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Rude Sentences with Innocent Meanings

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'll start -

"I bet you love dripping Daddies Sauce all over your baps?"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    in the office the other day, talking about her PC not working, Patricia came out with "Who's been fiddling with my box?"

    We couldn't control ourselves.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "I can't wait to get home tonight and have a nice manicure, followed by a gooey facial"

    Ho Ho Ho
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Patricia just came up with a brilliant one once again :lol: im still in tears..... (to paul) "is it always that big"



    (they were discussing some log file lol)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rather Incestuous!

    Twas not meant to come out rude but...

    I was sat eating a bag of cherries.. when me dad comes over to pinch one... so I say...

    "oh, I thought he was gonna nick my cherry"

    :lol:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    got this in an email once:

    True story... a female news anchor who, the day after it was
    Supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

    Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too
    As they were laughing so hard!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by candy
    got this in an email once:

    True story... a female news anchor who, the day after it was
    Supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

    Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too
    As they were laughing so hard!

    Yeah, that has been on "IT'll be alright on the night" or a similar show! They cracked up on TV and could hardly carry on .... :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hehehe i dont have anything to contribute big word for me! but just wannid to say this post has made me laugh soo much :D thank you!!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The same old joke comes up every xmas at ours....


    "Anyone want stuffing?" or

    "Can I fill you up?" or

    "Are you a breast or a leg man ?"

    :lol:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    at work they use an ftp program, and they call it a black box. so when the ftp goes down this old burd goes



    my box needs fiddling cos its gone down

    always makes me laugh:lol::lol:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A while ago there was a pie eating competition at my college to raise money for charity.
    Anyway, this lad i know said to another participant;

    'I'm gunna eat you under the table!'

    He ment it completely innocently but it had everone in stitches.

    :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wanna fuck?


    just an innocent phrase with no sexual meaning that some perverts can turn dirty...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "let me stroke your pussy" is one of my grandma's favourites, talking about the cat obviously!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    a while a ago my grandad came out with "did it taste nice?"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Zella
    a while a ago my grandad came out with "did it taste nice?"

    Well that is rude if he was referring to his baby batter :yuck:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no he was talking about beer but way to late and when we were at home watching tv....with my new b/f......:0S
    but still he is a minging old perv lol
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    God, my work is full of them.

    One time, I was bending down at the cash desk, and my boss was serving her, and I was down, picking up plastic bags that'd fallen from the shelves, and this wee old lady said.."Here, hen, you shouldn't be on your knees for that bloke, let him get on his knees for you!!"

    It was my 37 year old boss who wants to shag me, with the continually thinking of evil thoughts of me and my biteable backside. So, naturally, we were in fits of giggles. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    fuck it im resureccting this thread (soz i seen someone looking at it on whose online)

    in my old job me and this guy were talking about something and i said

    'well gavin, you were the first person to come into my head'

    so rude :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i asked a taxi driver the other day if I'd come across his face before :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    fill me up love
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In the middle of Comet, "Dan can I borrow your S & M disks?" I was talking about a mettallica CD but all the people around didnt......:crazyeyes

    Bopz
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My mom is a teacher and when she had to teach some dumb people she said once 'I've had some plonkers today'.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    'jamie had his roll in a plastic bag'

    :eek2:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A stage direction in my friends panto was

    "Dick enters and strokes pussy"

    It was Dick Whittington, but it cracked us up when we went to see it.

    Pantos are full of em.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My mother asked our hair dresser for a cut and blow job.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "if you're not careful i'm going to spill my juice all over you"

    that was when i was drinking some orange and my friend adele was making me laugh. she has a filthier mind than me though :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Our Spanish teacher once asked a girl in my class if her boyfriend's car was "big enough inside"... maybe you had to be there for that one. Another time she asked someone who they'd like to do next.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tink101----> "dammit! i cant get it in!"

    Me
    > "it will fit! it will fit!"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My cornet solo at band practise I was told to "Relax and blow harder than ever"

    In the car today my friend kept moving the seat back and forward really fast and jerkily, so I said "Stop it or I'll jerk you!" Maybe that wasnt too great.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Old people bring out some crackers like when an old lady came round our house she said:

    "Oooh your pussy's rumbling on my lap"

    hehehe or

    "He's a queer man isn't he."
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