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a goodnight message

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have just written this for a devised piece of acting I have to do. And now I am going to bed. Just wondered if anyone had any opinions or ideas to make it better or what not. Thanks and i'l be back around in a few days. And thanks for the b'day messages!

FUCK
pre-set: seated in dark room, a low glow spot light with blurred edge

I was only fourteen. Things like that shouldn’t happen to a fourteen year old. Things like that shouldn’t happen to anyone.
When you’re raped, you’re whole life pails in significance to what just happened. All those ‘problems’ you thought you had – bullshit. What colour to dye your hair isn’t a problem. Your ‘friend’ not talking to you – that isn’t a problem. It’s all bullshit. You’re whole life just turns into complete bullshit, and you seem to realise what you’re worth.

Except that shouldn’t be the case. At fourteen you should be worrying about your friend not talking to you, and what colour to dye your hair. You should care about getting your homework in on time, you shouldn’t be worrying about the next time you’re going to get fucked. You shouldn’t be sitting in your bedroom, cutting yourself.

And you know the worst thing about it? I knew the bastard. I knew the fucking bastard. And he knew me. He knew what I was like, he knew what I did, who my friends were, which side of my face my fucking hair fell on to.

There was this girl who used to go to school with me. I didn’t know her, I didn’t talk to her, but I knew her story. I knew what she’d told everyone. I knew that she told people he’d touched her, when she told him not too. And I knew that no one believed her. I knew that people called her a liar and a slut. And I know that he let them. But she wasn’t a liar, she wasn’t a slut. He did the same to me, but worse. I guess because maybe he knew he could get away with it. I guess he knew something about me that
I didn’t. And I guess that’s what scares me.

See you, you think you know me, but you don’t. Even I don’t know me. To you Im just this girl, this crazy… fucking… girl, who, is like, too confident, too overpowering, and sometimes quite intimidating, but Im not like that, not really. Im just a girl. Im just a tired, scared, girl… in this tired, scared body that tries to distract the attention from what’s going on inside my head.

My head’s not straight. I’ve had too much happen, in too shorter space of time, for me to deal with it. And Im tired. And I want to go home but I don’t know where that is anymore. And so I don’t have anywhere. I don’t have anywhere to hide, and I don’t have anywhere to call my own. I don’t have a place to protect me, a place that I feel safe in. He’s been in my house, he’s been in room, he’s been in my bed, the bed that I sleep in, the bed that I cry myself to sleep in. And I’ve tried running, and I’ve tried screaming, and I’ve tried getting angry, and I’ve tried hitting him and he hits me back. That’s the way it is. That’s the way it will always be. Because I wont let it go. I can’t let it go. I can’t move on, I can’t forget it. Not when I see him, not when he smirks at me on the bus, not when people are being civil to him as if he’s a normal, worthy human being.

And so this is it. I only just turned 18, and this is it, the end. 3 and a half years down the line, I thought it would be over, but it isn’t, it still haunts me, I still see him, I still feel it when I close my eyes at night. And I hurt the ones I love because of it.

They don’t know. They’ll never know, not now. It’s too late now. Its too hard, im too tired, and im not prepared to do this anymore. I cant do this anymore. I cant deal with my own mind, and I cant deal with my own pain. And im not prepared to try anymore.
(exits room quickly with head down)

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Too long for me to read now, im tired and off to bed! I read the first part...seems good so far :)

    Will read the rest tomorrow. Nunite everyone :wave:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lol ok, prolly the case for a few actually. oh well, i dont have to have it ready for rehearsal for another week or so now so i've got time to wokr on it. thanks anyway.
    night all x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i read the first few paragraphs, and will read the rest tomorrow, i promise! It seems to be very good!

