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I just... I dunno
Former Member
Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
I just don't like me.
I mean everyone keeps saying no no ! you're great and all.. but like why no matter how much i try to tell myself "you're pretty, you're nice" I just I can't.
All i ever do is cause issues for people... I ruin spending time with them...
WHY is it every time I just finally get to talk to someone i end up ruining it or getting sad... then i just apologise constantly and people get annoyed at me...
I'm just apologising for even existing... me being around people, just breathing is a burden on people.
Ijust feel like everything is my fault..
I feel hated and ignored... and i just hate myself for it. If i wasn't such an annoying person people would want to be with me. right?
this is all my own fault right?
I'm going to press post... but i feel like i shouldnt...
im just a bother...
you dont have to reply... I know im a time waster and im not well known on here..
Why do i feel like im screaming and nothing is coming out...
I'm not getting better am i...
:banghead:
I mean everyone keeps saying no no ! you're great and all.. but like why no matter how much i try to tell myself "you're pretty, you're nice" I just I can't.
All i ever do is cause issues for people... I ruin spending time with them...
WHY is it every time I just finally get to talk to someone i end up ruining it or getting sad... then i just apologise constantly and people get annoyed at me...
I'm just apologising for even existing... me being around people, just breathing is a burden on people.
Ijust feel like everything is my fault..
I feel hated and ignored... and i just hate myself for it. If i wasn't such an annoying person people would want to be with me. right?
this is all my own fault right?
I'm going to press post... but i feel like i shouldnt...
im just a bother...
you dont have to reply... I know im a time waster and im not well known on here..
Why do i feel like im screaming and nothing is coming out...
I'm not getting better am i...
:banghead:
0
Comments
Firstly, you may not be well-known here at the moment but please believe me, we all care about you (and each other) and you will soon settle here more and more. I joined in August 2014 and have been here on and off since then. I am only starting to become a little known and it does take time to settle in new and unfamiliar places, but you will get there, okay? You are not wasting any of our time and we are all here for you.
Can I ask, has something/anything in particular happened to have made you think and feel the way in which you describe here? If you are unsure, then perhaps you could try writing down things you think it might/could be and then go from there, with our help and support of course?
Nothing is your fault. I understand what this is like but it's important to maintain our strength and positivity and try to do nice things for ourselves. Trust me, I know how hard this is and that it's a lot easier said than done but we must try and you can do this.
Stay strong, I hope you feel better soon.
I feel like I'm trapped around my parents and in my apprenticeship
particularly last night i was talking with my boyfriend and i just got sad and was complaining about how i wont do something nice for my birthday because no one cares about it ... it was always at the beginning of the school year so most of the time i just didnt do thing... well now im a bit older than that and ive lived for a while with my friends all at uni and theres literally no one left here... i work around older people (50+) and im lonely...
I just feel like I wake up i go to work, i come home, im an issue to everyone around me - but i want to talk to people especially my boyfriend but i just ruin it everytime - and hes always busy so i just then go to bed
I just get sad or complain or go off on one. why cant i just be fun and jokey again around him around everyone - i just feel drained
my friends dont even talk to me anymore ... i dont go out at all...
i just feel like no one wants to be with me...
I feel completely alone
I feel unwanted...
*accepts hugs* *hug*
Can I ask, how old are you?
What happens to make you feel like you are an issue to everyone around you?
xx
Albeit im young people say i have an old soul...
Ever since i was little I never asked for things or never told people if i needed something... we werent very well off and i was scared to upset or "unbalance" things so to say...
perhaps it stems from there?
one time my father called me a burden... that burnt into my skin like nothing else before...
I have two brothers one older one younger... and im usually the one most relied upon... i barely object or anything and if i do i get yelled at or somethin...
i feel like a kid saying all this...
