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he broke up with me

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Last night my boyfriend broke up with me. Our relationship has been a bit rocky for a while and I knew it wasn't the same as it used to be but I didn't expect us to break up. I thought it was because our schedules are different and we don't get to see eachother as much as we used to... I thought it was more outside environments than actual feelings.

But last night he called me and siad he feels like we were going through the motions and it's like we weren't even dating anymore. I agreed. He said we could either make a really big effort to see eachother a lot and make it the way it used to be and then get really hurt when I leave, or we could break up. I said I think the two months we have now is worth getting hurt later. I asked him if he still felt the same about me, he said he didn't. I said I could understand if he didn't think he could handle getting really hurt when I leave, and that if he wanted to end it I'd respect his decision, but that it was the last thing I want to do. He said he felt more comfortable just being friends.

I cried a lot last night, I couldn't get to sleep for hours, I'm crying now... it's horrible. I'll get over it eventually but this was the longest relationship I've been in and I didn't see this coming at all.

An eye for an eye makes the world blind.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    awwwww im so sorry, i dont know wot i can do to make u feel better, i am really worried my bf is gonna finish me 2, u have got 2 be strong try and concentrate on other things.

    dont phone him, let hi phone u just dont let him know how upset u r, if he phones u then be nice and wait to see if he brings u 2 ever getting back 2geva up.

    im sorry i cant be more help good luck and be strong xxx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ((((amadee))))

    i'm sorry dear. that's awful. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    and i'm sure this is extra bad because you weren't expecting it.

    somehow though, knowing you, you're gonna be back at full strength well before most other people who have faced this. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    and i'd give you some advice, but it wouldn't be anything u didn't already know. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    question though if i may: do you think you can still be friends with him? that's always the hardest thing right after the break up.

    *sends amadee good vibes*

    u'll get over this and ur gonna be fine dear. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to hear that amadee. Breaking up is always horrid. Time is a great healer though. I recently split up to.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *loverly hugs and kisses and love*
    sorry baby <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; you'll be ok though, i promise.

    play lots of scary music, eat lots of icecream and do some screaming.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ((((Amandee)))) sweetie, how you doing???
    The last thing on your mind is revenge and obviously you really do still love him. Don't do anythign to panicy because you never know he could change his mind but again don't go running back to him. You've got to be civil to him (not as if i don't hink you will be).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ((((((((((amadee))))))))))

    You sound like you handled the whole episode in a really level-headed and mature way. I don't think I can really offer you any advice, only my heartfelt sympathy <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;


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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    awwwww no <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; ((((((((((amadee)))))))))))

    its awful breaking up with someone. and ive only properly experienced it as a mutual thing or as something i decided was the right thing to do. but my first bf did really hurt me just after we broke up <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    you know you'll get over it. and it does just take time, as cliched as that sounds. maybe you need some time to get used to it all without being friends and having contact? the good intentions of wanting to be friends with exs seems to backfire in sooo many situations. one person wants to get back with the other.. one treats the other badly for whats happened and blames them... constant arguments.. having to cope with them seeing someone new so soon.. and thats just whats happened to me!

    just take things slow, one day at a time, get used to being you again, being single. calvins right, there isnt anything we can say that you dont already know <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; but i know it helps to post stuff even if you know what the responses are gonna be. ive done it often enough!

    but im still sorry to hear about it <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; thinking of you *hugs*

    "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
    ~ Nietzsche
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey hun break ups are very hard and believe me I know.. but u know what remember to Keep YOUR HEAD UP !!!! DON'T let some guy give u tears hes not WORTH IT !!!! Nobody is worth ur tears or ur pain... ur on top of the world and nobody can push you down.. and when someone has just get up brush yourself off and SMILE !!!! remember that your a beautiful person both inside and out and that u have alot of love to give someone who DESERVES IT !!! it will get better it may take time but it will ok hun .. hope i helped ! "It seems the rain will neva let up, I try to keep my head up, and keep from gettin wetta"

