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Friendship

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi!
I am in the middle of a project and have to get some ideas about what friendship really means to people.

Is it important to have a special friend who, no matter how honest you are with eachother, or whatever arguments you have, is always the one friend you turn ro...

Or is it better to have loads of friends who all add a different something to your life, each thing different to the other.

Do you have people on this board for example who you would turn to immediately with a problem but that perhaps you have never met?

Do you have any great examples of when a friend has 'been there' for you, perhaps even helping to save your life, or turn your life around.

Perhaps you have discovered a new found friendship with a family member you always detested in the past?

Anything you want to tell me?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Friendship for me is lots of stuff all rolled into one. With a good friend you laugh together, cry together, talk together, you basically are there for one another to help and guide and sometimes just be there for them.
    I have on occasions had people on these boards help me out, just listen to me rant or moan. They have told me when I may be doing something they see as the *wrong way*, they have been honest and to me thats what friendship is about.
    No bullshit but honesty. I suppose its like a marriage when you think about it, a marriage wont work if theres no trust or honesty, friendship for me works the same way. Id have no hesitation im PMing certain people here for advice, I have done in the past and i would do again, Ive PM'd someone here before to say *would you look at a post and tell me what you think* they have and gave me advice (although I wont name them) :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OK - another question...Do you have friends that sometimes make you think 'Jesus, why are we friends at all', because sometimes they really annoy you...but then all of a sudden you have a fantastic night where you think 'I just love you so much'

    Or perhaps there are friends you never see but you know that when you see them again everything will fall back into place?

    Come on people - help me out, This is for a programme idea so I need real examples of what particular friendships can mean to you.

    Have you ever met a person and thought 'I like you, you're good - I want you as a friend'?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by byny

    Come on people - help me out, This is for a programme idea so I need real examples of what particular friendships can mean to you.

    What about when friendships go wrong? If you have a very good friend who decides to do the dirty on you. Like you never for one minuite thought they would do anything to harm you then they stab you in the back.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had one good friend for about 10 years when I was younger, and in that time we only had one argument. We drifted apart when we went to different secondary schools, and since then I've only ever been able to stand a good friend for a year - 18 months before their little habits and ways start to piss me off no end - I don't know if it's because I'm older and more awkward, or if it's that I had this friend for so long without getting annoyed that I can't handle friends who are generally more annoying.

    Erm... I had a friend who I really, really trusted and relied on, who got in with a different crowd and bullied me for a while (not physically), so I guess that kinda fits in with what Becky said about friends turning on you.

    I have a couple of close friends, one of whom I met on the internet, who I tell everything to. Then I have a few not-so-close-but-still-good friends, and then I have a lot of friends who I'm not that close with. I much prefer friends in the middlish area because I feel close to them as friends, but don't get annoyed with them like I do close friends.
    Or is it better to have loads of friends who all add a different something to your life, each thing different to the other.

    I think I'd agree with that more than the rest.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    See...If you are like me and your parents kept moving then you haven't got old friends from childhood. Everyone I know now I have known from the age of 13...I don't know anyone from before that time.

    I have about 3 really good friends but I hardly see them despite living in the same city, I have other people who I really respect and sometimes they surprise me with the connection we have but I have never had that soulmate who's been with me from the year dot.

    I have 2 friends from University who I e-mail but haven't seen for years and would probably be shy around if I met them in person.

    I have one friend from school who I see about twice a year, got invited to their wedding etc, but the rest I just e-mail...one has completely stopped mailing me (WHY?)

    I'm not the kind of person who can walk into a room and be totally fascinated by new conversations with new people. If they make an effort to meet up with me again I think 'WOAH...hold on there matey, do you think we're friends now?'

    However, when I do connect, I connect quite deeply and I make an effort.

    I never phone any of my friends unless I have arranged to do so. I don't do the 'hi, just called to say hello' thing!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ive lost touch with most of my mates :(

    My good mate moved away because of hubbys work commitments and other mate shit on me megga style. so now I have just friends who I see one night a week at the pub and the other friends who I just speak to when I see them in town.

