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Have I Lost Her?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is sort of a long story but bear with me plz!
Im 18 and my gf is 16. We av been 2gether 4 over 18mths now. We both lost our V 2eachother. We are both highly jealous ppl.
Last week she told me she had got off with a THIRD person which happened 4mths ago (january ish). On all three occasions she got off with sum1 while out clubbing. You may think im over reacting but this has really hurt me inside. I love this girl2bits. I'd do anything for her. Everytime she goes clubbing I get all worked up and even had panic attacks. I never fort a girl cud make me feel like this. But now i seem 2bjealous bout everything she does, even wen she went dwn the local pub with work m8s. I dont no wot2do anymore cus it feels like im loosing her. Today 4example she has contacted me at all...ive txd her several times. Ppl say giv her space n stuff but then i fink she'l jst cheat on me again. i dnt wna loose her, plz help me...:(
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Let me get this right (cos the txt spk is kinda hard to follow!)....she has cheated on you 3 times and now you get worried when she goes out that she's going to do it again? :confused:

    You have every right to be worried! Why are you even still with her if she keeps treating you like shite?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OK - why would someone who supposedly loves you tell you this kind of thing? or even do this kind of thing.

    Is she guilt ridden? If so what did she expect to get from telling you knowing that you are already a jealous person. How would she react if you had told her that you had snogged 2 other people?

    My advice would be the same as your friends, give her space...let her prove to you that she wants to be with you. it sounds to me like she is going to keep on doing this and if you can't handle it why would you want to continue being in a relationship with her. Can you see yourselves still together in 2 years time with her still carrying on like she is - would you be happy?

    An open relationship only works if you both agree to it.

    She has betrayed your trust and frankly I cannot see your relationship getting better after this seeing as you are so jealous already.

    I hope that this doesn't affect your future relationships but I really think you have chosen the wrong girl this time!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    PS - you haven't lost her SHE has lost you!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Has she promised not to cheat on you again?
    (not that a promise from someone who has already cheated can mean that much in my opinion!)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really feel for you and hope you can work this out. It sounds like a horrible situation to be in.

    What is your girlfriend's attitude to all this? Like angelic girl said, has she promised not to do it again? Does she seem genuinely sorry?

    LSS
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She is genuinly sorry but she sed she cnt prmise dat it wil not happen again. She says this because of the amount of alcohol she has. She gets drunk, but that is no excuse. It hurts me. I admit im over protective but i cnt help the way i feel. I havent heard from her all day, now i get worried.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You say you haven't heard from her all day!! DONT call her, DONT text her. You have to wait for her to get in touch with you. It is she who needs to do the apologising and begging, it is her that should feel like shit. If you contact her then she will know you are wrapped around her finger.

    She has not made a commitment to you - why the hell do you want to be with her?

    By taking her back you will be saying 'You have told me you may do it again but I'm ok with that' and so when she does do it again it will be on your head!

    DO YOU WANT AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP - because that is what she wants. Why not tell her that you are fine with her snogging other people and you are going to do the same.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by DelicateHeart
    She is genuinly sorry but she sed she cnt prmise dat it wil not happen again.

    Well then the only question is are you going to put up with it or are you going to walk?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    On the surface I agree with everything byny said - you shouldn't be with someone who treats you this badly. However, you can't always help who you love, and I feel really sorry that you're in such a difficult situation. I think you need to face up to the facts - you want to be with her, but you're so afraid of losing her that you're letting her walk all over you. You need to speak openly and frankly with her. Tell her that you love her and want to be with her, but you can't go on getting hurt like this. You've been together for a long time - she needs to commit to you, and stop drinking so much if that's what makes her do these things.

    You have to be prepared for the worst - she may turn round and tell you that she doesn't want to stay in the relationship, and if that's the case, you'll have to accept that it's for the best. However, she may realise just how close she is to losing you, and clean up her act.

