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girlfriend problems

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
have been going out with a great girl for 4 months its been brilliant, but the only problem is she's pretty frigid all we ve done really is kissing and a small bit more. the other day i asked her about her previous (sexual) experiences with guys and she freaked. it was pretty awkward after that cos i felt like i had done something terrible. do u think it was a stupid thing to ask about?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it was a perfectly normal question to ask your girlfriend, but there's obviously something that bothers her and she doesn't wanna talk about. You could ask her if there's anything she wants to talk about, but I wouldn't pressure her into talking cos it could mean you lose her. Maybe she'll open up when she feels a bit more comfortable?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mmmm, yeah what Faith said.

    Sometimes it's hard to get the balance between wanting normal sexual relations, and the other person thinking you're only after one thing. Just try and be cool about it, sometimes it takes time for that side of the relationship to develop :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nope, 4 months is a reasonable time to be going out. You should be able to openly ask her anything that is on your mind

    Don't feel bad that she didn’t take it too well. Maybe she has some issue regarding her past (Don't want to put ideas into your head here, but perhaps something bad happened to her)

    Just reassure her that she can talk to you about anything. Least that was you have tried and made the effort.

    Failing that, finish with her and find someone else.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just take your time with her. Some women are very frigid to begin with, and the sweettalking isnt working. So your only other option is to give it time and open up to her-

    She prob had a bad experience before or is just scared and inexperienced. How old is she?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes, yes, you all say that but my girlfriend pounced on me after about a month. I was "inexperienced" and I don't know what would have happened if she hadn't made the first move but I think you've just got to open up and say how you feel.

    Being open is essential for any relationship and you are entitled to have a desire for sex - most people do - and you should try to see what has happened in her past (if anything). It might be that she's afraid of men because of some event that scared her. Just talk.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Harmless
    Nope, 4 months is a reasonable time to be going out. You should be able to openly ask her anything that is on your mind

    Don't feel bad that she didn’t take it too well. Maybe she has some issue regarding her past (Don't want to put ideas into your head here, but perhaps something bad happened to her)

    Just reassure her that she can talk to you about anything. Least that was you have tried and made the effort.

    Failing that, finish with her and find someone else.

    AHEM...I think you are totally wrong to assume that she has some issue in her past that may be making her reluctant to talk about sex. And its wrong to call her frigid!!

    Don't be such a bloke! What stupid advice...you are basically saying 'if she won't have sex with you then fuck off and find someone who will' whatever happened to treating people with respect. If you really like her you'll stick around and talk about it rather than put this kind of pressure on her.

    My boyfriend (who I have now been with for 8 years) was very confused about the fact that I didn't have sex with him for ages but he respected my desire to know I was comfortable before We made love.

    Perhaps she's a virgin who doesn't want to throw it away with a bloke she's only known for 4 months. Its not that long, and just because you are experienced doesn't mean she is! And just because you'll have sex with someone when you barely know them it doesn't mean she has to!

    And again - please don't call her frigid, if she found out that this is how you view her then I wouldn't be surprised if she pissed off and found someone else who is more worthy!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: girlfriend problems
    Originally posted by mcinally
    have been going out with a great girl for 4 months its been brilliant, but the only problem is she's pretty frigid all we ve done really is kissing and a small bit more. the other day i asked her about her previous (sexual) experiences with guys and she freaked. it was pretty awkward after that cos i felt like i had done something terrible. do u think it was a stupid thing to ask about?

    Ok youve been going out with a girl, how old is this girl? Is she ready for sex?
    If she is ready to take the relationship further it will just happen, one thing will lead to another and you will both know that its the right time.
    Id say just let her take her time she will want sex when shes ready, you can't decide the times right for her :)

    I have to agree it does come across as though all youre bothered about is sex, just take time to get to know her and dont rush things.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think there was anything wrong with asking about previous sexual experiences but she's entitled not to answer. It could mean that she had some experience she doesn't want to talk about, but I wouldn't necessarily jump to that conclusion. Maybe she's just inexperienced and took your question to mean that you wanted to do things she isn't comfortable with. As long her being 'frigid' (and I agree with byny, don't call her that!) isn't a huge problem and you don't just want her for sex, I'd leave it for a bit until she seems more comfortable.
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