    I miss having friends who I can just land un announced at their house and they also just land at mine. I miss the chats we used to have and i miss having someone just to talk too :(

    But I have friends here who I have a giggle with, chat and just be almost human with :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How about interviewing a blind person and asking them what the friendship of their guide dog means to them .. or find someone with a miniture guide pony!! .. although the only one I've heard of was in the USA.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by byny

    I never phone any of my friends unless I have arranged to do so. I don't do the 'hi, just called to say hello' thing!

    why not? can you not just phone them and say Hiya I fancy a chin wag and get on with it. Mind I hate the telephone so basically I say what I have to say then get off. So you might be like me :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I only do the 'just to say hi' thing to one person, and that's my friend from the net. Another friend from the net used to do it all the time to me but he got a boyfriend so we hardly speak anymore..bastard.. lol. I don't even ring the person I did ring just to say hi that much any more... my dad shouted at me about the phone bill..:rolleyes:

    I don't have enough mates really, but I'm hopefully gonna meet millions (well maybe not quite millions) of new people at college next year, so hopefully I'll be a lil happier from September onwards :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think theres friends and then there's friends. The first are people you'd happily have a conversation with and go out with - fair weather friends really. But then there's the second type and you can tell when it's different, you just get a different feeling about them.

    I have had 5 of these real friends and all of them are different and mean different things to me but it doesn't mean I like them any more than the others. They're all the people I would go to first with my problems.

    I met my first real friend when the guy I was sitting next to moved someone else into my place while I was at the dentists so then I got back and sat next to this guy. We really hit it off and I just felt instantly at ease with him and we'd do everything at school together, pair off for projects, hang around at break, ditch some "friends" who actually treated me like shit. But then he didn't get the grades to stay at my school after GCSEs so he left and went somewhere else and although I tried to keep in contact with him he's too disorganised to get back in touch although I'd hear from him every now and then and I know the friendship would still be the same.

    My second real friend I met when he joined the school in the 4th form and as he didn't know anyone me and my first friend made friends with him. He put up with so much from me - I was totally obsessed with this girl for like two years and he put up with me going on and on and ON about her when it was driving him nuts. (If you think the Shyboy/Laura thing was bad you ain't seen nothing!) Anyway, the three of us became known as the three muskeeters lol! We all got on and shared some interests although we were never like perfectly the same but we all understood each other and felt totally at ease with each other which I think is the key thing, it's a feeling not anything that can be defined. Anyway, he went back to America after GCSEs but I keep in touch with him on messanger, we send letters to each other and phone and meet up when he comes back and that's two years ago now so I'm quite proud of keeping it going!

    The third real friend is the girl I was talking about before. No-one would ever, ever put us together and we have virtually nothing in common. However, we both talk about our personal and private stuff with each other and help each other out. We've known each other for three years and know how the other thinks - I know she can be shallow, a lippy and moody bitch when she wants to be, and lets herself be treated badly by bfs but at the same time I know she's got a heart of gold and is one of the kindest most giving people I have ever met; just as she knows that although I can be a bit snobby, stand-offish and annoying I care a lot about her and want her to be happy.

    My fourth real friend is the American guy's other best mate who I didn't know. Initially I didn't like him because I saw him as a rival for my friend's attention but when my friend went back to America we both got talking, realised we'd both had girl trouble and bonded over that and just told each other all our problems and we just get on even though we're not the same. But we understand what makes the other tick.

    My fifth best friend is a guy from school I started taking the bus with and we just got chatting and he's really kind and loyal to his friends and is good for bitching about people with. Although he can be a bit childish and annoying I know when the chips are down he'll be on my side just as I would be on his and that's what counts.

    So I don't know what you can get from that, I think basically it's a feeling - you can't choose your true friends, you just know them when you find them.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My thoughts on friendship are, no matter what happens between you and your really close friends, is that you can always come back to the friend/s that you have, no matter the arguements, disagreements, or whatever you have, and can always depend on them to be able to be there for each other, no matter the obstacles that you have to battle together or the twists and turns that you have to take.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've never really thought about it the way you put it, but I think it is better for me to have a group of friends who all contribute something different to my life. I know that if I have a certain type of problem I can turn to a certain type of person. I am also more likely to turn to someone who has had a similar problem in the past because they've first hand experience of it.