    G' nite Emily :wave:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I thought that was very good. One thing I may have done slightly different is put the problems down first and not mention the rape till the end.
    You said [QUOTEThey don’t know. They’ll never know, not now. It’s too late now. Its too hard, im too tired, and im not prepared to do this anymore. I cant do this anymore. I cant deal with my own mind, and I cant deal with my own pain. And im not prepared to try anymore.
    ][/QUOTE]

    Then end with He raped me !!!!!!!!! He fucked up my life !!!!!!!!!

    or sommat like that. What does anyone else think? Its like saying she's got problems and eventually she has to say why she's been screwed up if you know what I mean :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    a very powerful piece of dramatic monologue.

    the 3rd and 4th paragraph, and this is probably just me, don't flow together as nicely as the others do.

    my internal monologue, is reading the piece continually, (well with little stage direction :p)

    i see the 3rd ending, then a long hush, before whispering "and there was this girl"

    one more thing, in this dark piece, the longer senteces should be broken up with akward transitions (thinking time or "..."'s equivalent)

    my 2 cents. and again, great work.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The best part of that was the way you portrayed her feelings. That was brilliantly done :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i knew her before she was famous! well ...yeah, only online but ...well i nearly knew her ...she pm'd me ...once.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by morrocan roll
    i knew her before she was famous! well ...yeah, only online but ...well i nearly knew her ...she pm'd me ...once.

    LMAO :lol:

    that was pretty good stuff werent it :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *Claps*

    Very good. Yep. I liked it :D You said enough, without it being too much. :thumb:

    And Becky, what you said »
    One thing I may have done slightly different is put the problems down first and not mention the rape till the end.
    ...when people do that its good. it creates tension and builds it up etc. But i think in this case, its better to come out with it straight away, it might sound a bit 'wishy washy' at the end. :) I dunno!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bravo. That was a touch of class :).


    A bit depressing like but I love the way it's written...is it a monologue?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Young and sexy
    *Claps*


    And Becky, what you said » ...when people do that its good. it creates tension and builds it up etc. But i think in this case, its better to come out with it straight away, it might sound a bit 'wishy washy' at the end. :) I dunno!

    Yeah maybe, its me Ive been watching too many films and programmes. They do a big build up of someones life, all the problems come out and then it ends with "Blah, blah, blah"

    But that was excellent stuff :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo
    But that was excellent stuff :)
    :yes: Sure was :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Becky, she can hardly just blurt out "oh i was raped" at the end of it - the entire piece focuses on her being raped, both the details of it and her feelings over it. I doubt what she's written is supposed to build up tension, they'll probably have been a build of tension and emergance of rape in the scene before, with what Badabing has written being some sort of explanatory monologue talking about the affect the rape has had on her life. Prose doesn't have to be shocking or constantly involve a huge build up of tensions to be good.

    Personally I think that whilst it's perhaps a little rough around the edges with a few too many cliches, it's essentially pretty good. Nice work. :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Real good :) Im off to bed now! Nitel nitel! :crazyeyes
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Shukes
    Becky, she can hardly just blurt out "oh i was raped" at the end of it -

    Why not? I would think the build up would finally be over for the girl when she can actually shout out to the world :

    "It was that bastard who raped me, he fucked up my life and now after 3 and a half years Im free of this bastard, im telling the world what he did to me "
    Obviously my writing is not brilliant, we all know this but that does not mean I cannot read into subjects, and also have you maybe considered I actually know how rape does fuck people up until they can finally admit it wasnt their fault, it was his !! Then its time for them to get help, move on and eventually get over it and start living again.

    Anyway thats how I looked at it :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo
    Why not? I would think the build up would finally be over for the girl when she can actually shout out to the world :

    "It was that bastard who raped me, he fucked up my life and now after 3 and a half years Im free of this bastard, im telling the world what he did to me "
    Obviously my writing is not brilliant, we all know this but that does not mean I cannot read into subjects, and also have you maybe considered I actually know how rape does fuck people up until they can finally admit it wasnt their fault, it was his !! Then its time for them to get help, move on and eventually get over it and start living again.

    Anyway thats how I looked at it :)

    Uh, as I said, a scene like that would probably take place just before the scene that Badabing wrote. And also as I said, she would have to practically rewrite the whole thing to have that as an ending, seens as the majority of the scene focuses on how she was raped and how she felt because she was raped.

    Sure having an ending like that to the scene may seem better at first, but overall such a play would be better to have a more dramatic scene with the ending you suggested before hand, and then the monologue that Badabing has written going into further detail about hot she feels because of the rape. You can't squeeze all the dramatic moments into one scene just for the sake of it, you need to think about the play as a whole.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    critics aye ...don't ya just wanna killem!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Shukes


    Sure having an ending like that to the scene may seem better at first, but overall such a play would be better to have a more dramatic scene with the ending you suggested before hand, and then the monologue that Badabing has written going into further detail about hot she feels because of the rape. You can't squeeze all the dramatic moments into one scene just for the sake of it, you need to think about the play as a whole.