    I hope it's the latter, but like other people have said, this relationship shouldn't carry on if it's not making you happy and if she won't commit to it.

    Hope you sort things out one way or the other, keep us posted.

    LSS
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lisa simpson's saxophone
    On the surface I agree with everything byny said - you shouldn't be with someone who treats you this badly. However, you can't always help who you love, and I feel really sorry that you're in such a difficult situation. I think you need to face up to the facts - you want to be with her, but you're so afraid of losing her that you're letting her walk all over you. You need to speak openly and frankly with her. Tell her that you love her and want to be with her, but you can't go on getting hurt like this. You've been together for a long time - she needs to commit to you, and stop drinking so much if that's what makes her do these things.

    You have to be prepared for the worst - she may turn round and tell you that she doesn't want to stay in the relationship, and if that's the case, you'll have to accept that it's for the best. However, she may realise just how close she is to losing you, and clean up her act.
    Hear, hear.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ok, its friday now. Stil she has made no contact with me. Jst doesn't seem rite...usually she wud at least prank call me...its out of character. Fair enuf i no she has been at work half the day but i duno wots goin on. I cant talk2her bout the relationship face2face, she jst cant do that, she doesnt no wot 2say. Ok, some ppl find it easier to communicate there feelins in a different way i.e letters. If i could have my own way i wish that i neva of met my current gf but i can not pick who i fall in love with.
    I saw her last on wed nite, everything was fine. She sed she was goin to do revision lst nite, which i took with a pinch of salt and that she wud c me 2nite which i was suprised cus she had been invited2go clubbin earlier in d week. So, as u mite guess im not lookin 4ward 2 2nite, il b up all nite worrying n gettin ma sen worked up. U probably wont believe me but...shes SHY...finds it hard2say no! im babbling on now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So she cheats on you, says she still wants to be with you, but won't discuss the relationship face to face? You've been together 18 months, she needs to face up to it a bit. My boyfriend is shy too, and he was a bit like this at first - he used to really avoid confrontations and so would just ignore me and not get in touch until he felt like it. Then one day I told him that he'd really upset me by not responding when I was trying to sort things out. He said 'sorry I'm just not very good at these sorts of discussions'. So I said 'maybe you'd be better if you actually tried'. He got the point. No one likes having these 'talks' but I think it has to be done here.

    If she really won't sit and listen, then write her a letter?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If we wanted you to text us we'd give you our mobile numbers.

    Advice wise? She sounds as if she goes out, gets drunk and does silly things. Why not go with her?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She's cheated on you 3 times.
    She won't promise not to cheat on you again.
    She's not contacting you.
    She 'prank' calls you. (?!)
    If you had your own way, you'd never have met her.


    WHY oh why are you putting up with that?

    I had problems of a similar nature with my boyfriend about a month ago(although he hadn't cheated on me, but he wasn't calling me and was v dismissive and rude to me quite often, messing me around etc), and I finally decided I wasn't going to put up with it any more.

    I talked to him very seriously and told him openly and honestly how much it was upsetting me, and basically gave him 2 options:
    a) he could improve, understand that I was upset and start treating me better
    or
    b) the relationship was over.

    Luckily, he chose b :) and we're much, much happier now.

    I suggest you do something similar with your girlfriend - there's no point putting up with this shitty treatment, and you need to realise that it won't get better unless you tell her just how upset you are, hint at ending the relationship in order to whip her into shape, and be prepared for the worst - if she won't try to change, it's not worth carrying on.

    Good luck for tonight.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by perfect***day
    I talked to him very seriously and told him openly and honestly how much it was upsetting me, and basically gave him 2 options:
    a) he could improve, understand that I was upset and start treating me better
    or
    b) the relationship was over.

    That's exactly what I think you should do, DelicateHeart. You're not going to like it, but you're not happy at the moment anyway from the sounds of it.