    "If you love something let it go.. if it comes back to you its yours, if it doesn't it never was."
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    care of kitty, from luka:

    Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

    and to a certain extent (although i dont know how true i think it is but i like it)

    No man is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

    "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
    ~ Nietzsche
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    aww, thanks guys. you're all great.

    i don't know if we can be friends or not... i'm really good friends with one ex but we broke up on a mutual agreement and then he moved away for 6 months so we had time to get used to the break up. when he came back we were able to hang out without too much weirdness.... this is a different story, though... i know i still feel really bad and hurt and upset and he'll probably feel pretty guilty (or at least i hope so!!)... i think it will need some time to cool down and by that time i'll be moving.

    arg... i have a box of his stuff that i need to give back to him... that's going to be a pretty crappy episode. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    I'm sure I'll be alright, in a way it's good because when I go to college i won't be on the rebound, so if I meet anyone it'll be a lot easier than if I was getting over a breakup then...

    well, it happened, and I'm getting used to it. I got to sleep almost right away last night and today is my mum's birthday, we're going on a little road trip so i'll have lots to keep my mind off him. (but everything reminds me of him, it's horrible...)

    anyway, thanks again everyone. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    An eye for an eye makes the world blind.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just wanted to offer my support too, cos like, its happening to me i think, and you were nice about that <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    thank you, and common sense says it'll be all right in the end.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    (((((amadee))))))

    i sorry to hear that sugar, but we still love you xx

    sometimes things just change.


    There's a girl in my mirror
    I wonder who she is
    Sometimes I think I know her
    Sometimes I really wish I did
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *repeats most of what has been said above*

    The right man'll come along and in time what you'll remember of this relationship is the good times and not the last few days.

    No man is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry

    Couldn't agree more. He's out there and he's still looking for you too

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks.

    the last thing he said to me was "call me, I'm going to go now, bye." obviously I'm not calling him right away, but I need to give him his stuff back (for me probably more than for him, I doubt he wants half of it but I don't want it in my room)...

    haha, stupid question coming up, but how long should I wait until I call him?
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    3 and a half days.

    lol no im joking, thats an unanswerable question really. how long's a piece of string? (arrrgh a my-dad-saying) i guess maybe about a week... gives it time to look like youre getting over it and avoiding looking like youre obsessing... just enough time to let him know youre not gonna freak out over it. and to give the relationship a "mourning period" i guess, before moving into the stage of becoming friends again. im not suggesting that will only take a week... but there are stages arent there. but its really when you feel up to talking to him again and seeing him again, not in a bf/gf context.

    i dont know how long people are supposed to take in getting over relationships. when i broke up with my long term bf, not long after i was acting as if i was over him and thought i was, in that i didnt want to get back with him, i was happier without him and i wanted to get off with other people, and fancied others. we kept fighting as friends, and after wed not talked a few days i almost texted him to say that i missed him and stuff... it would have been a mistake i think, but it also might have changed what happened next. him going out with this other girl (hes still with her 6 months on) and me realising i wasnt over him, in the form of intense sobbing for hrs on the phone to him and wanting him back. oh the shame of it... but i was judged by some people who were supposed to be my friends, saying that i couldnt have been in love with him if i was okay about going out with/getting off with other guys so soon after. this girl seriously thinking i needed to sit and wait for months here. not how it works, i WAS in love with him or i wouldnt have stayed with him for 16 months! and he was in love with me, i still dont know how he condensed his entire getting over the relationship into 2 weeks and felt ready to start another relationshoip tho.

    anyway im rambling. even now some things come back to me, some of the memories come back almost painfully, of the time we had together. big brother, that doesnt help. we watched that together and there were just memories. andi just remember odd things every now and then about him. ive not seen him since the end of last november, or talked to him on the phone since 28th december when i was doing my crying shit. ive texted and stuff and emailed after that. but not recently for a few months until the other day, when he initiated contact. at first i thought i would be fine.. but when i read his third email,t hat actually had stuff init that wasnt just good luck and exams, it made me feel all weird. i dont want to get back into the idea of wanting him back. or thinking that what we had was worth trying to get again. it happened, its in the past. i dont think its that likely you know, i have other stuff going on in my head and heart now. but it ws just a little fear that i mgiht not be able to fight my feelings like when i found out he was with someone else.

    omg im so sorry im taking over your thread. i think my point was something about how long it takes to get over people generally... it all had a reason at the time but unfortunately i now cant keep my eyes open. so very sorry for rambling excessively like that.

