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The Rules Of Manhood

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. After wrecking your boss' car.
c. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
d. When she is using her teeth

Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.

Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

Only in situations of Moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.

Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

If you complement a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a Mate of yours, except if she's withholding s*x pending your response.

Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an
almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken s*x, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation 2. End of story.

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nice one Burt :p:D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :lol::lol:
    where did you get these?

    I found this one quite funny

    Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have s*x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
    :lol:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :lol: I like those, you men are weird :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :lol:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dare you to try and do womans ones.....
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Zella
    i dare you to try and do womans ones.....

    Like James said it'd crash the whole site! Far too many rules :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Faith
    Like James said it'd crash the whole site! Far too many rules :p

    Which will and do change daily. Maybe if we speak to the mods they can devote a whole board to the subject. :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You forgot:

    You must offer heartfelt and public condolences on the death of a girlfriend`s dog, even if it was you who set it on fire and kicked it into a ceiling fan.

    My other half has these on the wall by his computer! :rolleyes:
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