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How much should you get involved?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I had a friend round last night and we were having a typical big girly gossip/chat. The conversation turned to a friend of ours who's having problems with her boyfriend. It got me thinking, how much should you get involved (read: interfere) in your friends' relationships?

Do you just steer clear and hope they sort themselves out, or do you try and persuade them to do the right thing? For example, the girl we were talking about it in a really consuming relationship but doesn't want to tell her boyfriend that she needs her own space. She refuses to do anything about it. What do you do when one of your friends is so obviously unhappy but won't admit it or try and sort things out? Or even when they insist that they ARE happy, but you can see that they're not being treated well? I'm not having a big dilemma here, I'm just curious to hear what other people think about this.

LSS

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont think you should interfere at all. All you can do is give her advice and hope that she sees sense. If you interefere too much you might fall out over it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In this particular case, I probably wouldn't get involved as I'm not very close friends with this girl, and she has other friends who'd be better at helping her out. I just mean generally, should you get involved in your friends' relationships? Or does it do more harm than good?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lisa simpson's saxophone
    I just mean generally, should you get involved in your friends' relationships? Or does it do more harm than good?

    I think that it does do more harm than good. Like if you go saying to a mate 'You should break up with him, he's no good blah blah blah' and then she decides to stay with him she's not gonna be happy knowing you hate him and might end up choosing her blokey over you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont tend to get involved, unless 'm asked and even then i try and avoid it! Apart from my best friend anyway- but even then its not interference so much as support. If she is having problems, or the other way round, we discuss it pretty frankly. Other than that I steer clear!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would give advice if it was asked for, or if it was an especially close mate (who knew me well enough to know I only wanted them to be happy - and who wouldn't mind me giving advice without being asked for it). I wouldn't get so involved that I ended up being the "go-between" for my mate and her bf - I've been there, done that (during my school years) and now I'm wise enough to know it won't usually help matters.

    Getting friends involved in your relationship usually only ends up causing more trouble - the wrong people end up finding out too much, and everyone ends up talking about it, and there are mixed messages flying all over the place. It can usually all backfire and split up a group of friends forever - and, yes, unfortunately, I am talking from bitter experience! :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you're friends with both people in equal meaures then I would get involved but not to a huge extent.

    I told a male friend that he was lucky to still have his girlfriend because he never does any housework or any shopping and she was sick of it. She had tried telling him but he wasn't listening. It took someone else (me) to make him realise just what she wanted and how annoyed she was. He confided in me that she nagged too much instead of asking, she would drop hints which he didn't like, so I told her and she realised that yes, she was nagging him too much.

    I always get involved, but then I know my friends, and I know how they react to it. Only you know your mates and how they will respond to intereferece. If they had had a disagreement or falling out then I would let them sort that out and not take sides.
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