Low confidence

Former Member

Hi I'm 17 and im feeling really low at the moment.

I have very low confidence and Its effecting me greatly. I don't have many friends and I haven't had a girlfriend for a long time. I can't really talk to girls, I just have this thought stuck in my head that they would rather be somewhere else than talk to me. Im not very good looking and I always think I will be without a girlfriend for a long time. I would love to be with a girl just to cuddle up to her and be with her but im sure all of them think im a loser. The few friends I have pull girls left right and centre and its just so easy for them, when im with them the girls don't even look at me, just at them. I spend most of my time out of work at home because I am fed up of being ignored. Sorry to be so down.

Just wanted to hear what other people think and if anyone is in the same situation as me.

Thanx. Joe

Former Member

sorry to hear your so down, put dont be.

i used to have very low confidence, i couldnt talk to lads at all, and all my mates seeemed to have boyfirends but never me. then i realsied that you are who you are so you just need to accept it. the more down you are, the worse things are gonna be cos a girl wont be interested if your an unhappy person. just pick up on the good points about yourself.

i dont have much of a problem talking to lads anymore, and i cant beleive that i used to think it was so hard! if you found the courage to speak to a girl you'd realise that it really isnt that hard, and thats the only way to get a girl interested in you. if you dont talk to girls then they cant get to know you. its not just all about looks, if you got talking to a girl and let your personality shine out then if she was worth bothering with she wouldnt really care if your not very attractive, personaltiy should be more important.

Former Member

Well Joe i'll be your friend!

And yes everyone has at sometime in there lives(or will) have low confidence I'm having mine now as well

Lucky i've got few good mates who i'm going on Holiday(7 of us) and i hope to lose my low confidence with beer, sun and relaxing

Hmmm what kind of girl do you want? a nice girl who doesn't alway want to go out, that can be happy infront of the Tv cuddling and watching films??...I'm not sure how your going to get a gf, I'm also looking but not having much luck myself

try going to more clubs and take the edge of trying to get a gf by drinking lots and having fun with your mates, I'm sure in a few years your life will add up and your be happy(that what i'm hoping for anyway)

Still if you want to chat or anything PM me, i'll be more then happy to try and offer more help

P.S Its okay to feel down on here, most ppls will try there best to help you feel better.


<IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Former Member

Know what you mean.

People are usually better looking than *they* think they are.

Nice sig, but Alchohol is never the problem <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> , only the solution...

Oh, and welcome to TheSite <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

[ 29-05-2002: Message edited by: mr turbo head ]

Former Member

(Same poster but with a bit different name) Thanks to everyone who has replied so far. This site is much better than other ones, 1 site i just got the piss took out of me which made me feel a whole lot better lol, i will try and take all this advice in but talking to girls is really difficult, im fine with them if they generally are interested in me but its extremely rare that i even get one who will look at me!!

Former Member

You tried messageboard.com? <IMG SRC="eek.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> If not, don't...they *do* take the piss.

So my friends say, relationships usually start from friends of friends etc, rather than random people. Just a thought.

Former Member

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Believe it or not girls dont always go for looks, personality and a good sense of humour means a lot. Don't give up hope there is a person out there for everyone! Many people have times in their life when they feel lonely god knows i hated being 17 but new good things are on there way to you!
You will meet loads of new people when you start work or go to university. I hated school and college but uni and work were great!
Keep smiling! <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

Former Member

Best thing is to say one self "This is the way I am, and the people who will accept it, will be the one to enjoy, the ones who won't accept, can go fuck themselves. I don't care".

Until three years ago, I was also known as shy. But I got fed up with lying in bed at night thinking of what I 'could' have said.
Of course it took some time to begin to say what I felt. But the fact is, that I am soooo much happier now, where I feel that I can have my say without needing to hide, and seeing everyone else shine.


With the girls, you need to force yourself going out with mates and so. By going out you will learn to know a lot of new people. After some time of seeing them, the "hello, how are you's" will begin. And you will find conversations much more natural.

Good luck! If there is anything, you can always PM me.

Former Member

*big hugs to joekein*

there are nice girls just keep looking! <img src="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/Gif/homercrawl.gif&quot; alt="image">

Former Member

I felt the same for a while, but now I'm coming out of my low.
I got sick of thinking about what I could have said but didn't.

Don't worry, things will work out eventually. The best thing to do is to make a promise to yourself to speak to more people. They don't necessarily have to be female though. Once you know them you can get to know their friends too, and who knows, eventually you might meet your girlfriend.

That's what I've done anyway. Although I haven't got a girlfriend yet, there are so many other benefits from it. The more you socialise, the more confidence you gain, and the more good friends you'll get.