I just dont like to put people out... I feel im a drain on people and i should just shut up and quit complaining but I cant help it... im hurting and i cant make it stop
im just rambling nonsense, ever since my depression got worse about 2 years ago (and i mean i was okay ish before then and completely down spiralled) my head skips about and my memory is awful, I know bad memory is a sign of depression - well anyways my head jumps about when trying to explain things so im really sorry
I am the same as that still now! I always say 'I don't know', I don't mind and never give a straight answer either. How do you feel this causes issues for you though?
Sorry to hear your father once called you a burden--Has he ever said or done anything else to you or just that one time with that one thing?
How are you feeling at this moment in time? Here if you need me and I understand more than you probably do think x
But i cant seem to go back...
i told my parents I was cured... I thought I was okay... so 2 weeks after given citalopram i stopped taking them and dropped off the radar.. and leaving school helped quite a bit... getting a full time job and leaving my part time job where my boss sexually harassed me - well it was invigorating... i felt a new... now im slipping...
I feel like my mind isnt part of me... I feel like its against me... telling me so many horrid things... imagining horrid situations.. scaring me...
its a nightmare... a constant living - waking nightmare...
I have pretty severe mood swings and i switch instantly- most of the time with no real cause...
I am sorry you too had to suffer though this mental torment. I wish I JUST wish I could stop it all for everyone...
people say my downfall is that i love everyone...
I cant hate anyone...
I mean that...
i just im at work unable to cope...
just feeling drained ...
Leaving school was a good thing for you then; as it was for me too.Did you experience things at school?
Who diagnosed you with those?And were you not offered any professional help or support such as therapy, rather than just the medication?!Perhaps, instead of coming off it, you should have stayed on it longer and then begun to receive the full benefits and advantages of the medication itself?
Are you able to talk to your parents about this and/or how you feel?
Where do you work now then?Sorry to hear about the experience you had at your previous and part time-job--Please know you don't deserve it x
my parents said it was a phase and such - there are medical notes saying that its likely im suffering with anxiety but my parents refused that notion...
i just dont feel certain - i never know what i want i just sit there... like a lump, a waste of space lump
My dad used to be quite verbally abusive... he calls me a little bitch and a fucking child and this - he makes fun of me and my boyfriend and tells me that my hobbies arent a real hobby or teases me for the things i like...i genuinely feel likes its wrong to be me. my older brother does it too its always jump on the pick on me bandwagon.
saying that i dont have a degree and i work ina shitty place. I love them both and i just i dont know...
right now im close to tears and im sat at my desk at work . I dont want to move but i want to be alone.. i feel trapped and i just want to go home and sleep...
Are you able to talk to your parents about how you feel?
Where do you work now for full time job?
Sorry for the questions.You don't have to answer them if you don't want to but it will help me to help you better x
It's not wrong to be you; of course it's not.That is pretty mild compared to some and im glad it is mild for you too however it's still sad and unacceptable and im wondering if he knows how you feel about it?
Is there anyone in your workplace who you can confide in?
Hannah
bad things in my life? I was almost kidnapped at 12, raped at 14 by my boyfriend of the time, physically abused, emotionally abused - work (see last comment on this post) i dont know generally day to day put downs... parents both drink a lot, both smokers, often have quite loud fights, yeah.. i dont know..
I hated the constant bitching... it just drained me. during my last year of sixth form when i was particularly the worst- one of my teachers caused me a lot of stress- she was the head of sixth form and often stopped me in corridors and held me back after class... or chose me ... sure i wasnt a good student i didnt to homework... well it was a real bloody effort to even haul my ass into school most days... and when i got home i just did nothing i felt as heavy as lead. She would always be so patronising to me always asking me questions - I just wanted her to leave me alone...
