In need of a hug - my mental health is getting worse

Former Member

Hello my name is Jessica,

I am really struggling with my depression to the point where i go to college feeling exhausted because i cant sleep all night because im up really late at night talking to the Samaritans or Childline and i get to college and just cant concentrate and then i get moaned at by my teachers for not doing any work or just doing little work and not putting any effort into it,im such a failure and if you say that i not a failure then you are lieing because i am, my depression is really consuming me;i was supposed to be meeting my new counsellor this Saturday but she called today to say that she sadly has to reschedule and i am really upset about it, now ive got to wait a further 2 weeks, sorry if i sound like im just moaning but i really dont know how i feel right now, i just feel angry, frustrated and really low.

I wish i could be happy, i wish this could stop.
Old Mad:banghead::no::mad:

Former Member

Hey there Jessica,

I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I can relate to many aspects of your post, I struggled an awful lot at college, being someone who really struggled to sleep for whatever reason, I spent my law lessons asleep at the desk, which my tutor wasn't too happy about at all, so I stopped going to lessons as I didn't see the point, and then decided going to college was pointless too, after a few weeks off, I got told unless my attendance improves, and my level of work, they had no reason to keep me on as a student, so, I got my act together, I made myself routine.

Sadly you can't tell college you got no sleep because you were on the phone to Childline/Samaritans, they will probaberbly bare it in mind, but are there alternative times you can talk to them? For example, telling your parents you''ve gone to a friends, and spoke to them at an earlier time, rather than a later? - Also, being on the line to helplines such as Samaritans and Childline every night, I personally found impacted my mental health on a more negative basis, I felt more mentally unstable and became so reliant on them, that my mental health also became reliant on them, and made me personally more ill than better. What do you use helplines for? Just a way to let it all out, just talk to someone?

What makes you feel like a failure? Is it down to being so tired at college? - If so, you need to give yourself a break, if you are up hours at night, you are going to be exhausted and your body is telling you it needs sleep, and rest. But needing rest is a normal human thing, you're not a failure because you can't focus or concentrate during subjects. If you do regularly use Samaritans, have you considered going to there local Samaritans in your area and talking to someone face to face? Is that an option? I'm sorry to hear your counsellor had cancelled on you though.

Are college aware of your struggles? What support are they currently offering you? Another thing, nobody can just be happy, yes, we can pretend and do all the pretending in the world, but it isn't going to get us anywhere, we need to let emotions that are distressing out, and you're doing that by talking to people on here and helplines, which is a very positive first step to take. Being properly happy though, is tough work when we have no reason to be, but I think, personally think, that we all find that something, even that little thing that will leave us feeling whole for a very long time, it takes a hella amount of time to find it for some though.

Keep us updated on how you're getting on, would be great to hear a reply for you,

Best wishes,
WhispersOfTheHeart