Partner not taking care of self

Former Member

Hi,

My partner struggled with depression, and I'm having a hard time with it as his SO.
I desperately want to connect with him about it, but find myself feeling discouraged and demotivated day after day.
I'm a natural giver, so I'm also concerned that I will give too much of myself and resentment will form. Which is the last thing I want (besides custard bc ew).

How do I strike up a conversation with my lover about how his illness and his lack of attention to it is impacting me?

Former Member

Hi Seaturtlelala,

It's great that you are reaching out and connecting on here! I know the frustrated feeling of trying to reach out to someone who has depression, especially when they are close to you. In your situation you must acknowledge all your feelings and try and distance them from your partner. This helps to avoid any further resentment or conflict. Have you any mutual close friends that you can talk to about this?

I can assure you that it is ok to let your partner know how you are feeling too. But be aware that you separate the illness from the person. You could even phrase your opening "I know you are having a really tough time and I am here for you always. Sometimes, I am finding it difficult to connect with the real you " Maybe try to offer some low key activities such as watching a movie, that he might want to do together. Is this something you think he would interested in?

Also at times like this, and as you say that you give too much of yourself, that you should make sure that you take care of yourself too. Visiting friends, getting out and about, and connecting with others (like on these boards!) if possible, may make you more motivated and encouraged.

We have further information on the topic of partners and depression here: http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/relationships/my-boyfriendgirlfriend-has-depression-6069.html

You may find others who have been in your situation, and offer advice too!

Do let us know how you get on,
Nikki x