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Have to get it off my chest.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I will REMOVE the fucking toilet seat if you don't shut up.

I have never once in my entire life been asked nicely to leave the toilet seat in some specific position. It seems as if it is some sort of rule that women cannot simply request this of someone, they have to break into a song-like rant, spitting obscenities and shaking their finger at you. I by no means wish to clump ALL women into this group. I am not leaving out the possibility that only women I associate with have this problem. So basically, when I refer to "women" in this little rant, take it with a grain of salt. You know who you are....those women...

Recently, while watching some typical stand up comedy with my girlfriend, I noted that during a joke the comedian was doing, he said something about leaving the toilet lid down as being a bad thing. My girlfriend explained, while glaring at me, that leaving the lid and the seat down is just as bad if not worse than leaving both of them up. This is apparently due to the fact that when one has to pee, they plop down on the lid, cannot tell that it is down and begin to pee on the lid.

I have been told the exact same reason for all of this from every girl who has screamed at me for it and it has got to be one of the stupidest admissions that I have ever heard in my entire life.

"We don't always look before we sit down, and sometimes at night we don't even turn on the light."

This is a deficiency. This admission, made almost with pride, says two things to me:

- I make unwarranted assumptions.
- I am militantly unaware of my environment.

So as a male, apparently I am expected to make up for this deficiency by making sure that the lid is always left in the correct position. In the interest of not falling into the toilet and/or urinating on myself, I always make sure to look before I sit down. I find the concept of "not looking" interesting. How exactly does one not see the condition of the toilet before sitting on it? The only solutions I have been able to come up with on my own (since females seem uninterested or unable to tell me) are these:

- Women enter the bathroom with their eyes closed or while staring at the ceiling.
- Women open the bathroom door and then proceed to back into the bathroom using their rear-end to locate the toilet.
- Women only do bathroom business after daylight hours and are incapable of and/or unwilling to operate a light switch.
- All women are very cleverly hiding the fact that they are born blind.
- Toilets/toilet seats are diabolically engineered to be completely invisible to women.

One time, when I was about seven, my skinny little ass fell into the toilet because I had left the toilet seat and lid up. Having no girth to speak of I fell right in and dipped my bare hiney in the cold (yet thankfully clean) toilet water. This was not only embarrassing but uncomfortable as well. Since that day, I have never fallen into or even come close to falling into the toilet. Might I also remind everyone that men sit down, too. Personally in the comfort of my own home (where the toilet seat is relatively clean), I rather prefer sitting down due to the fact that it is plainly less taxing and requires no aiming or standing (not that aiming and standing are all that big a task, I am just lazy).

This rant isn't due to the fact that I am unwilling to help women with this admitted deficiency. Rather, I find it infuriating that because women are seemingly unable to check to make sure that the toilet seat is down, they take this anger out on me. It becomes my deficiency, I am less of a person because I cannot remember to put the seat down/lid up. I can understand the embarrassment of urinating on ones self and or falling into a toilet, but getting angry with someone else because you did something foolish is rather immature. In some Asiatic/Middle-eastern countries, they have unisex restrooms where they squat over holes in the ground and "wipe" by splashing water on themselves. I propose a compromise, you may keep complaining and we men shall suffer it for about 10 minutes before taking a hack saw and simply removing the source of debate. Problem solved, you must now "hover".

:cool:

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What about those public unisex lavatories? The ones where the seat is widened, but a gap left at the front, taking into consideration the needs of both genders? Why not simply replace your one with one of those, instead of attacking it?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Great idea!

    Why didn't I think of spending all my wages on a toilet sooner?

    :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how can you not feel the toilet seat underneath you, its curved!!!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by z0ma
    Great idea!

    Why didn't I think of spending all my wages on a toilet sooner?

    :p
    You would with either of our methods. You'd progressively get more and more sick of a toilet without a seat and ultimately get a new one.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just piss in a fucking bucket then you wont get nagged at
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Char_Baby
    just piss in a fucking bucket then you wont get nagged at

    Hey. I can operate the toilet, thank cha very much. S'you lot who seem to have the problems! :p ...those women...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Have to get it off my chest.
    Originally posted by z0ma
    This is apparently due to the fact that when one has to pee, they plop down on the lid, cannot tell that it is down and begin to pee on the lid.

    Heh, the insanity!!

    I just hate having to put down/lift things. :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can honestly say I have no idea why women get mardy about this :confused: its never bothered me, although there has been the odd (drunken) time when ive sat on it with the seat up before and it hurts :blush:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What i dont understand is that we need the toilet seat to be up, why do some females [no generalisation btw] think that you have to follow their rules? And besides, Its not that bloody big an issue is it! 0.5 seconds of movement, 5 if you're drunk, OMG!!! lol
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For some reason I hate touching the seat with anything other than my ass. :|
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by DaisyChainThing
    For some reason I hate touching the seat with anything other than my ass. :|
    how did you arrive at this conclusion?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    At the mo there are 3 guys in the house and 2 women. And they (the woman) demand the seat up.



    Fuck em.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    See you're all plenty able to rant but when I ask if any of you want to rant here you stay silent, bah!

    :rolleyes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aaw..well, I'd think of a rant, but..I'm just that easy going :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have never had a problem with my boyfriend and the toilet seat/lid being up or down..

    WHAT I CAN'T GET MY HEAD AROUND IS WHY THE F**K HE HAS TO PISS ALL OVER THE SEAT!!!!

    infact...its not just him, where i work I regularly go into the ladies toilets and find a big puddle of piss all over the seat...Why can't people wipe up after themselves, or more to the point ISN'T THE HOLE BIG ENOUGH? Why can't people aim!!

    I have half a mind to leave a big shit on the toilet seat one morning and then excuse myself just like my boyfriend does by saying 'Oh shut up - its only a bit of shit you can wipe it off'
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by byny
    I have half a mind to leave a big shit on the toilet seat one morning and then excuse myself just like my boyfriend does by saying 'Oh shut up - its only a bit of shit you can wipe it off'

    PMSL!

    In fact there is one very good reason why I insist that everyone in my house should put the lid down before they flush the toilet. And that is the staggering dstance that spray from the flush travels. A recent study (NYU) found that the average toilet can project fecal spray some twenty feet. Because of this spray, people can get coated with a fine mist containing a variety of contagions. I don`t want that on me and I certainly don`t want to think about that getting on my toothbrush thank you. ::yuck:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by z0ma
    Great idea!

    Why didn't I think of spending all my wages on a toilet sooner?

    :p

    :lol:

    I dont think ive ever moaned at anyone for leaving the seat up... if its up when i need to pee i put it down, and if its down when a fella needs to pee they put it up, does it really matter?! :confused:
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