    Tonight, have you got a mate you can ring? Go out with a friend or even just stay at home and chat to someone on the phone. It's what I sometimes do when my boyfriend hasn't contacted me and I want to resist the urge to phone him.

    I know how you must be feeling - good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But wot do i say, she nos how i feel.

    (p.s If i got off with other ppl, that wud make me as bad as her. I also know that she wudnt like that. Another fing is, who else wud want 2get off wid me anyway!?!? low self confidence)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I cnt fink of anyone who wud understand, all ma m8s wud say dump her blah blah, or jst laugh. Aint really got 1close m8.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If she knows how you feel and STILL isn't making any effort, she's really not worth the sweat and tears. Why can't you see that?

    And talking about 'who else would want me?' is telling - it's a very bad idea to stay in a relationship just because you're worried she's the only one who wants you. Firstly, you sound like a nice bloke who deserves way better than her so I'm sure someone else would want you, and secondly, who cares? Being single isn't that bad.

    Go out with your friends, have some fun, try to forget about her and realise that life can be great if you don't have to worry about her. Trust me, you'd be happier out of this one.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Look, your mates are right! Honest! They obviously only want the best for you as well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by DelicateHeart
    I cnt fink of anyone who wud understand, all ma m8s wud say dump her blah blah, or jst laugh. Aint really got 1close m8.

    I can't think of anyone who would understand, all my mates would say dump her etc. Or just laugh. I haven't really got one close mate.

    There is no word limit here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Simbelyne
    There is no word limit here.
    Lol Simbelyne give up, subtle hints apparently don't work.

    DelicateHeart, it does help if you type full words :) txt spk isn't really popular on these boards, as it makes your posts harder to read, and can make some of the moodier members of the boards a little worked up :rolleyes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh My God! (OMG) I find it quicker and easier for me to type like that. Is that a crime? Is there some sort of rule about spelling all your words out correctly!? I'm a man on the edge here!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by DelicateHeart
    Is that a crime? Is there some sort of rule about spelling all your words out correctly!?

    :yes: no text speak! Seriously it is really hard to make sense of!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Everybody seems to be against me this week. I Can't do much right can I people.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by DelicateHeart
    Everybody seems to be against me this week. I Can't do much right can I people.
    Oh ffs don't be silly. The txt spk thing was just something we were pointing out - if you take a look around the boards you'll see that no one uses it, because it's just easier to read a properly typed post, especially if it's quite long.

    Also, what do you mean we're against you! We're trying to help you :rolleyes: It's not our fault if you won't listen. I really do feel for you and I know how hard it must be, but you've got to pull together all the confidence you have in yourself, think 'I CAN survive this and I DO deserve to be happy' and then sort things out. Either you're made happy by her improving, or you're made happy by ending a bad relationship. Simple as.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wasn't saying you lot were against me, I was commenting in general. When something is sour in your life everything else seems to go the same way.
    "Life's a bitch and I'm going out with one"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Now I'm really getting worried. I just had a phone call from her father asking if she was with me, No I replied. Her mobile is at home (no wonder she isn't answering). Apprently she left work as usual and now disappeared without telling anyone. Not like her to leave her mobile tho, she's addicted to it.
    Going to have a drive around now, this week gets better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Any new of her yet?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry about all of this guys. Your all probably gettin fed up of it now. Anyway, I found her after 3hours of searching. She's gone clubbing tonight, all the tears have flowed, still got a dodgy tummy tho. My friend is out with them tonight tho, he is going to keep an eye on her4me. I wasn't invited. Apprently I now have a reputation for being miserable. I wonder why. I'm thinking of leaving the city and look to settle down somewhere else, good idea??
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, don't do anything that drastic! The only thing that seems to be making you miserable is her. Honestly, who goes clubbing without telling her boyfriend, never mind inviting him, when she's said she'd see him that night?!

    Answer this very simple question: after all that's happened, all that we've said and all that your mates have said....
    Why won't you end it? Just explain why. I can't understand.
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