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Should i see a girl who has a b/f?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I met this girl the other nite at uni and we just clicked, talked until dawn and i cant stop thinkin bout her. I know she has a b/f at home but she says its going to be over soon but i dont think it will. They've been together for 3 years. Do you think i can be happy just seeing each other at uni?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Calum:
    <STRONG>I met this girl the other nite at uni and we just clicked, talked until dawn and i cant stop thinkin bout her. I know she has a b/f at home but she says its going to be over soon but i dont think it will. They've been together for 3 years. Do you think i can be happy just seeing each other at uni?</STRONG>

    NOOOOOO!!!! don't do it! It's a bad road to go down, and you know when you start walking down it you won't be able to stop. Leave well alone, and if she's serious about you then she will leave him. Until then, remain friends!!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But were so happy when we are together. We have so much fun. Its so natural. I do feel like crap when i'm alone and being jealous but isn't worth being blissfully happy for the sake of some pain? I know its not perfect but what is in this world?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rule 1: Don't break the rules.
    Rule 2: Don't even try to go after anyone who is already in a relationship.
    Rule 3: Always, always, go after someone who is single.

    Chatbox
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Calum:
    <STRONG>But were so happy when we are together. We have so much fun. Its so natural. I do feel like crap when i'm alone and being jealous but isn't worth being blissfully happy for the sake of some pain? I know its not perfect but what is in this world?</STRONG>

    Okay so just now it's fine, and although you hate sharing her, you are getting through it. What happens in a year if it's still the same way? You will resent him, and her, and will just end up being drawn into the cycle of seeing her being happy, then depression when you see her go to him. Not good.

    Better to wait until she is free and single. I know it seems okay now, but it will all end in tears!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know exactly what your saying but i just cant resist her. How can you deny the thing which gives you the most pleasure in the world at the moment!?? it does make any sense. I know its breaking the rules and i know it will probably not work out but i have hope though...u never no whats gonna happen and deep down maybe i see me and her being a proper couple somewhere down the line. thats just how i feel.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, i am not having a go at you! Honest, i have been there, and i know what i feels like to want someone you know you shouldn't... At the end of the day, it's entirely down to you. If you can see it working, then you shouldn't give up hope. Just meant that it could mean a lot of hurt for you, and didn't want you to get hurt.

    My renewed advice is to talk to her. Tell her what you are feeling and thinking. Tell her you are not happy about the way things are. See what she says
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    k Emma...i didn't take offence!

    I know your right and all and maybe i also know that i'm in for a big fall. If i was a betting man i would not put money on a happy ending between the three of us. But i'm scared that if i put pressure on her i'll scare her off. Everything is goiing so well. Its like why should i rock the boat? love has nothing to do with logic and everythin to do with gut emotion..i hate that as i cant control it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Calum:
    <STRONG>k Emma...i didn't take offence!</STRONG>

    LOL i know. Anyway it's up to you. Life is short, and it's what you make of it. As long as you are happy that's all that matters.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The best thing for you to do right now is "Wait until she is single. i.e. If she wants to be truely with you, she'll end her current relationship".

    If you find love in being with her, and vice-versa, then there aren't many things that can get in your way. When she become single, and wants to be with you, you'll then surely know that she is serious about you. And that you two won't have to worry about a 3rd person.

    Consider this as a test for her.

    Chatbox
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can say this from the other side.
    I was with my ex for a long time, and I know she has lots of good mates at uni. But if I knew that there was something, even as seemingly innocent as what you make it out to be I would have been angry/devestated.

    Look at it from the bf's p.o.v. if she cheats on him he will do one of the following things:

    1.Get on with his life (very unlikely after 3 years)
    2.Sink into a bout of depression (likely)
    3.Come to his gf's uni, find you, and beat the shit out of you.(what's he got to lose).

    One phrase you have to learn is "Don't go there". Women in relationships are off-limits, it is against the rules, stuff your "all's fair in love and war", because if you do anything it'll only be fair for him to try and kill you, or himself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    and if she goes with you wihtout spliting up with her BF then she is cheating and what does that do to the amount you can trust her in future
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Be patient. I know it's probably nigh on impossible right now, but if she cares about you, and is unhappy in her current relationship, she will end it. Remain friends, but stay away from "relationship" until she becomes single..

    A friend of mine had been dating her boyfriend for 3 years, and their relationship had stagnated but both were holding on. She met another guy who made her happy and who she enjoyed spending time with. She broke it off with her bf of 3 years. Really, it was the best thing for both of them at that point in the relationship, and now she is with this new bloke. If your girl is serious about you, she will make the necessary changes in her life. But she has to care enough about you, and about her own happiness to risk breaking out of a 3 year relationship.

