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For The Marines...from my X ~ !

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
My kids mom sent this and I thought you folks might enjoy so I'm shareing:

For all our Marine friends

A Taliban Army Platoon was on patrol when the
commander noticed a lone Marine standing on
a hilltop in their area. The commander told two of
his soldiers to go take out the Marine, so they
dropped their packs and promptly ran as fast as
they could toward him. Just before they got to the top,
the Marine ran over the other side of the hill. The two
soldiers followed. For the next few minutes there were
bloody screams and dust flying in the air. Then as
quick as it had started...it stopped and the Marine
came back up on the hilltop. He brushed off his
cammies..straightened his cap...crossed
his arms...and stood there looking at the Taliban soldiers.

The infuriated commander called for a squad to go get
the Marine. They promptly ran as fast as they could
toward, him....just before they got to the top...the
Marine ran over the other side of the hill.The squad
followed...and for the next few minutes there were
bloody screams and dust flying in the air.

Then as quick as it had started...it stopped and the
Marine came back up on the hilltop....brushed off his
cammies...straightened his cap...crossed his arms
and again stood there looking at the Taliban soldiers.

The commander was 'really' hot now. He ordered the
rest of his company to attack the Marine. Determined
that Taliban soldiers were far superior to one 'lone'
Marine...they had blood in their eyes as they ran up
the hill. Just before they got to the top...the Marine
again ran over the other side of the hill. The blood
thirsty soldiers followed. For many minutes there
were horrific screams and dust flying in the air.
It continued and continued for quite a while.
Finally...one 'lone' Taliban soldier came crawling
back to the commander...all bloody and beat about
the head and shoulders. His uniform was torn...
cuts were all over his body. The commander
demanded a report. The lone soldier...trying to
catch his breath... replied in a forced and
trembling voice: "Sir,...run,...it's a trick.
There are TWO of them!!"


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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    <IMG alt="image" SRC="cool.gif" border="0"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="wink.gif" border="0"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="cool.gif" border="0">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If it had been a Brit Marine the punch line would have been "Sir,...run,...it's a trick.
    he has a penknife !!"

    WP
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nothing's changed much for the Marine Corps oath!
    Semper Fi-

    Ironman0311


    OATH OF ENLISTMENT

    All persons, upon entering the Military Service and upon reenlistment
    are required to take the Oath of Enlistment. At one time the Oath of Enlistment covered services. Due to changes in both society and the differing Military Branches, the Oath has undergone marked change and has been specifically tailored to each branch of the Military and their specific function.

    Here are the latest versions of the Oath of
    Enlistment as recently released by the Joint Chief's of Staff:

    US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT

    I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines scare the Bejeeze's out of me, and I am afraid of water over waist deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of
    real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I
    will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all
    times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training" I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy
    sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before
    stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!

    ____________________
    Signature

    ____________________
    Date


    US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

    I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not anywhere tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day
    and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing
    machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a Court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service,
    and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test.
    After completion of my Sexual.....er....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp I will
    walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times I will continue to take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon
    separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from
    high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!

    Signature
    _____________________

    Date ______________________


    US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

    I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air
    Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, (yukee Poo!) and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world, using
    words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, gee dunk, scuttlebutt, scupper and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy
    acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will "muster", whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up
    around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently
    busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!
    ______________________
    Signature

    ______________________
    Date


    US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT

    I, (make up a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh....high-and tight.... grunt... cammies ... Attack....kill....fix bayonets... Kill ...charge...slash....dig....burn....Kill ...blowup ... Attack ... ugh...Air
    Force....beer..... Attack ... sailors wives....air strikes....Kill ...yes SIR!!!....whiskey ... Attack....liberty call.... salute ... Kill ... UhRah! ... Gunny....grenades.... Attack ... women....OORAH! ... Kill... Attack ...Kill ... Attack ... Kill ... Attack!!!

    So Help Me Chesty PULLER!


    X____________________ Thumb Print

    XX _________________________________ Teeth Marks

    _____________________
    Date


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First joke... ref Khe Sanh.

    Second joke... when you wanna MOUTH someone to sleep, call ANYONE else. When you have a down in the feces dirty damned job that EVERYBODY else would pass on, call in the Marines. Has not to do with level of INTELLECT, but level of COMMITMENT.

    HOWEVER... from my fun green Brother, I KNOW that was given in respect... <IMG alt="image" SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0">

    OO-RAH!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Subject: FW: Terrorists in the Deep South


    NEWS UPDATE???????