    "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
    ~ Nietzsche
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by amadee:
    Thanks.

    the last thing he said to me was "call me, I'm going to go now, bye." obviously I'm not calling him right away, but I need to give him his stuff back (for me probably more than for him, I doubt he wants half of it but I don't want it in my room)...

    haha, stupid question coming up, but how long should I wait until I call him?

    when it's most convenient to you and not him.

    and if you want to make it less painful but a little cold blooded, just drop the box off at his place when you know he's not home.

    this way you can avoid him for a little longer, if that's what you want.

    good luck with this. i know even the simplest things like this are brutal after a break up. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    gfm, I can relate... I know breakups suck, I've gone through them before, but they've always involved the guy moving away so it's easier that way... I don't have to see them anymore. And don't apologise for rambling, I like reading your long posts! I promise! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    It took me a really long time to get over the person I dated before this most recent guy... mainly because we never officially broke up, and I was so in love with him and all sorts of other things were thrown in there. But he was all the way across the country so the closest I got to seeing him was his brother (who hates me) but that's another story.... Anyway, it took me months and months and months. I don't think it'll be that bad this time but I'm sure I won't start dating anyone until I go to college because there's a very very small number of eligable guys who I have anything in common with here. It's hard to meet people. And I work all the time. And I don't drive and there's no public transportation. So I'm sure I'll be single for the next 3 months. At least.

    Um... yeah, I was thinking somewhere around a week... I don't want to just leave it on his doorstep because I want to make him feel uncomfortable (I know it's bad but he dumped me and he's not going to get away with feeling great about it all the time!).... Plus he has something of my mother's that I need to get back for her.

    An eye for an eye makes the world blind.
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    heeh thanks amadee, at least someone likes my long posts <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; i find them interesting to read when other people do them, but i know a lotta people find them annoying. ah well....
    Originally posted by amadee:
    but I'm sure I won't start dating anyone until I go to college because there's a very very small number of eligable guys who I have anything in common with here. It's hard to meet people. And I work all the time. And I don't drive and there's no public transportation. So I'm sure I'll be single for the next 3 months. At least.

    famous last words! hehe... after breaking up with my first bf last xmas, and getting to about january, i was convinced i was gonna be single for at least the next 9 months till i got to uni. and was promptly proved wrong <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt; now im not ruling out anything or making any statements like that, because i just dont know. about 3 and a half months now till i go off to uni... but will i be single by then or not? who knows....

    "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
    ~ Nietzsche
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah... it's true, you never know. just where i live things are really cliquey. people tend to hang out with people who have similar tastes in music and dress the same, etc... it's natural i guess, but here it's really insane. there's a small group of people who listen to indie and hardcore and stuff, and everyone knows everyone else's business and gossips like mad... last year there were lots of awful rumors flying around about me, and so subsequently no one really likes me much. my ex was warned about me but he didn't listen and got to know me before making judgements, and he realized the rumors were crap. but most people listen to the rumors, so i'm not too popular around here. i don't really meet many people who aren't into the same stuff as me because a) I'm seen as "freaky" and b) I don't go to clubs or do anything social other than go to see bands I like where all the indie kids are who hate me. so yeah... doubt I'll meet anyone. And even if I did I doubt I'd get into a relationship because that would be icky seeing as I'm moving in 2.5 months.