    Give it time. Wait and see what happens, but do NOT under any circumstances go out with her while she is in a relationship.

    Another point to mention is, if you did start going out with her now, and she did break up with her boyfriend, would you ever be able to trust her not to cheat on you? What is there to convince you that you are any different than the last guy she cheated on? This is all hypothetical, of course. The possible situation if you get involved now..

    Don't do it! Courage!!!
    xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am in your exact same situation.

    I met this girl at uni about a year ago. The first instant I saw her..something about her was different. I went out in the first weekend of uni and she was a barchick who served me. She recognised me before I even thought twice.

    Dirty looks all semester, but I was too scared to talk to her out of uni. I ran into her once when I was out last semester and she walked up to me and introduced herself. I got her phone number (something I would NEVER ask for, but I was WAY to pissed).

    I am 20, she's 19.

    She msgd me a week later. We saw each other a few times and the msgs got better and better. She asked me out during exams and picked me up. Then she hit me with it..she has a BF AND she lives with him!!! <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    It was too late, I had already fallen for her, HARD.

    She met me a few times including a drive from one side of the city to the other, to meet me and my friends at 2am. We spoke till the sun came up. This was late nov last year.

    Msgs got better and better. She was telling me that she liked more than any guy she had ever met, and I was saying the same thing (but in reverse <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> ). I meant every word I said, and Im pretty sure she did too. The msgs couldnt have got any better.

    She asked me over for sex (not in so many words, but not much more), but she had to work..and it fell through. I wasnt sure it was a good idea, and I am never one to "intervene", but she was something different...I also thought like the others above. How could I trust her if I knew she did it to him?

    (I know for a fact she has never even looked at another guy except me, )and she has also said it to me a lot), for the 2y she has gone out with him..and I was kinda flattered she even looked at me.)

    Anyway we met a few times more..my friends kept asking me to give her an ultimatum for my peace of mind. Him or me. She chose him, but I think its got to do with the fact that she will literally have to move back home if she chose me.

    This guy has never gone out with her in public for over a year..and in her words "treats me like shit".

    Anyway, one night I sent her a msg, and he got it. The shit hit the fan. Ever since then, basically she has been acting REALLY wierd. All her friends wont leave me alone, and she always comes up to my friends and me, but acts REALLY wierd around me. I am happy to just be friends until she breaks up with him, but its kind of frustrating how she acts when she sees me.

    Sorry, I got carried away. I am in the same situation as you and know how you feel.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, the problem is, even after I asked her to make the choice (she invited me out for coffee the next day to tell me) it was almost like it never happened..

    Until I sent her a msg just as her BF walked in.. <IMG SRC="frown.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    at first, i'd say you might as well go for it too, if you like her as much as you say you do. you don't know this bloke, at least he is not a friend of yours..that would make it a hell of alot worse.
    but....of course you run the risk of getting with her then her running off to her boyfriend of 3yrs and leaving you feeling used and rejected but you've got to think whether it's worth it. in that case you might lose her as a friend but it depends in which way you see her.
    ask her how she feels - there's no point rushing into things if she's happy with her boyfriend. even if she tells you she's not, it might be a ploy for attention from someone at uni (ie. you), as a substitute for her boyfriend who's not there.

    If she's serious about dumping her boyfriend although maybe go with the flow and get with her, maybe you should wait until you know that she actually has, and make sure she would have no regrets about the decision. when you meet someone new who you get on with it always seems more of an exciting prospect at first, and she may later regret the decision that she has so quickly dumped her long-term boyfriend to get with the 'new and exciting bloke at uni'.

    spend a little more time with her, try and resist your temptaions and ask her what she really feels.

    good luck, hope it all works out for you - x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No no no no. Too much hurt, too much pain. Don't go there, you'd be better off walking through a minefield.

    It causes hurt. It's painful now but you learn to live with it. It hurts the most when you start to get ideas, when you start to think that something might be possible. It's not, at least not now. Just...DON'T!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i actually agree with turtle here people will be hurt.
    Whowhere has said everything i could say if i was her b/f and i found out i would lose the head and take it all out on you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i tried to talk to her about it last nite and she kinda just pretended not to hear me! One thing led to another and i stayed over again and everything was great until i left this morning. The simple fact is that i feel that i love her. I know i shouldnt esp. when she holds all the cards and weilds all the power.
    Saying that i should give her up and wait isn't really helpful i'm afraid. My heart wont allow it.
    I cant just give her up. But is there anything i can do to like wein myself away from her cluthes?
    How about if i make her hate me? Then she'll stop playing with me if i am too much hassle for her and my heart will know that there will be no future? What do you think?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No you shouldn't
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