how do i get her to give me a chance?

Former Member

Several years ago I was in a bad spot and mad at the world. I had a friend, Cara that I took a lot of my issues out on. Cara was amazing. She loaned me money, I have never paid her back, brought me lunch at work, let me crash at her place when I was stressed, encouraged me to keep trying, believed in me and more. Back then I did not see how good she was too me and I was not very nice to Cara, I insulted her, called her derogatory names, broke things she loved, yelled at her, I finally told Cara that she's nothing but a stupid slut, worthless, I hate her and never want to see her again. I was mad at the world and lashed out at her. Shortly after Cara moved away and she dropped all ccontact with me. I finally got help, went to counseling, put on meds for depression and anxiety but I can't shake Cara. I recently learned she is living near by again and got out of an abusive relationship a few months ago. (i have not been on a date in a few years because no other woman is Cara) I want to talk to Cara and ask her on a date and to give me the chance i always wanted but didn't realize it til it was too late. How can I convince Cara to give me a chance and believe in me and that I'm right for her?!

Former Member

Well, my first advice, that you don't want to hear is: don't. You clearly don't deserve her. There is no excuse for what you did to her. I can't even begin to fathom how one can treat a person who did so much for you selflessly like that. Seriously, just reading your post makes me hate you.

Second: tentatively over social media maybe. Explain yourself to her and see how she reacts. If she does not respond, drop it. If she seems wary (go figure) don't be pushy and become the world's most patient man until she sees you are not trying to leech of her, which is what 99% of the people would rightfully believe. As a matter of fact I am still not convinced you are a "changed" person and that your past behavior is suddenly inexplicably and totally not like you.

I would not put money that she is willing to talk to you again. As a matter of fact, if Cara was here posting I'd suggest her to stay away from you.

Former Member

Nothing you can say or do will make her give you a chance. I've had similar. I gave him another chance and he treated me like shit again.

Former Member

I imagine Cara cutting contact with you would have been a difficult thing for her to do because it sounds like she really did care a lot about you so that in itself makes me feel like she wouldn't easily come back to you, but adding the fact that she just used all of her courage and more to get away from an abusive relationship - I really think there's no point in you even trying, at least not right now. I can only imagine how she must have felt when you were treating her so badly. I highly doubt that happening again is a risk she'll be willing to take.