Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options

Why does he still need porn?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Our sex life is fantastic (or so I thought), but he is still using a porn video - he told me that he watched porn before we met but that he doesnt anymore. All this just came up in a general chat. I've always had a really laid back (so to speak!)attitude towards porn and he knows this. We have been having so much sex lately (thats why I haven't been on thesite for a while!!!)that I really don't know why is still has to wank off to this! Well, I presume thats what he does!! Why does he still do it? <IMG alt="image" SRC="confused.gif" border="0">

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Simply put, because he's a bloke. We get off on it (not all of us I know, but a large %).

    It has nothing to do with his feelings for you, he has no concept of the people involved in making these films, he's just there for the short term sexual gratification.

    Women are generally aroused by mental stimulation - romance but men a generally more aroused by visual stimulation, hence porn.

    You needn't worry about it - especially if you are very active. The only time you need to worry is if it takes over his life, but by the sounds of it he's been using porn for a while and you certainly seem to be getting the benefit.... <IMG alt="image" SRC="wink.gif" border="0">
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Let him do it.

    The more he sees it in a movie... the more he'll want to do it in real life!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Superrobster is right, just make sure he doesn't watch any SM stuff (unless you're into it).

    Chatbox
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you never know wat he'll try and do to ya after watchin a few porno's just lay bk and enjoy the " ride " <IMG alt="image" SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0">
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can really understand your problem. i used to get so offended at my boyf looking at porn, til i realised when he looks at it, all he sees is tits, ass & pussy, not a real person with a personality who he is in love with, which is (hopefully) what he sees in you.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cheers everyone! I wondered if he was really going off me, but just "going through the motions", but he has probably been using porn all the way through our relationship (but was a bit more careful!). When I found the video, I have to admit I was quite into some of it, but some of it I know he would never tell me (thank god!). Maybe thats what I am pissed off about. He is this really sweet, funny bloke who has a lot of respect for women, who then wanks off to 4 men coming over one womens face? I don't get it!! Should I mention it to him?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you like the look of some of the stuff in there, then sure, by all means mention it. But I wouldn't worry to much about what you see in the videos as there is often a LOT of difference between what us blokes will watch and what we will do. I sure as hell don't treat women like s**t but have to admit to having seen some footage like described....
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Little Angel,

    Porn is v.v. bad news for your relationship. It's a passport to loneliness - you'll find yourself sleeping next to a stranger, who's just using you for sex.

    If your relationship isn't miserable yet then it soon will be, coz porn turns sexual intimacy into sewage.

    PK
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What the fuck? "porn turns sexual intimacy into sewage." where did you find THAT quote? It makes about as much sense as "wanking makes you go blind". i can't even work out where to begin disagreeing here... suffice to say, thats bollocks and if you really believe that then you would do well experimenting a bit and not being such.. a... FREAK!!! AAAGHH!!! HOW COULD YOU WRITE THAT!!!!!!!


    <IMG alt="image" SRC="mad.gif" border="0"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="mad.gif" border="0"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="mad.gif" border="0"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="mad.gif" border="0"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="mad.gif" border="0">
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't believe I'm agreeing with a brit, but porn will not do any harm to your relationship, unless he just isn't into you. Porn is a catalyst, it will spark big things (good or bad depending on your relationship)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just sex u know SEX

    dun be silly
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BBH:
    I can't believe I'm agreeing with a brit,

    Comments like that and you'll be thrown out <IMG alt="image" SRC="tongue.gif" border="0">
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BECAUSE ITS ONLY NATURAL!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Natural? No.
    Accepted? Yes.

    There's a big difference, Origins.

    If you think about it, Porn is not simply Visual Sexual stimulation. That Kinky, Freaky, Monkey sex we all fantasize about is all there.
    But it's the Idea of the (immensely vague, and unbelievable) storylines, that a girl goes to pick up a guy, and then fucks him stupid, no strings attached, is the male idealist view. Hey, we all have someone who's there for us, that we love (except me, boo hoo!!) and that loves us back. It's the depraved side of life that never happens to us that we want to think about. That's what Porn does.