    An eye for an eye makes the world blind.
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    argh that sucks about all those rumours <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; im not that popular here either... even the people who are supposed to be my friends dont like me. and as a result, vice versa <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt; theres cliques here too, the big "popular" clique, which seems to have separated a bit but theres no way i fit in there. and theres the townie lot, who just go round in their cars and hang about the town and stuff. this guy i got off with a few weeks ago was one of those ppl and we didnt have anything in common anyway.

    there isnt anyone in this town id consider having a relationship with really. theres a guy i know who i kinda like in a friendly way whos going to the same uni as me.. but ive never been out with anyone from my town and im never likely to, tbh. as i dont intend to stay here any longer than i have to. the actual place isnt that bad, its a bit quiet and small and not much to do and a bit crap really, but its the people i dislike the most. especially the ones in my year at school, theyve always treated me like shit for some reason. part of it could well be that ive done well in school, at first i was seen to be a boring swot who did nothing but work, then people gradually realised i did the opposite, and STILL got good grades, so they got pissed off at that too. i dont know what it is really, i mean for some reason to people who dont know me that well in school, i have "please treat me like shit and walk all over me" written on my forehead.

    anyway im just looking forward to getting out of here and meeting new people. i cant be that bad a person if i can make friends, based on my personality on the net. and who still get on with me after meeting me or talking on the phone or whatever. so yeah, my town sucks <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt; so does yours by the sounds of it <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
    ~ Nietzsche
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know what you mean! I remember in England there was always a lot of tension between the 'swots' and the other kids... I was like you, got good grades without working, and people resented me for that. Then when I moved here there wasn't that tension anymore, I don't know why. So I haven't had to deal with that in 4 years but I remember how awful it was.

    I'm definitely looking forward to getting out of here. As a town it's not bad at all, it's just the same old people and beyond the couple friends I have there's no one. my three friends are:
    * my ex boyfriend- so things are a bit weird with him because of that
    *this girl who was the reason all the rumors were started, she hated me for a long time but now we're pretty good friends but things are still weird sometimes
    *my most recent ex's friend- so things are weird there too....

    blaaaaahhhh. I have to move! now! grrr.

    An eye for an eye makes the world blind.

    [This message has been edited by amadee (edited 18-06-2001).]
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    oh i so know the feeling. my friends consist of:

    julie - someone ive been friends with for a couple of years, shes the only person who invites me out anywhere or who texts me out of the lot of them, she went through a long term relationship with my bfs friend at the same time as me so we talk about stuff like that in detail. but she can be fickle and side with the rest of them in arguments and not give reasons for ignoring me sometimes which sucks.

    jon - a guy who for a long time fancied julie and theres something going on still, but shes with another guy. he now has a whole other group of friends, which hes pretty much admitted are better than us and more fun. *snip* <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;

    a group of people who are friends with julie who ive hung around with for a few years. some of them pretend they like me and you can tell its a pretence because the convo is so strained. they dont like me and they dont understand me or make any effort to. i have nothing in common with them, other than julie, and the fact theyre not the most popular of people. a specific few people have made my life miserable at certain times too so not really my choice of people to hang round with..

    im glad its not just me that experienced the swot/jealousy thing!! just means all english people suck <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt; why cant the friends i have in my town be more like the friends on the internet? understanding, caring, people i have things in common with, people who arent gonna just ignore my problems and talk about their insignificant ones in preference. okay there are only a handful of people on the internet id consider true friends, but generally even the others are better than the ones that are my friends here. but i did stop counting everyone apart from julie (jon is in a different kinda category) as a friend a while ago, and i dont particularly want to spend time with them unless its at a club where its not so bad, with a couple of the fair-weather variety that talk only when theres no one better around and they cant find some bloke to sit and snog all night. but clubs are only fun if julie goes. and sadly shes moving at the end of july. bye bye my social life until uni! with the exception of a coupla days in the holiday...

    at least i dont have to feel too guilty about turning this thread into a conversation because its your thread anyway amadee <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    roll on the autumn i say!!