My doctor (the mental health doctor at my med centre) diagnosed me. I was referred to healthy minds where I received CBT - but in the end my therapist left and didnt tell me and also contacted social services and they then spoke to my parents when i strictly said i didnt want that and then my parents shamed me and they constantly shouted at me and questioned me about it all it was horrible I just felt under the spot light constantly. no one would just talk to me it was "youre not depressed stop being a fucking child"
"what did you tell her"
"whats going on"
then Healthy minds sent me letters saying they hadnt heard from me in a while and if i didnt reply the service would be stopped for me.. i did reply and then got nothing back.
i didnt say on medication because call me stubborn.. I wanted to fix it myself - i didnt want to go back to the doctors either and i would have had to,... ive really mentally blocked myself from going back...
my parents as you gather from what i have said.. are not supportive.. and to this day dont think anything was wrong.
I work in an office now.. just a union kinda place.
most of my jobs have been horrible..
my first job was in a supermarket and there was a customer who was saying inappropriate and sexual things about me and i reported it and nothing got done.. so i just started to like not be as friendly with him (he was about 40+) and he reported me for being rude.
my second job was a care home - domestic staff - the older carers and used to complain about me every shift i did... Every time i went in someone would tell me someone had bitched about me and at lunctimes they would talk about my mum in front of me (we worked at the same place)
and then there was the last job where my boss would sexually harass me and even got a customer in on it.
Those few negatives you mentioned there are really sad but also ones which others can also relate to, unfortunately.Did you receive support with these and were they dealt with in the right way?
Is there someone at work who you can confide in?
And no.. most the people here are a lot older and give me that "oh bless you're really young, you're fine" kinda thing you know that bullshit that im not meant to feel anything but happiness because im still young? I have it easy kinda mentality...
... I feel if i told them or my manager they'll feel like i cant cope in my job... and not having a job is worse than being in one..
also im scared they'll judge me... they're pretty gossipy here
The things you've said and shared with others, were they dealt with?
Your manager would not feel you can't cope in your job and cannot discriminate or get rid of you due to that either.
You may be young, but age is just a number and that's what I've had to tell myself too.
but nothing feels resolved..
nothing is resolved... i just bite the bullet and keep going...
Stay strong *hugs* x
when i was 14 my boyfriend and i had met on the internet and then in person - he was the same person as in looks name and what not... i had lied to my dad about him for about 2 years... so when it happened i felt like i couldnt say anything in fear of making things worse than they already were - as it was I was try to convince myself it was okay and he was my boyfriend so it was alright that it happened. but i didnt feel okay if that makes sense... - years on from there I still dont feel like i can - not whilst i still live here I dont want to bring it back up... I told my current boyfriend and he supports me. but It's a dark piece i just wish i could shake from my head - albeit im petrified of super intimate relationships and therefore sexual activity hasnt happened since..... about 5 years down the road i guess im trying to move on from it - but im ashamed of my body ever since... i dont know..
eehhhh
I dont want to do something drastic about it now...
Have you always kept the incident that happened when you were 14 to yourself aside from saying it here and confiding in your current boyfriend about it?
x
and for most of my life yes i kept it hidden... I have confided in others about it.. but only like a couple more people. its better when i dont think about it.
Im just afraid... all the time...
thank you for being a voice to me in my time of darkness
x
Yeah I also can understand and relate to that..Are you feeling any better by talking through things?x
I Am also here for you too. I may have seemed like I totally lost it back there... But I'm not always like that. If you need just someone... I'll always be here... Doesn't have to be to talk about issues. It could be for anything
And yes it really helped just not feeling ignored...
Thank you so much xx
Thank you for that, that's really kind of you, thank you.
I'm glad it helped you to talk on here and helped you to not feel ignored too x
I've just had a read of your thread and just wanted to say that you've been so brave opening up on here *hug*
It's great that you've found us and we're here to support you any way we can. How are you doing today?
You seem to have had many bad experiences with people in various different environments, are you sure you're not making things difficult for others? Perhaps unknowingly? Sometimes we can take our anger or frustration out of others and not even realise it.
I cannot believe your parents are not supportive of you, that's a really terrible thing considering you're their child! I could never forgive my parents if they did not support me through times of trouble. You'd support your parents if they needed you wouldn't you? Yet they won't support you... that hardly seems fair.