    Ok Boss ;)

    I didnt do all this stuff at school you know lol.
    Im going by what I know about rape in real life, and I love there to be a little bit of a twist at the end and you then say "thats why she was such a bitch, poor kid what she went through, now we all know why" :)

    Does that make sense?

    And another thing Shukes, stop ganging up on me, specially when I have to type thoughtful posts and really think before I post :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo
    Ok Boss ;)

    I didnt do all this stuff at school you know lol.
    Im going by what I know about rape in real life, and I love there to be a little bit of a twist at the end and you then say "thats why she was such a bitch, poor kid what she went through, now we all know why" :)

    Does that make sense?

    And another thing Shukes, stop ganging up on me, specially when I have to type thoughtful posts and really think before I post :D

    I've never done anything involving plays ('cept a bit of Shakespeare which hardly counts) at school in my life.

    Oh, and I do not believe for one second that you have to really think before you post. :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Shukes

    Oh, and I do not believe for one second that you have to really think before you post. :p

    Awwww aint he cute ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Shukes

    I do not believe for one second that you have to really think before you post. :p
    thats how i feel shukes. that's the mistake i make ...often. it must be that one second your talking about. one second to press 'reply' and then think ...oh shit.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BeckyBoo
    Awwww aint he cute ;)

    Yep, hes like a little ball of rat faced fur. :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well thanks for so many replies. I read people's comments and understand where you're coming from about changing the order or events around and that. I might *tweek* it a bit after i've sat down with it and my tutor, but right now I think Im going to leave it.

    The great thing about this piece is that, it's only going to be performed internally. And a lot of people know basic things about my life, but not details, so I think its going to be really effective as... after we perform, it is a rule that no one can ask you whether it is true or not. Obviously close friends always do, but they know things about me as it is, so for the others, its going to be very different and uncomfortable.

    I did a piece a while ago, we had to use pictures, and tell a story. It was all about me when I was younger, having an older sister who was abducted and murdered, and it made some of my friends cry, and they still look at me to this day and think 'was that true or not?', which im proud of cuz i know its been done well.

    So anyway, this piece, i was going to *commit suicide* at the end, but because of the nature of it, and to make it seem more real and have the audience think to themselves... "did this really happen?" Im jutst going to get to the end, and leave with my head down, through the audience and out the studio.

    So yeh, thats my reply anyway! sorry it took a while - and thanks for all your replies. x :thumb:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jeeesus Badabing, that nearly made me cry! :( I actually have tears in my eyes. Very harrowing.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by perfect***day
    Jeeesus Badabing, that nearly made me cry! :( I actually have tears in my eyes. Very harrowing.

    aw bless you, thanks. Thats what I want it to do. I promised myself now im not going to read it for a few days, so that when I do I can get back what I felt the first time i read it through. so i hope it makes me cry too! I think i will when i perform it as its a very personal piece to me. Just hope the audience can appreciate it too.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    class aye. when you get to have tea with the king ...do come back and tell us all about it chuck!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by badabing
    So anyway, this piece, i was going to *commit suicide* at the end, but because of the nature of it, and to make it seem more real and have the audience think to themselves... "did this really happen?" Im jutst going to get to the end, and leave with my head down, through the audience and out the studio.
    :yes: Definately. Dont do the commit suicide thing, its a bit...errrm...predictable!? Leave the audience in suspense, wondering like you said :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    beckyboo, have you ever read a book called speak? it goes through the whole book talking about her feelings and how everyone hated her and how she stopped talking because of something that happend at a party, then finally in the last couple of chapters she relives the rape etc...
    it was just really interesting reading your suggestion cos it was almost exactly like how the book was. o well

    have to agree with perfect dayy, i had tears in my eyes, stuff like that affects people cos the rapist could be any of their friends etc...
    we did a piece abit like that but about pregnancy and abortion and it was really tough, people were in tears all over the place.
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