Home General Chat
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Aged 16-25? Share your experience of using the discussion boards and receive a £25 voucher! Take part via text-chat, video or phone. Click here to find out more and to take part.
Options

your opinions please

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
should i email her?

i used to go to school with this girl, we were best friends for three years, well, so to speak. she was very controlling and i found myself very manipulated by her. i never stood up for myself or told her what i thought. She restricted me a lot, everything i did or said was watche,d and if it wasnt right, i got singled out and was totally alone. she was like that.

I left the school at the end of the year, and went to an out of catchment school to do my exams. that was a good 3 years ago at least now.

the main reason i went to an out of catchement school was to get away from her. i hated the way i felt to restricted and co9ntrolled, and kicked myself everyday for letting someone do that to me. but recently, or over the past few months, or year or so, i'ver really wanted to sit down and tell her how i feel. a heell of a lot has happened since then, a hell of a lot, and i want to explain to her all of these things. i dont wnat to be best friends with her, i dotn even want to be good mates with her, but i want her to understand and i want to clear the air. its like i want to close the dpoor on that part of my ,life, and have done for quite some time now, yet i am wearyb of getting involved again and dont know whether contacting her is the right thing to do or not., i dont know if she's grown up or not since then., and if she hasnt i dont want to know, but somehting tells me she may have done.

but is emailing or calling her the right thing to do. i just want a chat, as i say i want to close the door to that part of my life, a part that has a lot of open woubnds that she has a lot to do with, but is this the right thing, or am i just going to bring thwe past back to the present? what would you do?

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you dont want a face to face meeting then email her, i personally would email her, it would be alot easier to say how you feel, over the phone would be harder...you might get words mixed up or become nervous.

    Go on email her, you may not get a chance to do it again, do it while you can, you could die tommorow(god forbid)....everyday is a risk in life, live it while you can.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "Well I doubt you still have this email address after 3 years, but still - its worth a shot i guess.

    I know a hell of a lot has gone on in the past three years, in my life and in yours, and Im not trying to become best friends with you. I know that is never going to happen. But one thing I've realised recently is that you shouldn't allow yourself to live your life without knowing things. And if this email is trying to achieve anything - it's closure. I've been trying really hard recently to close the doors in my life, not in a bad sense, but for my own benfit. And I have a lot of doors to close. But there are a good few that still need a push, and these dont seem to be going anywhere right now.

    I know you're an intelligent girl. I know that no matter what has gone on between us in the past, you wouldn't break my confidence by taking anything I have said in this email and throwing it around to other people. As I would like to assure you I wouldn't either with anything you ever chose to talk to me about. Im not like that anymore - I've grown up, just like Im sure you have.

    To be honest with you, I dont know how you're going to take this email. The last I spoke to you was at the back of Leysland High School three years ago, when I was at a very unstable time in my life, for whatever reasons. I dont remember much of it, but I remember a feeling of relief that it was all over, everything - not just our friendship, but everything I'd ever known my whole life. When I went to Lutterworth, it wasn't just you who I left behind, it was everyone. My whole childhood stayed at that school, and whether that changed me for a better person or not I dont know, and I never will, but I felt something, I think it may have been relief, but then - Im not sure.

    Im not here to give you a sob story of all the bad things that have happened to me over the past few years. Yes, im slightly pissed and it may seem like that, but its not my intention. I've been considering this email for some time now. I want to talk to you. I want to tell you what's happened and to help you understand why i've been such a bitch, and why i've felt everyone else has been such a bitch. Because life has been a bitch, this past two years I've struggled to stay around, but Im here, and because of that I think I owe it to myself - if no one else, to close those doors and make a fresh start. Especially now. Recently I've lost the one thing that ever meant anything to me - the only thing that really truly mattered, and its only by some complete miracle that Im still here, and for that reason (and the fact that Im slightly tipsy), I believe I should start to make a mends. Even if it only starts to come together, at least I wont regret not trying. That's one thing I really fear right now - regret. i dont have the time, energy, or life to regret a thing.

    So basically what im trying to say is this; yes - i've said some things I shouldn't have, I've said some things I regret, and been someone i regret, but Im not that person anymore. I never did like that person, and Im not particularly best friends with this person, but i'd sure like to learn more about her. I miss knowing who I am, I miss being stable and certain and sure of things, I miss being healthy and happy, and right now all i want to do is apologise for anything I've ever said or done to hurt or upset anyone, and I want to make a mends, I want to continue my life from this point on, as someone i can be proud of. So, whether you reply to this or not is your choice, but I sure would like to sit down and just talk. If not to become friends, but at least to close that section of my life, so Im not left wondering, and hovering, and thinking about what I did. I dont blame you for anything Natasha. All I do is worry about myself. I think about when we all used to go to school, and I think about when we were all friends, and Im not trying for one second to get that back. Im not being pesimistic on the situation, but we all have our own lives now. What happens happens, but all that is left is for us both, as adults, to be happy. And for me, happiness is closing all those unknown factors in my life - and in order to do that, I need to talk to you.

    I hope your life has treated you well, or at least better than mine has treated me. I hear you've had exams recently, so I hope they went well too, I know how you used to get nervous.

    I dont know whether you'll reply to this or not, I hope you do, even if it just says 'Fuck off'!! At least I'll know where that part of my life is. But I would like to talk to you, even if it's just for you to tell me how much you hated me, or how we were just not meant to be friends. I dont know your feelings or views on the situation, but I dont want to end my life knowing there's open doors lurking behind me. Dont get me wrong, I know it sounds very regretful all of this, but I dont regret our friendship, and I dont feel bitter towards you, despite things I may have said and done. But people make mistakes, and right now, a mistake I've made is leaving open coffins for too long. They need closing, whether they're closed the right way or the wrong, they do need closing.

    Take care, I hope you and your family are well.

    Hopefully I'll hear from you soon, and I hope you dont mind me emailing you."

    that's what i wrote to her... wander if she'll get it or not.
Sign In or Register to comment.