    However, having said that, I do have a few friends who are the ones I would deem myself closest too, and can think of no better way to describe them than "best friends" simply because if I really needed them, they would be there for me no matter what. They let me come to them to cry or moan and make me nice cups of tea, and I would do the same for them.

    The only problem is that I am really open with my feelings and I don't mind sharing what I think with people or share my experiences, but some of my friends are quite closed, and whilst we can debate politics or whatever, they find it difficult to open up and when I get them to it canbe quite an experience!

    There are a few people on these boards I would open up to, mainly the people on my LJ list.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think the nature of friendship between males and females are very different. guys (i think) tend to be less demanding, ie don't have to stay in contact or keep in touch. i live away from home where the vast majority of my friends live and often dont see them for weeks, even months on end yet whenever i am home its i know where i will see them out and its like old times again. i notice with two female friends i have that they get all paranoid if a friend doesnt ring or text or whatever. they seem to require constant communication to keep the friendship going.
    in my experience i find that i have never had the same best friend though. when i was in school i would have been really close to one person but since i have gone to college i wouldnt tell them private stuff cause i have i have become closer to other people, so your inner circle of friends can evolve.

    oh, we did a retreat at school once and the priest asked us if your mother, your father, your sister, baby brother and best friend were drowning and you had a life buoy, which would you throw it to????

    the priest said no one ever ever said their best friend which goes to show blood is thicker than water! (not a scientific fact though)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have to agree with kevlar85. I have two different sorts of friends.
    Friends who i sit in the pub with, go on the razz with, play netball with etc. - these are my fairweather friends

    Then i have a very small inner circle of friends who i deem my closest friends. Each one is trustworthy and honest and will tell me the truth and not lie or fob me off. Two of them are female, two of them are male and i'd trust each one with my life.

    I had a best mate from 13 until 20 then she moved and went decidedly fruitcake :) Now when i see her we fit back into the old routine but i look back and think, hmm you weren't really a very good friend to me. We will still confess everything to each other but i wouldn't depend on her or rely on her as she's a letdown.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have a best friend who i have known most of my life. Every now and again we will have an arguement and dont talk to eachother for a bit, but we always talk again in the end. We chat to eachother nearly everyday and see eachother normally at least once a week. She is leaving soon for uni so i think our friendship will change, but thats probably for the best.
    Also i have a group of great mates who i can also trust and am close to. Some more than others though as we just have more in common.
    Then i have another group of friends who are not exactly close on the whole. Well one of them is. I dont see them very often. Mostly in the Summer holidays when we go out together drinking and have a laugh. We always get on though when we see eachother!
    Then i have other random friends. I dont see them very often, but they are mainly pretty close to me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Friends don't mean all that much to me. I prefer to be on my own. I've had 2 close 'best-friend' freindships over the years but they've both ended due to moving apart and jealous back stabbing. The first one meant a lot to me and I missed her, but the latter I'm better off without.

    Don't get me wrong, I have loads of friends, everyone knows me, I just haven't got any close ones, no ones that I trust so much to tell all my secrets or turn to when I have a problem. I usually just cry to my mum if I'm really upset, to be honest.

    None of my friends now are there for me when I need it. I try to be there for them, but why should I be there for them when they are not for me? There's only so much I can give when I'm getting nothing but shit in return.

    I don't want another best friend. I don't want a close friend. From past experiences, I realised they just stab you in that back and are 2 faced bitches anyway. When I grow up and get away from the high school thing, I'll get a special friend. Hopefully people mature with age.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Trust. That is my thing for friendships. I have lots of different friends some of whom i've known 10 years+ an some not so long but they are all fantastic mates in their own aspects.
    xxx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dunno, i used to have two best friends, i knew one of them since she was born and the other since we were 2, now i rarely see either off them as we've become too different.

    now, there aren't many people i consider as my close friends, as i tend to try and work out any problems on my own, however i do have people who are brothers/sisters but not related that i go to when i need to hear the truth/how much of an idiot i've been, and they tell me cos thats what friends are, people who won't just tell you something cos thats what you want to hear, they're people who'll tell you what you need to hear
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