    Cheers!!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its only natural to seek stimulation. plus i think porn is the most ridiculous thing in the world, personally i don't bother because its just silly.

    good for the occasional laugh with your mates tho
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it's quality, i don't see why you'd be bothered by it!

    what's better than watching, then doing?

    let him watch his porn, watch it with him, make him act it out

    for real <IMG alt="image" SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0">
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi everyone! We had a virus on the computer so I haven't seen all your messages to be able to reply, but thanks. I wondered if it was just that he hadn't admitted to using them that bothered me. But if he had told me on our first date that he still enjoyed that kinda stuff, I don't know how I would have reacted! Well, all this had been playing on my mind, so I decided to ask him tactfully about it. Tactful I wasn't though! When he was feeling a bit funky I demanded to know why he needed it, what did he enjoy about it, was I crap in bed (which was probably wat I wanted answering all along!) etc, and completely embarrassed him. He didnt really explain a great deal, but assured me that he still loved and fancied me. He seems to. But when he asked me if I wanted him to throw it away I said no. Whats the point?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Saw this conversation and just had to reply. Look, there is nothing wrong with a guy wanting to watch porn. Guys like watching girls, end of story. My boyfriend has a few porn videos from before we got together, and I quite enjoy getting them out every now and then and watching them with him as a prelude to sex. What exactly is it that you find most worrying about this discovery? If you feel shut out by him watching porn, I suggest you ask to watch it with him one time. It's quite enjoyable, if you don't take it too seriously. By reacting as you have, even though it is an understandable reaction, you have probably made him feel like this is his dirty secret. If you show you are willing to be open-minded, you will make him feel less...sordid, I guess. It is after all not exactly uncommon interest for men, whether single or not. And you never know, you might find it a turn-on yourself! You'd also get to find out what he does while he watches it...

    I can entirely understand your point about how can he respect women and still watch porn, but I personally think that it is no more degrading to the girls involved than it is to the men involved (and, perhaps, the men who watch it!). Having seen documentaries about the porn industry, it seems that most porn stars (male and female) are happy with what they do, like the cash it brings in and certainly don't seem to feel forced into it or degraded. So each to their own, you know?

    You can't really get away from the fact that men are always going to want to look at women, that most men automatically assess a girl sexually without even really meaning to - it's just how they are. It doesn't mean they allow this to influence how they deal with women, that they can't respect a woman. It's no more degrading than you not being able to avoid noticing that the guy who's just walked past has a cute ass! That doesn't mean you are going to assume anything else about him. My boyfriend has the utmost respect for women, and the fact that he has the odd Kelly Brook poster on the wall, or watches the odd porno doesn't change that - nor does it bother me, because frankly, I know he loves me, and only me. I wouldn't expect him to have a go if I wanted to watch a bit of porn or wanted a poster of Brad Pitt on my wall, and I'm happy to cut him the same slack.

    I would only worry if your bloke is watching porn without giving you the attention you require and deserve - and that doesn't seem to be the case. Actually, I would be more concerned by the fact that he felt he had to lie to you over this. And yes, if it bothers you - and it may well do, not matter how understanding you try to be - then you should definitely talk to him about it. If he cares, he'll listen.

    So: be open minded, try to be understanding - a lot of men do watch porn whilst in normal relationships (even if not all of them admit it!), and try watching it yourself - plenty of girls enjoy porn too!

    As to the person who said that porn turns sexual intimacy into sewage - well, maybe that happens sometimes, if the relationship isn't working anyway. But in my experience, it can be quite sexy to watch with your partner, and doing this will prevent it becoming something *he* does that *you* resent. And from my own personal experience? It has done nothing over the sort. It just isn't that important, y'know? My boyfriend and I have one of those relationships which is something special - people pick up on it even when they don't know us well. That's more important at the end of the day. To both of us.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You know as a bloke I always used to watch porn, mainly for stimulation but also I got alot of useful positions from them. <IMG alt="image" SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0">
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    do not worry luv he is a bloke wat do u expect!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't really mind the whole porn thing as such, I just don't really get it I suppose. In the vid there where a few things I quite liked the idea of, that I hadn't thought of before and we have done since!! I know they have a purpose but like I said previously, I just thought it was for people who hadn't had a shag before/for ages! He didn't lie to me about anything (or I would have been REALLY pissed off!) but he wasn't exactly open about it. I thought when I confronted him he would have opened up a bit, but I suppose I should respect his privacy really. It isn't a massive issue but I am still a bit confused by it all. Maybe I want to 'cure' him of his porn desires?!
Sign In or Register to comment.