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Girl Problem

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I just met a girl about a month ago. We hung out a couple of times and even went out on dates. I didn't like her at first, but the more I was around her the more I was feeling her. Anyway, I finally told her how I felt and she told me that she was not ready to be in a relationship. And I told her I understood and respected that. We continue to talk and be friends..but it seems that she keeps giving me mixed feelings. There are days where I feel good when I'm around her..we talk till 4am in the morning about nothing and just laugh about everything...she would call me in the middle of the day just to say 'hello' and it would give me the biggest smile and that would make my day....but then there are days when she doesn't call and I just sit there and wait. Sometimes I'll call her and she seems to be not interested in me...I don't know what to do here...should I keep going? or just drop it? No one wants to be in a relationship by themselves, but sometimes I feel like that's where I'm heading...Please give me some advice or your opinions...thanks.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is it possible that she is involved with someone else? or have you just caught her at odd times when she's busy, and thus she might not have given you full attention.

    Maybe she just wants to be friends?

    I'm no expert on such matters, but I thought I'd take a shot.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by eggme:
    <STRONG>"I just met a girl about a month ago."

    "she told me that she was not ready to be in a relationship. And I told her I understood and respected that."

    "...then there are days when she doesn't call and I just sit there and wait. Sometimes I'll call her and she seems to be not interested in me..."

    "No one wants to be in a relationship by themselves..."</STRONG>

    Maybe I'm missing something here, or maybe you are. You're not in a relationship, yet seem to expect her to be commited to a relationship she's already refused (for now at least).

    You told her that you understood and respected her decision, and yet here you are, failing to understand and not respecting the fact that she hasn't commited to you in the way you seem to be expecting.

    I don't mean that at all harshly, but you do need to remember that you are not in a relationship with her, you know it, and have sworn to respect it that way.

    My advice is that you need to re-evaluate how you really feel. Ask yourself if you are only interested in her because you hope she'll change her mind and commit to you. If so, then you need to ask yourself what if she never does?

    There's no shame in learning from experience. If you have found that you can't continue without a commitment, then its okay to tell her that and move on, look for someone else who is more suited to what you want and need from a partner.

    If you are going to continue as you are, you need to stop expecting her to act like she has commited. She hasn't, and has been very honest about it. The mixed signals are mainly that what you expect, and what she expects are different. You seem to expect her to commit anyway, while she seems to expect you to honour what you said about respecting her decision not to commit to a relationship with you.

    Hope that helps you get things straight and sort out what you want to do about things.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if i'd kept a diary, what you wrote would be in it - i'd say the chances are very very high that you should leave it - you're looking for the wrong thing in the girl. what she wants from you, and what you want from her are clearly different things - it's just not necessarily always clear at a point in time - ups & downs just confuse u more every time you think about it - been there, it's crap! 4 me it lasted around erm... bloody hell 7 years! wish i'd learnt my lesson earlier. I've found it tends to happen more with girls of a borderline personality - flirty essentially.

    3 words: find someone else!

    oh, a couple more - have fun <IMG SRC="tongue.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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