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1 4 the lads plz giv advice!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
this is basically 1 4 the lads but if any gals know nething bout this then feel free 2 answer!!

do lads find it difficult 2 talk 2 their gf bout their feelings and stuff?

the reason im askin is cos my bf always says he finds it really difficult 2 talk bout stuff. he can talk bout general stuff, but when it comes 2 anything remotley emotional or feelings he just cant!

so ne help wud be great!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/eek.gif"&gt; the thought of holding a conversation with my bf about this!

    I think all guys get put on the defensive every time things like "we need to talk" come up because there's so much hype about it in the media.

    dunno why I'm posting, I don't know the answer either! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/confused.gif"&gt;

    This is the first day of the rest of your life.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its soooooo annoying! i can talk2 my bf bout normal stuff but when ever we get into a "we need 2 talk" situation i might aswell say "i need 2 talk" lol.

    is ur bf much the same?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it's only happened once and then we weren't face2face (the power of sms <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt; ). we're both shy so i think we just find it hard to bring the subject up. deep down i think he'd be able to, it's just that he's feel embarrassed - perhaps it's an instinct thing, you know, for protection or something <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/confused.gif"&gt; ?!

    some guys out there respond!

    This is the first day of the rest of your life.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmmm jamie int scared he awlays tells me he loves me etc but when it comes 2 really opening up he just cant/wont.

    so stressfull!

    yeah cum on guys respond!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    actually, what i've learned over the years is that i end up saying too much sometimes.

    i try to make my life an a open book for my partner because what's the point in holding stuff back? it only makes ur gf upset like jolizzie is. and the inability to open up makes true intimacy impossible.

    so all i can say to those guys having trouble telling their girlfriends personal info and making themselves vulnerable, try it once and see how much your gf will love you for it.

    one thing jolizzie -- not defending him or anything, but sometimes people read too much into something. there will be those days where he's just tired and not very talkative. and you need to understand that on those days, it's nothing more than fatigue. one in a while, give him the benefit of the doubt.

    good luck.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Agree, I don't understand why us blokes find it hard to talk about 'feelings' but I have to ask - Why do women always want to "talk about us"?

    And why do you want try to changes us and then six months later break up saying that "you're not the person I fell in love with"? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I find it hard to have those kinds of talks "the were is this going" or whats wrong I say nothing when something really is doesn't ever work out to well for me tho i either end up breaking up with them over this or they get really mad big fight then over thats y i trying to be friends with someone b4 anything else (hope it works cause if not i'm just going to give up) wait does this make me a guy? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    I know I'm not perfect but I can smile
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Soz i'm not gonna be much help but my bf is the total opposite!! He's the one which starts it not me!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I find it really hard to talk about emotions and feelings, beyond the I'm happy/sad stage.

    but then I find it hard to talk about anything subjective.

    I like the matrix. why? umm, well err, its er good.

    I'm sad. why Err, I don't know.

    which is better, bold or persil? err, um, well err, my mum always used persil.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kitty_Meowing:
    I find it hard to have those kinds of talks "the were is this going" or whats wrong I say nothing when something really is doesn't ever work out to well for me tho i either end up breaking up with them over this or they get really mad big fight then over thats y i trying to be friends with someone b4 anything else (hope it works cause if not i'm just going to give up) wait does this make me a guy? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;


    having a penis makes you a guy, kitty, not this. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;

    this makes u a private person who sometimes would rather keep her thoughts to herself.. even if that means she could lose a potential relationship.

    my guess kitty is that one day, you'll find the one guy who will open the flood gates and ur gonna want to tell everything to.

    good luck in finding "the one." <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dunno! lads r so strange! further up my post soem 1 said y do girls always say " ur not the person i fell in love with" well basiclly its usually cos u try to tell the guy wots goin wrong in the relationship but no changes r made and in the end u r soo fed up u just cant take ne more!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah but on the other hand as a bloke (we'd only mention that youre not feeling greatif it was of earth shattering importance of course) if you mention things arent going well then immediately its a big crisis and they want to know exactly whats on your mind and eventually you are trying to solve problems that dont exist! SOME THINGS ARENT WORTH SAYING! they cause more problems than they solve....... you may not agree but this is just my experience.... next time im going to bottle up my problems like everyone else dammit!

