Afraid of being alone or low self-esteem.

Former Member

The only doubt I have of dumping my gf of 2 years is that I don't think I can do any better. I've lost all confidence.
Before I met her, I was able to talk to anyone and get to know them, even as mates.

I'm constantly called a male slag by her because of my previous partners and single life.

I lost my right to see my mates after about 10 months into the relationship.
I've never cheated on her. An ex cheated on me so I know what it's like.
She doesn't trust me because she thinks I'll act 'single.'
She doesn't even trust me when I'm at work (a supermarket.) I have to ignore all girls that say hello to me when I'm with my gf going shopping, otherwise she does her nut.

I'm all for telling my feelings, but then I'll be all alone. I can't meet anymore girls.

Former Member

Your girlfriend had chipped away at your confidence, and now you are too scared to dump her. If things were the other way around, this would be domestic abuse. She is probably very insecure herself if she is so worried that you will cheat on her.

If you don't want to be with her, then end the relationship. Of course you'll find someone else, though it will take a while to find your confidence again (but you will!!). Also, two years is a long time so it might take a wee while for you to adjust to being single.

You may feel resentment towards her now, but if you do decide to end the relationship don't be too hard on her. Talk about whats wrong in the relationship not whats wrong with her, if you can.

Whatever you do good luck:)

Former Member

It seems like you were happy and confident before you were with your girlfriend, and it is only being with her that has drained you of that. Therefore, it seems likely that if you weren't with her, you would slowly regain your confidence because you wouldn't have her constant criticism/insecurities weighing on you and dragging you down.

Former Member

When a relationship is right the two people bring out the best in each other, pull each other up when they are feeling low.

Think about it.......

annii

Former Member

I was in a relationship for about 2 years, about 2 years back it ended. It took me a long while to adjust but a few months later I realised just how much better off I was for it - I was free again! It's just simple things, like being able to go out without having to give a second thought to somebody else first.

I'm not saying that relationships are bad, in fact I'm kind of on the hunt myself atm (2 years is to long to go without a meaningful relationship ), but what I can assure you is that if you feel this relationship isn't working then end it. Sure it may take a while afterwards to get your confidence back and adjust but it will be worth it in the end, relationships can do more harm than good if you're having a bad time in it.

Final point.......

She doesn't even trust me when I'm at work (a supermarket.) I have to ignore all girls that say hello to me when I'm with my gf going shopping, otherwise she does her nut.

Girls saying 'hi' to you whilst out and about? Sounds like you wouldn't be single long

Former Member

Shaques - where do I start?

I was married to my ex husband for 10 years, and we were together for 12. He was extremely jealous. He used to accuse me of getting up to all kinds of things, when in reality I hardly ever left the house. Ironically enough he was the one who cheated, more than once.

He called me all kinds of names (I was a slag, a whore, fat, lazy, useless etc. ) and really brought me low. So low that I seriously considered killing myself and then seriously considered killing him instead for a while.

He actually told me that noone else would ever want me, especially with three kids, that I`d spend the rest of my life alone and end up a lonely, bitter old woman.

Eventually I realised that I`d rather be alone than have him wear me down any more. I resigned myself to it, and eventually got rid of him. It took me 10 months to get him out of the house. And I got on with my life.

You know what? I wasn`t going to be alone forever. I had no self esteem left at all and really believed noone would want me. But they did. The most wonderful person wanted me, kids and all.

You can`t just ignore being unhappy because you`re afraid of being alone, like I did for years. It doesn`t do you any favours in the long run. You won`t be alone forever. Even if you`re alone for a while, it isn`t the end of the world, there are good things about being single. Believe me, if I can manage it after all those years then you can do it. When you do you`ll probably wonder why you waited so long.

Former Member

So still not got round to dumping her ? What happened to these mates you were going to get a flat with?

Like I've said before - you should start being assertive, seems like you are telling a slightly different story to the one you were telling before where you were gleefully gloating about how you were planning to tell your girlfriend to fuck off out of the flat and back to her home town because she was cramping your style...NOW you say she's ruining your life and battering your self esteem...if so - that is really bad but wheres all the confidence gone from a few weeks ago when you were going out and chatting to girls and didn't seem to give a shit about your girlfriend?

Former Member

Originally posted by byny
So still not got round to dumping her ? What happened to these mates you were going to get a flat with?

Like I've said before - you should start being assertive, seems like you are telling a slightly different story to the one you were telling before where you were gleefully gloating about how you were planning to tell your girlfriend to fuck off out of the flat and back to her home town because she was cramping your style...NOW you say she's ruining your life and battering your self esteem...if so - that is really bad but wheres all the confidence gone from a few weeks ago when you were going out and chatting to girls and didn't seem to give a shit about your girlfriend?

Two reasons I haven't dumped her yet...
(A) She owes me money so I want that back.
(B) I'm in the process of sorting out new flatmates.

When I posted before about all the confidence, I assumed that's how it would be, like it was before I met her. When it came to the crunch, going out with my mates, I didn't realise how low my confidence had dived. I realised why it had happened.

Former Member

Fuck me, you've got it bad kid! I came out of a 10 month relationship about two months ago now. it ended badly but i feel so much better for it. Ive got my life back! i can play football whenever i like(thats a big fucking thing!) i can go out whenever i like, without consulting someone else! Plus i see my mates much more. I thought i'd feel the same as you're thinking now. What if i dont pull anyone, what if im lonely? U get that sometimes, but u get on with it. Ive pulled a few birds since i split up with the bitch from hell (that's my petname for her now....cute eh?) and im enjoying every moment of it! It took me a few weeks to get sum confidence back, but i dont really have a problem pulling now. The only problem i have now is that ive turned into a bit of a bastard now. Im not gonna stay like it, but im shopping at the moment, trying on things, and if i like them i'll buy them,if i dont they go back on the rails.

Bite the bullet....two months down the line you'll think "hey im so fucking glad i got rid of that bitch, mylife rocks at the moment!"


I'l shut the fuck up now. Sorry for the swearing im just in one of those moods!


PM me mate and let me know where in Kairdiff yer from!:)