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What The Fuck Have I Done?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I just sent Greg an email of a letter I wrote to all of my friends. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to write in my life. It said basically that I didn't like the way they were controlling my life and that I am so unhappy with how my life is right now that I felt I had to write how I felt down. I can't tell people things to their face, I just can't, I try to but I can't (ask Scott). So as Greg isn't going to be in school tomorrow I had to email it to him. It said basically to him that I didn't want to be with him anymore because I only said yes to him because of pressure from my friends and the fact that I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I know how much he likes me and I love him to bits but as a FRIEND. I didn't realise that until I was in my mums shower on Friday, and I went to write in the condensation (yes I'm sad) 'I :heart: Scott' I was like WHOAH! Not right. But anyway, yes, the letter said that he was NOT a rebound, because he wasn't and that I was really really sorry for hurting him. But I was talking to him and he was basically saying, 'You've hurt me too much, I am a rebound, Scott's got to you, and I don't want to be friends with you anymore'. If he had just read the bit about him then I would have understood but there was a lot more about why I am unhappy which I don't think he read because of the way he said it. It really upset me and I am sat here with tears running down my face because he was one of my very best friends and the only person I felt I could really trust. I didn't want to hurt him but I did. I was only trying to explain to everyone how I felt. Now I've lost one of my very best friends. I hate myself. I can't do anything right. And if he reacted like that I don't want to think what the rest of them, especially Woo, are gonna do. The bit about Woo is much much worse and the last time I tried to explain to her she stopped talking to me for the day.

What am I gonna do? I always end up hurting people. I don't want to anymore. But I can't be happy unless I tell people how I feel. God, I'm so fucked up.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm really sorry for how things are going for you at the mo. I dont think you're to blame for telling your friend about your true feelings. Thats fair enough and whether it hurts him or not, he needs to know rather than living a lie, as it were. Dont feel bad, hes just hurting at the moment and i'm pretty sure once he realises you're hurting too and that you only did it for the best, he'll be your friend once more. However, you have to realise that its never going to be the same between the two of you. It may be close, but you'll never be quite as close mates as you were before this. Trust me, i know.
    I take it Scott knows how you feel? Cause I think the best thing you can do is get everything out. That includes telling Woo. Whether she likes it or not, she needs to know what you're thinking and how you're feeling. It'll just be a massive misunderstanding on the cards otherwise. Do exactly that. Lay all your cards on the table. Nothing hidden. That way, everyone knows where you stand and you can leave them to fall as they may. Take life as it comes because its true what they say even though it might not seem it sometimes; "Every cloud has a silver lining".
    Sorry if i didnt help at all!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It was helpful kinda :p Woo hates me atm because she thinks what I wrote was pathetic and she called me attention seeking and she said she was getting really pissed off with all my 'complaining'. It really upset me and most of last night was spent with me crying my eyes out. Today I kinda gave her another letter that I wrote last night which basically said, 'You think my life looks great? You don't have to live in my head, trying to make everyone else happy by doing what they want for me, I'm fed up of it I'm just gonna do what I want now, make MYSELF happy, nobody else will' which kinda pissed her off and she kept having a go at me all day. Greg, meanwhile has said not one single word to me all day, and in History he was talking to my ex-mate Kay about me when I was right in front of them and he knew I could hear me. His brother has been mouthing off at me all day and I just got so annoyed. I've been biting my lip all day trying to stop myself going mental, so now my lip is bright red and twice the size it was this morning. I don't know how I'm gonna sort this out! Woo doesn't listen to a word I say!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    have you spoken to him face to face,i know its hard but it may be the only way he'll learn to forgive you,if he's that important you'll make the effort right?hes angry,hes lonely,and its likely he feels like no one can ever love him...no matter what happens you should never hate yourself ok,feel bad knowing what you've done was wrong...ok(you shouldnt have got together if you didnt like him)
    im sure your a nice person and everything but the last thing you should do is cry over him,if you dont love him(the big love)then you shouldnt be that unhappy about it,unless your like really close then maybe(i dont know how close you 2were/are)

    make up with him show him your sorry,not in an email but to his face,he proberly feels like its his fault your unhappy.....you really should talk to him and explain it too him properly,maybe he'll understand
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeh I know but, and I have (tried to) explain that it's very very hard for me to say stuff like that to people. The words they just refuse to come outta my mouth. It's bloody fucking irritating! Anyway, I will try.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    try hard ok,if hes your best mate then hes worth it,whats confusing about this just explain and apologise to him,itll work ok...is there something else is he just a friend?or is he just a friend but scared what'll happen if you two do get together?maybe itll work,i was in love with my best mate and we were gr8,the only reason it ended is coz they moved....anyway whatever the problem is,the only way you can sort it is talking to him ok.
    what everthe out come it will be hard but you'll be ok,trust me

    good luck..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He is just my mate, I've tried to think of him as more than that but it didn't work, not for me anyway. Hmmmmmmmmm I'm still confused RARGH! This isn't fun :( I hate myself still and I will forever cos I hurt him more than I thought I would and I nearly lost one of my best mates. I'M SO FUCKING STUPID! Why can't I sort my fucking head out?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know you may be confused hun,ive answered,or put forward some solutions to your problem,theyre in the email you recieved..anyway im not toatlly sure all i know is you HAVE to stop feeling terrible for whats happened,this wont be straight forward you know but you can do it,your stronger than you'll first think,everyone is...maybe you need help to sort things out,just ask A FRIEND...after all friends are the key to enjoying life
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