    I need to wash myself again to hide all the dirt and pain, but I'd be scared that there's nothing underneath
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    calvin - i understand wot u r saying bout people having there off days but these days its like everyday is an off day 2 him.

    take last nite 4 instance, i suggested that we cud watch soppy films all nite (u know hugging up 2 eachother n stuff) n we sat up talking to my mum and dad drinking n stuff till 1.30 then they went 2 bed, and as soon as we were in the living room alone he conked out on me and fell asleep now how rejected did i feel????? answer very!

    we were watching titanic which used 2 be his and his xs film, but we both said we were gonna make it our film (i love it)

    i dunno wots wrong with him ne more but it is gettin me down heaps!

    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is the whole problem with relationships. You want to say something to show them that you like them - but without saying the L word, without sounding as if you don't like them and at the same time worrying about their feelings. Everything you say might have a double meaning. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/eek.gif"&gt;

    Why do girls want to talk about "us" with their bfs? That's a really hard question to answer actually! I think it's because girls want to know how the guy feels about them. Whether he's planning to dump them soon. Whether he feels she is embarrassing to him. Whether he loves her but is too shy to say so.

    It's very rare for a guy to say anything to do with "relationships" - maybe this is because of stereotyping? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/confused.gif"&gt; So girls feel that they have to be the ones to bring up the subject. Then the guy thinks "uh-oh, what have I done wrong now?" and goes on the defensive and won't say anything "deep."

    aaargh, this is too hard! someone else have a go! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;

    This is the first day of the rest of your life.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by jolizzie11:
    calvin - i understand wot u r saying bout people having there off days but these days its like everyday is an off day 2 him.

    take last nite 4 instance, i suggested that we cud watch soppy films all nite (u know hugging up 2 eachother n stuff) n we sat up talking to my mum and dad drinking n stuff till 1.30 then they went 2 bed, and as soon as we were in the living room alone he conked out on me and fell asleep now how rejected did i feel????? answer very!

    we were watching titanic which used 2 be his and his xs film, but we both said we were gonna make it our film (i love it)

    i dunno wots wrong with him ne more but it is gettin me down heaps!

    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    hey jolizzie. i feel for you. this is sounds like a bad situation that's not getting better.

    you've got two things you can do i think. continue to talk to him, tell him that you've seen this change in your relationship, and that you think he's checked out a little bit. talk to him about doing things he might like that would get him excited again. tell him you need a level of intimacy he's not giving you at the moment. ask him to help you find the passion again.

    if he doesn't want to do that, then as much as you love him and have stated you don't want to break with him, you might want to get sometime away from him to see if he needs you as much as you need him. if he continues to be indifferent when ur away from each other... they u have ur answer.

    but do your best to get him to help you fight for your relationship. cause it sounds like you don't want to let him go, and that you want this relationship still. ur going to have to get him inspired again to keep it working.

    good luck jolizzie.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    calvin i feel i can talk 2 u!!! ok we went bk 2 his this afternoon and i told him that i no he finds it hard 2 talk but he needs 2 and that ill try my best to help him. he told me that he is so scared of losing me and that he loves me 2 death, but he just finds it hard 2 put his feelings into words.

    i do love him and we will c how it goes!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Personally I've never had a problem with showing my emotions because I've never really been 'one of the lads', saying that tho I know several of my friends who constantly have a problem with it...

    I think something which I've always found about it tho, is that a lot of lads build themselfs up an image and they are afraid of what people think about them being very self-aware, its a popularity thing isn't it with the 'Im afraid of what everyone will think of me' - just to point out here that these type of lads aren't always arseholes, its just a general thing...

