Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Aged 16-25? Share your experience of using the discussion boards and receive a £25 voucher! Take part via text-chat, video or phone. Click here to find out more and to take part.

Need a bit of help please.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all.

Me and this girl have been close for about 8 months now but for the first 7 months she had a boyfriend so nothing much happened. However during that time she did tell me she did like me more than friends. Anyway she finally finished with her boyfriend but told me that she didnt want another boyfriend yet cos she'd just come out of a long term relationship. Fair point. I accepted this. Then last monday we finally got it on and kissed. She told me she liked me but she doesnt think it wud be fair on me cos she still has feelings for her boyfriend. Then the next day i asked her to prove to me she liked me while she was sober, and we kissed again. The thing is she seems so reluctant to do anything. I literally have to force her to meet up with me, and it seems im putting in all the work but getting nothing back. Surely when two people like each other they like to spend as much time as possible with each other, not only this but i heard she went out with another lad the other day. I asked her about him and she says he is just a friend but im not so sure. Anyway im sure from reading this it seems im being stupid and she just needs time but i assure you its not as simple as this. Im not sure if im just being fucked around. We'd arranged to meet up tonight but again she's being a bit weird and only spending a hour and half togeter cos shes got to be up for work in the morning but thats at 11 !

I just dont understand why that if she likes me she doesnt want to do more stuff together. Im seriously into this girl, it took 8 months to get her and now it seems its all been a waste and im getting a bit screwed over. I dont know whether to just try and forget her or keep chasing her. Thing is i know ill never find a girl like this again so its so hard.

What do you guys think ?


  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Personally, by the way you've described the situation, it seems to me that this girl may be using you as a sort of 'insurance policy'... someone who she is certain she can fall back on, who she knows will be there no matter what she does to him.

    Like you say, it's a fair point that when she'd just split up with he boyfriend she didn't want a relationship. But after that, it just appears to me like she's keeping you there as a fall back.

    Obviously I could be wrong. She may not be that type of girl, in which case I'm not sure what she's playing at. For the same reason, I'm not sure if you should forget her or carry on. But this I will say-get out and see other girls. If her motives are what I think they are, she'll see you doing this and realise you're not just her fall guy, so she'll (hopefully) make a decision and give you a straight answer on if she likes you or not.

    Hope that helped :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've just had a similar experience - wait ages for a girl and then she doesn't seem interested. I'd say she's probably just using you for an ego boost - it's good for peoples egos to have someone chasing them. If she was really interested in you, you'd know. Don't make the same mistake I did and convince yourself that because she hasn't said no she means yes or you'll just end up waiting for ages with no result. Take my advice and look for someone else or you'll just be waiting for her and she'll never come to you. Especially as she's going with someone else it's unlikely she'll come to you so don't hang around and let it ruin your self esteem - get out and find someone else. It's what I intend to do! :D
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Need a bit of help please.
    Originally posted by FindYourOwnWay
    [BAnyway im sure from reading this it seems im being stupid and she just needs time but i assure you its not as simple as this. [/B]

    Well...you don't say why its not as simple as this?

    I'd say that if she says she doesn't want a relationship with you then its because she doesn't!

    You say you are/were good friends, so now is the time to prove what a good friend you are by not pressuring her into becoming more than friends. Give her some space, seems to me that this is what she wants at the moment. By following her around and pressuring her to make a decision youo are kind of saying 'if you were a good friend then you would' which is somewhat similar to 'if you loved me you would' which is something people blackmail others with all the time.

    Try not calling/seeing her for a while so that she has the space to realise what she really wants. If she is using you as an insurance policy (In the words of Tash mania) then it will become apparent once you have left her alone for a while.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well i went round hers last nite and we were getting close and that. But we were kissing and she pulled away and said she didnt want to lead me on cos she really doesnt want a boyfriend. I was like 'yeah, i understand that but surely we can have sum fun ?' But it turns out she doesnt want to do anything like that cos shes sick of lads. I agree with her and just hug her, knowing even tho i wanted more it would be wrong to try and come on too strong. Anyways we chatted and agreed to spend more time together on a friendly basis. Obviously i was secretly slightly bummed cos i like her so much but if this is all she wants then thats fine. Its just the thought of finding out she's got a new boyfriend after what she said to me. But then at least i'd know to move on from her.

    Thanks for your advice guys, i guess it isnt meant to be because she even said she'd prefer it if i got another girlfriend. Thing ive liked this girl for 8 months now and i cant see myself with other girls cos i feel so much for this girl. Its pretty fucked up. Im gonna give her some space, see how thing go.

    Thanks again.
Sign In or Register to comment.