How should I resolve this f*** buddy situation I got into?

Former Member

I met this guy online a month ago. There was an instant attraction on our first date and we kissed. He wanted more on that day but I said it was too soon although he was really hot and I liked him. So he started texting me, or rather sexting me and things got pretty hot between us and we decided to spend the night together.

So we did and the sex was amazing and we really connected at other levels as well and talked a lot about ourselves, past relationships, family, etc. Then after a week we spend another night together and again it was great and an amazing connection again. He said he would like to take me out on a proper date this week but he didn't and now he is away on holidays for 2 weeks.

Earlier this week I sent him a text asking how he is but he was a bit cold in his reply saying he was too busy with work and that we'll catch up when he's back from his holidays. Then later on last week he called me asking if he could visit me that day because he was really horny. I already had plans that night with friends so I told him I couldn't and we then said we'll meet when he's back.

To be honest I never wanted or want a f*** buddy situation but I feel that's what we're getting into, although he mentioned about taking me out on a proper date. But then when we are away he only texts about sex and little more.

I'm very confused and I don't feel good in continuing to sleep with him like this, he made me feel used last week when he sent me a cold reply when he was not interested and then texting and calling me when he wanted sex. It's like he's two different persons, he's very sweet when he is with me but then very cold when we're apart or just sexting.

I know he had a past relationship that ended 6 months ago and I can feel he's trying to move on from but it's still fresh on his mind.

So when he contacts me again when he's back (and I assume he will in order to spend the night with me), should I ask him about going out first on that proper date he mentioned about? Or should I just respond asking him what exactly are we doing and what this is for him?

I really want a relationship, not a f*** buddy situation that just makes me feel cheap and down.

Former Member

I don't think it is helpful trying to find reason or explanation in his behavior. It seems clear that he is coming back to your for sex, but doesn't reach out if he isn't in the mood for it. You want different things obviously (for whatever reason, it's not important) which means at least one person (usually the person who wants "more" and I guess you could say a relationship is more than a fwb) is going to be unsatisfied or even hurt.

I think you should bring it up to him, if nothing else then to gain clarity and closure. Don't do it over text. Do it in person, absolutely. Ask him about the date and that you would like to do more things together except sexting and sex and if he isn't on board the second your request leaves your lips you know you want different things. Then it's time to decide if you can be cool with just the sex, or if this desire to have something more will keep to be a thorn in your side. Act accordingly (i.e. break up).

Former Member

Thanks StrubbleS. When he contacts me again and we meet we definitely need to have a conversation about it because I don't feel comfortable continuing a sex thing only, especially when he only contacts regarding sex and when he wants. I'm not a hole, I'm a person.

I just basically need to know if for him this is just a way for him to know me more and see what happens or if he already decided this is just sex and nothing else and in that case I don't wish to continue. And yes you're right the conversation needs to be face-to-face so he doesn't just say something he thinks I want to hear just to get laid again.

The nights we spent together were great but being treated as a booty call is definitely something I don't want or need in my life.

Former Member

I definitely agree with StrubbleS in terms of what the next move should be with you guys..

StrubbleS wrote: »

Ask him about the date and that you would like to do more things together except sexting and sex and if he isn't on board the second your request leaves your lips you know you want different things. Then it's time to decide if you can be cool with just the sex, or if this desire to have something more will keep to be a thorn in your side. Act accordingly (i.e. break up).

If this situation has you feeling down in the dumps and this is definitely not what you want out of him or any guy entering your life then it would be in your best interests to leave it be. By the sounds of it, he has decided what he would like to do in his spare time with you but if this is not what you want, your feelings should come first..

Fill us in on the outcome