I don't know what's wrong with me 😡
I honestly don't know what is wrong with me. I sometimes hear voices, i often have thoughts that don't seem to be mine, as if someone has implanted them into my head, i see things out of the corner of my eye and when i turn to look in that direction there is nothing there and i am super paranoid.
Okay let me tell you about the voices i sometimes hear. I used to hear voices when i was about 8. I remember one distinct time when i was laying in my bed and a really loud angry voice shouted "you stupid girl you didn't press the right button!" It was completely random, out of the blue and it scared me... a lot. I cried and my mum came to me and told me that i dreamed it when i am 100% certain i didn't. Another time when i was 8 i kicked a football away from my brother and a voice told me to pick it up and say sorry, so that's what i did. Then the voices stopped until last year.
I was on a bike ride with my mum when i heard "6, 7" repeated to me multiple times. My mum said she never heard it and that i must have imagined it. The thing is, i had been baptized a few months before and i convinced myself that it was God telling me Bible passages. More recently, I was laying in my bed reading my book when i thought "i have to sleep now" and then only a few seconds later a female voice right in my left ear said "you don't need to". Then i heard "hellooo" and another voice, but i could make out what it was saying. Then last night (this one scared me a lot) i was laying in bed when i heard a young girl humming a tune, i don't know what it was to. It was really quiet though but i could just make it out and i thought i was going insane. (Please note i don't hear these voices often, only on occasion)
Now the thoughts that don't seem to be mine scare me a lot also. They are often very negative, telling me i'm worthless, that no one cares, that i should just kill myself. I am NOT thinking these i am certain of it! One time i was being really positive because i had done some really good artwork, i was saying "this is so good!" and then a thought came into my head that was completely random and was saying "no it's not, its rubbish". Also when it comes to exams, thoughts come into my head telling me i'm going to fail or that there is no point in trying and this just makes me lose motivation not just to do the exams but also to do homework and classwork that has been set. I don't know how to explain this but sometimes these thoughts sound like my friends, though they are just thoughts and not voices...i'm sorry if that makes no sense.
I have seen things, as i mentioned above, but they are often out of the corner of my eye. Maybe something moving or something i know shouldn't be there and when i turn to look there is nothing unusual there. But there have been times when i have seen things that aren't in the corner of my eye and these were shadow figures. One time was when i was with my dad in the car and it was dark and we were driving home. Halfway home i saw the shadow of an old man with a walking stick walk right in front of our car, but when i blinked it was gone. My dad never saw it. Another time i had woken up in the night and i saw 2 shadow figures, one was tall and the other was small as if it was a father and his child.
As for being super paranoid, i often think people are talking about me, watching me or judging me or people don't actually want to be friends with me and they are just out of pity or something. I don't know if this is normal but i hate always being this paranoid and suspicious of people.
Along with all this, i often question what is real and what isn't... Like if i hear a beep i will ask someone if they heard it too, or if i saw something i will ask someone if they also saw it.
I don't know what is happening. Am i going crazy? Do i need to go to a hospital? See a psychiatrist or something? Please i really need someones advice and help. (By the way i am also a 15 year old girl)