    Terrorists Multiplying in the Deep South

    The governors of Alabama, Georgia & Mississippi would
    like to announce that they have made a disturbing
    discovery in their states.
    Apparently, a small number of terrorists have become
    romantically involved with the locals.
    The result was not pretty, and we now have the sad
    task of reporting a new sector of the human reported,
    and we are hard at work trying to isolate and seal
    them off.
    To date, we have identified the following:
    Mohammed Billy Bob Abba Bubba
    Mohammed Jethro Bin Thinkin Bout It
    Mohammed Forrest Gumpa Bubba
    Mohammed Rubba Dub Dubba Bubba
    Bobbie Joe Bubba Charlene Atat
    Betty Jean Hasbeena Badgurl
    Cleavie Daba Hava Tampa
    Linda Sue Bin There Dunthat
    Not surprisingly, they all seem to have sprung from
    one couple: Mohammed Whoozyadaddy and Yomamma
    Bin Lovin.
    We'll keep you posted.

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Diesel, out of your 517 posts, how many of these are joke stories!

    But I like em <IMG alt="image" SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="cool.gif" border="0">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Diesel,

    I don't often post in 'Politics' but read it quite a bit with a watchful eye..

    It's good to see you have a sense of humour much like our own, even if I don't agree with everything you say <IMG alt="image" SRC="smile.gif" border="0">

    This certainly brings a rainbow of light between all the heated debates.. Keep posting...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In an effort to ensure proper training and readiness among the military
    services, Congress has approved the following changes to
    basic principles of recruit training:

    HAIRCUTS Marines: Heads will be shaved. Army: Stylish flat-top's for all
    recruits. Navy: No haircut standard. Air Force:
    Complete makeovers as seen on the Jenny Jones show.

    TRAINING HOURS Marines: Reveille at 0500, train until 2000. Army:
    Reveille at 0600, train until 1900. Navy: Get out of bed
    at 0900, train until 1100, lunch until 1300, train until 1600. Air
    Force: Awaken at 1000, breakfast in bed, train from 1100 to
    1200, lunch at 1200, train from 1300 to 1400, nap at 1400, awaken from
    nap at 1500, training ceases at 1500.

    MEALS Marines: Meals, Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day. Army: One hot meal, 2
    MRE's. Navy: 3 hot meals. Air Force: Catered meals
    prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia Child, Wolfgang Puck and Emeril
    Lagasse. All you can eat.

    LEAVE and LIBERTY..... Marines: None. Army: 4 hours a week. Navy: 2 days
    a week. Air Force: For every four hours of training,
    recruits will receive eight hours of leave and liberty.

    PROTOCOL..... Marines: Will address all officers as "Sir," and refer to
    the rank of all enlisted members when speaking to them
    (i.e., Sgt. Smith). Army: Will address all officers as "Sir," unless
    they are friends, and will call all enlisted personnel "Sarge."
    Navy: Will address all officers as "Skipper," and all enlisted personnel
    as "Chief." Air Force: All Air Force personnel shall be on a
    first name basis with each other.

    DECORATIONS and AWARDS..... Marines: Medals and badges are awarded for
    acts of gallantry and bravery only. Army: Medals
    and badges are awarded for every bullet fired, hand grenade thrown,
    fitness test passed and bed made. Navy: Will have ships'
    engineers make medals for them as desired. Air Force: Will be issued all
    medals and badges, as they will most likely be awarded
    them at some point early in their careers anyway.

    CAMOUFLAGE UNIFORMS..... Marines: Work uniform, to be worn only during
    training and in field situations. Army: Will wear it
    anytime, anywhere. Navy: Will not wear camouflage uniforms, they do not
    camouflage you on a ship. (Ship Captains will make every
    effort to attempt to explain this to sailors.) Air Force: Will defeat
    the purpose of camouflage uniforms by putting blue and silver
    chevrons and colorful squadron patches all over them.

    CAREER FIELDS..... Marines: All Marines shall be considered riflemen
    first and foremost. Army: It doesn't matter, all career
    fields promote to E-8 in first enlistment anyway. Navy: Nobody knows.
    The Navy is still trying figure out what sailors in the ABH,
    SMC, BNC and BSN rates do anyway. Air Force: Every recruit will be
    trained in a manner that will allow them to leave the service
    early to go on to higher paying civilian jobs.

    "If you enjoy your freedom thank a Vet, but hug a Marine."

    "SOME PEOPLE WONDER ALL THEIR LIVES IF THEY'VE MADE A DIFFERENCE. THE
    MARINES DON'T HAVE THAT
    PROBLEM" President Ronald Reagan <IMG alt="image" SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0">
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