Also, grab every opportunity to go out. The more people you can meet the more likely you are to get a girlfriend.

I know it's not always easy - I'm still single afterall! It's important not to give up though. I've percevered (or however u spell it-lol) and I'm now at the point where I can walk over and have a friendly conversation with girls.:)

Also - remember to smile, it's a friendly gesture that puts people at ease. I used to be all too good with that straight face/please don't talk to me I'm too scared look.

Good Luck!:cool:

I am 19btw.

Former Member

Bro, don't stress too much just yet. Chicks and guys are different in a lot of ways (yes, yes, we all know that...), and they are much more likely to be impressed by a fun, easy-going guy who's happy with himself than good looks. Now, i'm not saaying you're ugly or you don't like yourself etc, but what i am saying is work on having fun with your mates and that sort of stuff, coz then it's all a natural progression to talking to chicks, flirting , etc....

Dude, don't worry, God don't make junk and he made you...don't argue with Him, you'll lose! Just live life and things will happen

Former Member

I'd agree with what others have said about building up confidence steadily. I'd also add from experience that it pays to go out and stick with whatever scene interests you, but give it time. You'll start to meet other likeminded people, and they'll slowly get to know you. Try to concentrate on having fun for now.

I was in a similar situation last year until a (female) mate introduced me to the clubs etc she goes to. At first, I felt like a stranger. Now I go out a couple of times a week and have a few beers and a laugh with the crowd. You'll also maybe find (like I did) that people will eventually talk to you. I'm still looking for someone myself, but I now have enough self-confidence to know that one day that person will turn up.

So don't give up hope mate, just give it time.:)

Former Member

I read something in a magazine which seemed to make sense...
'say into a mirror 5 times, "i am gorgeous". even if you feel stupid to start off with it does actually help your confidence

Former Member

im sorry to hear about that.
what i would say is that girls really do look for whats inside.(i know because im a girl!) if you aren't blessed with good looks and you think that girls wont date you for that reason then you are a fool. You sound as though you lack confidence and your looks aren't helping you. i would suggest that you get out-if you are always in your room then of course you aren't gonna date, because no-one can see you. I suggest that you join a club/group something and meet new people, that may help. Last thing- you dont need a girl to make a happy!

Former Member

HI M8.

i 2 believe i am facially challenged. i'm 20, had 3 gfriends my entire life, and went 1 wholw year wivowt one whilst my m8s were owt gettin layed left right and centre.

I have also had to live in the shadow of a cuple of gud m8s, and have been the ugly one of the group. i know this is gonna sound tacky, but ure obv a nice bloke and this is really getting u down, but if u deserve something it will come to you. u shudnt go owt looking 4 something, trying too hard can put girls off. just relax take things as they come.

b happy 4 ure mates wen they find sum1 and dnt spend ur liofe wishing u were sumthing different. there is sum1 out there, make sure wen u find it u take the chance.

i know that ive just found the love of my life and i'm as happy as larry, i still have self-esteem issues, but u cant let that stop u frm doin wot u wnt.

hope this drivvle actually helps.

c ya:D

Former Member

olimarsh,

Just for reference, it's a great idea to write in understandable English. Not text-talk etc.

Not having a go, just letting you know before someone else does.

b happy 4 ure mates wen they find sum1 and dnt spend ur liofe wishing u were sumthing different. there is sum1 out there, make sure wen u find it u take the chance.

Very true...

Former Member

cheers mr turbo head. no offence taken, as i have been informed of my useless grammar and am trying my hardest to sort it out!!


but i'm glad u valued my opinion.

Former Member

relationships usually start from friends of friends etc, rather than random people.


this guy turbo head his more right than you think.

its so much easier when a person you fancy a bit knows someone you do - you can use them as a go-between. it makes the whole process so much easier because you can hang out together and see the real person - no one is more themselves than when they are with their friends.

Former Member

sometimes confidence comes in waves. It can be triggered by success in different areas or just a good day, spontaneous luck, or nice weather and location. I always focus on doing good things for myself to help boost it. Spirituality, fitness, self help books, community involvement, sports, job. Don't focus all your energy in going public and feeling you have to confront girls and compare yourself to your buddies. Look for confidence in other ways and then when you feel well, go out with your friends and be natural. Talk to guys and girls and enjoy the mood. Go to the right places that have a scene you can relate to. Remember, not everyone fits the magazine discription of good looking. Their are plenty of girls who would say they are not that good looking. Look at personality first. But locking yourself at home feeling pity won't help. If bars aren't the best place for you to be social right now, look elsewhere.