey lostsense sorry to hear how you're feeling. Have you spoken to one of your support workers?

I wish I could say something useful but unfortunately I don't know what
Xx

Have you thought about writing these experiences down in a diary and then prehaps sharing it (if you feel comfortable) with the support worker, GP or counsellor?

I hope you're ok and I'm sending all my love and hugs to you

EmmaXx

Former Member

I only have (A) support worker she comes in the house everyday apart from weekends 7am-12midday cooks a meal, hands out meds, cleans and anything else that is needed but she hasent been in today so we havent seen her since Friday. She flew over to Spain Saturday and flew back today (I think) as a family member of hers also has cancer...I text her tonight before I walked to the park and again since I've been back and she hasent replied...I haven't really had a good chat with her for ages.

I usually just write my stuff down on here and use it like a dairy.

I've got (A) care co-ordinator too and I'm seeing her next Thursday after my counselling session which is at 11am and care co-ordinator appointment at 1pm however I'll be back at the house roughly at 12:30pm from my counselling session and my appointment with my care co-ordinator is at 1pm so I'll have like 10minutes here then get a taxi to where I see my Care-Coordinator to get there for 1pm. So it's going to be a rush but I'm thinking it will be alright. Just hope the bus dosent crash on the way back from counselling to home.

I don't see gp at my surgery as I'm under CAHMS so I see the doctor from my band team at CAHMS as and when me and my care-co ordinator decide.

So them are the people I basically have in my life.

It's ok not knowing what to say sometimes just a hug or a couple of kisses is okay when we have Lostsense.

xxx