    "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
    ~ Nietzsche

    [This message has been edited by Girl-From-Mars (edited 11-07-2001).]
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, it would be pretty bad if this was someone else's topic! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    I think I'm going to be a recluse and sit in my room all day every day and never call anyone. Grr. One of my friends is out of town and doesn't know about the break up yet but the other 2 do know and haven't called me in a couple days which is kinda weird because I'm obviously going through some icky stuff and need moral support and I've been there for them a gazillion times.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh dear. Late as ever <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;

    Amadee, I'm so sorry about your break-up. It's terribly painful, and I don't really have much advice to offer on this one, 'cept smile <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; because there's plenty more around and there will be someone just right for you soon.

    (and beautiful essays GFM <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt; )

    This is the first day of the rest of your life.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks stellar. i'm doing pretty well right now, just getting by day by day. last night i saw a note he wrote me a couple months ago lying on my floor, i picked it up and read it and it said "i love you more than i can put into words. i love you with everything i have to give." ... that made me pretty sad and i cried a bunch but then i went to sleep and woke up feeling pretty good again. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmmm. you know amadee, living the life of an internet recluse might not be such a bad thing for a while. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt;

    fuck everyone, you got us here, you can order pizza and sodas online, why the hell do you need real friends? the internet will give you what need. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;

    kidding of course.

    maybe you should buzz ur friends to let them know ur ready to get out a bit and get back into life. sometimes people put on kid gloves and get too sensitive about stuff. maybe they think they're doing a good thing and giving you time?

    besides, i don't get the impression that you're a sit at home and wallow in the ben and jerry's kinda gal anyways. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i called my friend maya today and we might hang out tonight. and i have tentative plans with my ex on wednesday so i will be getting out. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    I'm a sit at home person by default, just because there's no way I can get out and do something w/o bumming a ride from someone else.

    I spent all day at work today posting at thesite and looking at college classes and day dreaming and trying to decide if I want to double major or not. It was nice. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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    Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    ah i know how it is to be a recluse. i have an exam on wednesday and work thurs fri and sat. and plans for saturday night. so there we go, thats my activities for the week <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;

    stellar (as lovely as the ~* thingies are i get them so confused and try and put them the wrong way round so it confuses me toooo much!) im glad someone else appreciates my writings <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; lol.. however hard i try i cant write less unless i stop thinking about posts and just reply in a mechanical way, so you either get some lenghty story and maybe some good advice or you get the same as everyone else says <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt; hehehe...

    its always the way isnt it, you come across things theyve sent you and it makes you sad. i had things from my ex ex boyfriend about the place, cards and such like, and they were there for 2 weeks after we broke up till he told me bout the other girl. then one day my mum were here just dropping off some clean washing, and then i caught sight of this valentines card and bday card hed sent me, i ran across my room, picked them up, and rammed them in my bottom drawer in disgust just to get them out of sight. they're still there and this was 6 months ago. ive looked at them maybe once or twice though.

    i feel like i should email tom back (first ex.. getting confusing with all these referrals to who people are!), he emailed me sometime last week and said some stuff about how he was getting on. i went all weird and talked about it with people and didnt do anything about it. he has NO idea what he put me through. the last time he heard my voice was at the end of december sobbing for 6 hrs and begging him to get back with me. some weird combination of upset, hurt, lonely, angry and bitter. and final, very very final. i said some horrible things that seemed to just flow over him, which hurt even more, that i couldnt get to him anymore, he had really detached his feelings from me. i want to tell him the effect hes had on me.. but i also dont, because that would make him have the power, the superiority and id have lost my pride. and he might think that i still have feeligns for him or something terrible which i certainly dont. feelings of bitterness and hurt sometimes. and i do look back on our relationship fondly, for the most part. its just all this other stuff. i dunno.

    glad you're doing better anyway amadee xxx

    "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
    ~ Nietzsche
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think if you tell Tom how you feel you aren't giving him the power. You're telling it how it is. You can just email him, and say "you know what? I need to get this off my chest..." and just tell him how you feel. You can explain that you don't have feelings for him anymore, but you need to absolutely finalize everything, and until you think he understands how much he hurt you, you're not going to be able to completely let it go. I think you're giving yourself power here, not the other way around. just tell him exactly what you just told me.
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