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The crappiest jokes you know!!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
cmon, post the crappiest yet somehow most hilarious jokes you know! wa-hey! mines would be:

Did you hear about the magic tractor??

It turned into a field!!!

LMFAOROTFLOL!!!!!!!

cmon u no u wanna laugh.................
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :lol: LMFAO that's a classic :D


    When is a door not a door? when it's ajar :rolleyes:


    Why does the avon lady walk funny? Her lipstick :lol: (best joke EVER)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
    Why does the avon lady walk funny? Her lipstick :lol: (best joke EVER)

    i dont get it...



    whats white and blue and cant climb trees?

    a fridge with a denim jacket
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Black Hole Sun
    i dont get it...

    lips...stick...


    Why did the woman cross the road? More to the point what's she doing out of the house?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by HunnyPot
    Why did the woman cross the road? More to the point what's she doing out of the house?


    I question how sad I am when I laugh at that :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by chaos_insomniac



    When is a door not a door? when it's ajar :rolleyes:


    EVER)

    hehehehehehe! good one!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lips stick...

    ew ew ew ew ew ew e we ew ew ew ew ew
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
    Why does the avon lady walk funny? Her lipstick :lol: (best joke EVER)

    lmao! :lol:


    Why did the pervert cross the road?

    His dick was stuck in the chicken.


    :lol:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Which former American President has no religious beliefs?

    Ronald Pagan

    i apologise :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Black Hole Sun
    lips stick...

    ew ew ew ew ew ew e we ew ew ew ew ew


    :yes: it's a classic :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    last post honestly, shamlessly stolen from some dude

    Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him,
    resting on the seventh day.

    He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
    God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."

    Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
    It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place of great balance."

    "Balance?"inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

    The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large
    landmass in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?" "Ah,"
    said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

    Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed;
    "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"

    God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the bastards I'm putting next to
    them...."
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    black hole sun, what is ur av supposed to be? sorry, its confusing me, is it a dancing fridge?!

    also did u used to post on handbag.com?

    (sorry folks, off topic, im away now)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its a domo-kun weird jap cute monster thing, and no :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ok, cheers, just wonderin!

    its cute tho, i like the funky wee dance it does! :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how do you put an elephant in the refrigarter?

    open the door and shove him in :lol:



    how do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

    open the door, take out the elephant, and put him in :lol::lol:


    when the lion king has his meeting, what animal doesn't show up?

    the giraffe, because he's in the fridge :lol::lol::lol:


    how do you cross alligator infested waters?

    just walk across, because the alligators are at the lion kings meeting :lol::lol::lol::lol:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What do you call Postman Pat when he's retired?

    Pat :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by chaos_insomniac
    Why does the avon lady walk funny? Her lipstick :lol: (best joke EVER)

    YOU STOLE MY JOKE :mad:

    Why was the washing machine laughing?

    'cause it was taking the piss out of the knickers :p

    ......
    .......
    ........



    Two bisexual drama students are sharing a flat and all of a sudden there's a powercut. So they're waiting around, wondering when it'll come back on and one says

    "Where's the candle?"

    "Yeah it does doesn't it!" The other replies.

    ......
    .........
    ..........



    This woman and her husband have been married for three years and every time they make wild and passionate love, the husband insists on turning the lights out.
    Anyway, finally the wife gets sick of this and turns the lamp on suddenly and she finds her husband holding a dildo.

    "How the hell are you going to explain this???" She yells at her other half. The husband frowns, dildo in hand and replies.

    "I'll explain the dildo, if you'll explain our kids!"
    :p:p:p:p:p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by misscrow4
    k, erm..

    i wouldnt say my mother-in-law is fat, but when she sits around the house... she sits around the house.

    hehehehe

    Yo mama's teeth so yellow, she can swill water and spit out lemonade!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Creeper

    Two bisexual drama students are sharing a flat and all of a sudden there's a powercut. So they're waiting around, wondering when it'll come back on and one says

    "Where's the candle?"

    "Yeah it does doesn't it!" The other replies.
    I don't get it :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Skateside
    I don't get it :(
    Ahh - just got it! :D

    only took me 50 minutes :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    knock knock

    whos there

    docter

    docter who?

    you know me already!!!

    BAABOOM CHHHHHHHHHH!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Skateside
    Ahh - just got it! :D

    only took me 50 minutes :p

    im gonna kick myself and feel like a numpty when you tell me...but i still dont get it?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by sandy1234
    im gonna kick myself and feel like a numpty when you tell me...but i still dont get it?
    "Where's the candle?" = "whares the candle", as in "out"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Black Hole Sun
    last post honestly, shamlessly stolen from some dude

    Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him,
    resting on the seventh day.

    He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
    God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."

    Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
    It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place of great balance."

    "Balance?"inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

    The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large
    landmass in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?" "Ah,"
    said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

    Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed;
    "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"

    God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the bastards I'm putting next to
    them...."


    :lol::lol::lol:


    And from the department of the where's the candle joke: Two nuns in a bath. One says to the other "where's the soap?" "It does doesn't it!"

    What do you call 2 rows of cabbages? A duel cabbageway!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yo mama so old she owe Jesus ten bucks.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    1) why did the chicken cross the road?

    2)What do you drink when you are thirsty?

    scroll down for answers

























    1) To get to the other side

    2) Water

    well u did say the worst jokes
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What do you call a man with tree on his head? Edwardd

    What do you calla man with 2 trees on his head? Edward Woodward

    What do you call a man with a spade in his head? Dug

    What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff

    What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack

    What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a barrel of water? Bob


    (:no: It's disturbing the useless information my brain saves.)
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    Flake_MustaineFlake_Mustaine Posts: 1,261 Wise Owl
    What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head?

    Sister Matic

    :lol:
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    Flake_MustaineFlake_Mustaine Posts: 1,261 Wise Owl
    And another Nun one that I remembered from somewhere..

    Two nuns are driving through a desert just outside Transylvania at dusk. Out from behind a huge boulder leaps a vampire... He jumps onto the hood of the car and starts clawing his way up to the windshield. The nuns are starting to get very worried and one nun turns to the other in panic and says "What should we do??!"

    The nun quickly replies "Wind down your window and show him your cross!!"

    So.. the other nun winds down her window, sticks out her head and yells "Fuck off you bastard!!!!"

    :lol::lol:


    edited coz i can't spell this morning :p
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    Flake_MustaineFlake_Mustaine Posts: 1,261 Wise Owl
    And one more coz it's Saturday...

    An old man standing at a bus stop, observing a young man with orange, green, and blue spiked hair. After a few moments of feeling uncomfortable, the young man spoke up, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild?"

    The old man smiled back at him and said, "Well, yes. I once had sex with a parrot, and I was just wondering if you might be my son...."

    :lol::lol::lol:
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    White NoiseWhite Noise Posts: 624 Incredible Poster
    ok, heres a really really really great one......



    man walks into a bar and says 'ouch!'
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