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This is getting way out of control! HELP!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Right, I appologise now, this may well be long but its hard to cut it short!
We've known my friend has had a problem with alcohol for years (she's now just turned 18), not as in drinking too much at first, but getting very violent very easily. For example we had a party when we left for our GCSEs 2 years ago and she had a bit to drink, started accusing everybody of hating her, let out a few secrets which caused yet more trouble and just turned the evening into a big fight leaving many people in tears.
Since then its just been getting worse, and shes been drinking more and more. We'd go to her house and there would be empty bottles hidden around the place and she goes out all the time and gets slaughtered on the cheep drinks offers they have around.
Anyway, recently we've come to realise the drinking is a get-out, to block out the real world. She was in a bad relationship with a guy who put her down all the time and got violent and hit her, and since then she has been sleepin around a fair bit, not helped by the drinking.
Shes also been really paranoid about things, it cant really give an example but just the way she acts, and also her mum thinks she might be bullemic. That had never relly crossed my mind but now its been suggested i can see her point- she binges on suff like jaffa cakes and egg custards, and is never around after meal times etc etc
Around christmas time she found this really cool guy, and finally we thought she'd found someone who would trest her well etc and so we made a big deal of it by saying how nice he was, how lucky she was and making sure he was always invited to stuff.
He broke up with her a couple of weeks ago, saying she was mentally unstable and he never wanted to set eyes on her again. This seems to have been the last straw and has set her on free fall. Shes basically dropped out of school, even tho we only have 2 weeks left anyway, saying that her mum wouldnt let her take her exams. Her mum rang one of us up and gave her side of this and the events yet to be described, and we found this wasnt the case at all, she had suggested she just postponed them til later because she thought her daughter was having a break down.
Anyway, this whole thing came to a head on tuesday night. Apparently she came home very drunk, accused her mother of hiding "her" alcohol (her mum had bought them both the same ammount, my friend had drunk all hers and was trying to nick the rest of it), picked up a knife and threatened her mother, and smashed a window to "escape" and dissapeared, later to be picked up by the police. You dont call the police on your own daughter unless your afraid for both of your lives... They gave her the option of spending a night in the cells or in hospital, so she opted for hospital and then discharged her self early the next morning. She came into school because it was the last place her mum would look for her and gave us her side of it, along the lines of "My mum locked me in the house, i had to break out, now she wont let me back in till i go see a mantal analyst, ha yeah right, and i only have 50p"
Now we dont know what to do. We know she needs professional help. Shes threatened to kill her self many times before, and if she carries on like this she may even kill herself without actually meaning to! Shes paranoid, word that means not thinking clearly, but doesnt see anything wrong in the way shes behaving. Shes refusing any kind of help, and turning away from anyone that suggests it. We know we need to do something, but we cant just say it straight out because at the moment we are all she has, and if she doesnt ahve us to turn to i dont know what she'll do, and if she doesnt trust us we cant moniter the situation...
Anyone ever been in a situation similar to this? We're going to see our pastoral manager on monday, who knows her side of the story from the whole dropping out thing, but the ting is, because we're leaving soon theres not much she can do, especially since its hard enough to get my friend into school as it it.
Advice needed.
We've known my friend has had a problem with alcohol for years (she's now just turned 18), not as in drinking too much at first, but getting very violent very easily. For example we had a party when we left for our GCSEs 2 years ago and she had a bit to drink, started accusing everybody of hating her, let out a few secrets which caused yet more trouble and just turned the evening into a big fight leaving many people in tears.
Since then its just been getting worse, and shes been drinking more and more. We'd go to her house and there would be empty bottles hidden around the place and she goes out all the time and gets slaughtered on the cheep drinks offers they have around.
Anyway, recently we've come to realise the drinking is a get-out, to block out the real world. She was in a bad relationship with a guy who put her down all the time and got violent and hit her, and since then she has been sleepin around a fair bit, not helped by the drinking.
Shes also been really paranoid about things, it cant really give an example but just the way she acts, and also her mum thinks she might be bullemic. That had never relly crossed my mind but now its been suggested i can see her point- she binges on suff like jaffa cakes and egg custards, and is never around after meal times etc etc
Around christmas time she found this really cool guy, and finally we thought she'd found someone who would trest her well etc and so we made a big deal of it by saying how nice he was, how lucky she was and making sure he was always invited to stuff.
He broke up with her a couple of weeks ago, saying she was mentally unstable and he never wanted to set eyes on her again. This seems to have been the last straw and has set her on free fall. Shes basically dropped out of school, even tho we only have 2 weeks left anyway, saying that her mum wouldnt let her take her exams. Her mum rang one of us up and gave her side of this and the events yet to be described, and we found this wasnt the case at all, she had suggested she just postponed them til later because she thought her daughter was having a break down.
Anyway, this whole thing came to a head on tuesday night. Apparently she came home very drunk, accused her mother of hiding "her" alcohol (her mum had bought them both the same ammount, my friend had drunk all hers and was trying to nick the rest of it), picked up a knife and threatened her mother, and smashed a window to "escape" and dissapeared, later to be picked up by the police. You dont call the police on your own daughter unless your afraid for both of your lives... They gave her the option of spending a night in the cells or in hospital, so she opted for hospital and then discharged her self early the next morning. She came into school because it was the last place her mum would look for her and gave us her side of it, along the lines of "My mum locked me in the house, i had to break out, now she wont let me back in till i go see a mantal analyst, ha yeah right, and i only have 50p"
Now we dont know what to do. We know she needs professional help. Shes threatened to kill her self many times before, and if she carries on like this she may even kill herself without actually meaning to! Shes paranoid, word that means not thinking clearly, but doesnt see anything wrong in the way shes behaving. Shes refusing any kind of help, and turning away from anyone that suggests it. We know we need to do something, but we cant just say it straight out because at the moment we are all she has, and if she doesnt ahve us to turn to i dont know what she'll do, and if she doesnt trust us we cant moniter the situation...
Anyone ever been in a situation similar to this? We're going to see our pastoral manager on monday, who knows her side of the story from the whole dropping out thing, but the ting is, because we're leaving soon theres not much she can do, especially since its hard enough to get my friend into school as it it.
Advice needed.
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Comments
I would suggest you talk to her mother, tell her your worries and advise her mother to get her some help ASAP. The main struggle will be getting your friend to admit she has a problem though. If she carries on like this she will only bring more harm upon herself, and it sounds like she may have already done a lot fo damage to herself.
All you can do is help her, but try not to give her money as she is likely to spend it on drinking, which isn't good for her (which you know!!)
good luck x