    Emotion is sometimes considered a female thing, I know it sounds bad... remember this male stigma is a human who is the 'fighter / provider / brave one / protector' this goes back thousands of years... to show emotion isn't a manly thing to do..

    Yes I know times have changed but people are still coming to terms with things... one term that springs back into my mind on this subject is something a friend of mine said yesterday:

    "You're all such different people when your on your own, soon as theres two or more you start being in compertition and getting rowdy"

    I had a long think about this and it works with everyone doesn't it... girls and boys

    Lads will gradually learn to show emotion, its slowly coming to light now that its no-longer always manly to bottle everything up... we're all equals.. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wot u said is right, butjamie int 1 of the lads as such but i have noticed a change in him when his mates are around...only natural i suppose.

    but something kinda clicked last nite i cant forse him into opening up but if i just show him that im here 4 him etcin time he may open up??? right??

    hope so!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my bf is different around certain of his mates, the ones that are considered "well 'ard" - I think he feels he has to impress them by acting Mr Bad Guy <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/rolleyes.gif"&gt;

    when he's with his best mate though he's fine, just normal. like he is with me. i guess that's good <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/confused.gif"&gt; but sometimes i wish he acted like that with his other, not-so-nice mates! it gives me that "used" feeling . . . <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    ah well. off I go to English exam <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;

    This is the first day of the rest of your life.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    everytime me n my bf go ne where, no matter where it is, some1 always says hello! a few of them seems ok but the rest, pah! like yesterday we were out 4 a walk and we saw 2 girls who looked well...like slappers! and 1 of them said hello 2 jamie. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/mad.gif"&gt;

    but i spose he is with me aint he! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by jolizzie11:
    calvin i feel i can talk 2 u!!! ok we went bk 2 his this afternoon and i told him that i no he finds it hard 2 talk but he needs 2 and that ill try my best to help him. he told me that he is so scared of losing me and that he loves me 2 death, but he just finds it hard 2 put his feelings into words.

    i do love him and we will c how it goes!

    hey jolizzie, u can always talk to me. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    this is good to hear. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; just make sure that you keep encouraging him. he'll soon find out that talking to you is always the best course of action.

    sounds like you two are headed in the right direction, just keep talking. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    good luck.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't really find it hard, i no my g/f will listen 2 anythin i wanna tell her, be it a load of bollocks or sumthin really important. She's a really good listener and i think i could tell her n e thin, so i do.

    Who's name does God use in vain?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i am a really good listener <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;

    my bf tells me if he has a prob etc but its just he dont seem 2 open his heart fully.just sometimes feels hes holdin stuff bk? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

    hmmmmmm one day.................
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by jolizzie11:
    he told me that he is so scared of losing me and that he loves me 2 death, but he just finds it hard 2 put his feelings into words.

    Well you just have to trust him on that, you can't change him and if you love him you'll just have to put up with the way he is! But the more you encourage him the more he'll find it easier to talk to you, so keep trying with him and maybe one day you'll get there. Good luck! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    spose ur right but it gets soooooo annoying when i have 2 ask him 2 let me in on his feelings all the time! but one day hopefully we will get there!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my boyfriend is pretty bad about opening up to me, just because as a kid he was never asked how he felt, as a teenager he was never asked how he felt, so now, when I'm asking him, he's faced with something new that he doesn't know how to deal with. I kept bugging him about stuff, and he always seemed reluctant to tell me, but eventually would... this made me feel pretty guilty, though, so one day I told him I felt bad for pressuring him and I wasn't going to anymore, and if he wanted to talk to me, he could. He told me that he was glad that I'd been pressuring him to talk, that he needed the extra encouragement, and that he was happy that we'd opened up to eachother.

    so don't give up on your boyfriend jolizzie <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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