If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Work Ethic ~ ?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
The Pet Frog
> >
> > A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend a
> > pet. After looking around she realized that all the
> > pets there were very expensive. A clerk came up and
> > asked if there's something he could help her with.
> >
> > "I wanted to buy my boyfriend a pet, but all of yours
> > are so expensive!" She says.
> >
> > "Well," said the clerk, "I have a huge bullfrog in the
> > back for $50.00.
> > Would you like to see it?"
> >
> > "$50.00?? For a Frog??" said the woman.
> >
> > The clerk said, "It's a special frog. It's gives blowjobs."
> >
> > So, the woman decides to buy the frog. She takes it
> > home to her boyfriend, explains the frog and they're
> > both happy. The woman goes to bed. Around two in the
> > morning she is awakened by pots and pans banging around
> > in the kitchen. She gets up to go see what's going
> > on and when she gets to the kitchen she sees her boyfriend
> > and the frog sitting at the kitchen table looking through
> > cookbooks.
> >
> > "What are you two doing looking through cookbooks at
> > this hour?" says the woman.
> >
> > The guy looks up at her and says, "Well, if I can teach
> > this frog to cook, your ass is out of here!!!"
> >
<IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
> >
> > A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend a
> > pet. After looking around she realized that all the
> > pets there were very expensive. A clerk came up and
> > asked if there's something he could help her with.
> >
> > "I wanted to buy my boyfriend a pet, but all of yours
> > are so expensive!" She says.
> >
> > "Well," said the clerk, "I have a huge bullfrog in the
> > back for $50.00.
> > Would you like to see it?"
> >
> > "$50.00?? For a Frog??" said the woman.
> >
> > The clerk said, "It's a special frog. It's gives blowjobs."
> >
> > So, the woman decides to buy the frog. She takes it
> > home to her boyfriend, explains the frog and they're
> > both happy. The woman goes to bed. Around two in the
> > morning she is awakened by pots and pans banging around
> > in the kitchen. She gets up to go see what's going
> > on and when she gets to the kitchen she sees her boyfriend
> > and the frog sitting at the kitchen table looking through
> > cookbooks.
> >
> > "What are you two doing looking through cookbooks at
> > this hour?" says the woman.
> >
> > The guy looks up at her and says, "Well, if I can teach
> > this frog to cook, your ass is out of here!!!"
> >
<IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
0
Comments
I am George Carlin.
I like big cars, big hooters, and big paychecks. I
believe the money I make belongs to me and my family,
not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad
comb-over who wants to give it away to crack
addicts squirting out babies.
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you'd
better do it in English.
I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way.
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a
child, it takes two parents.
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the
Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches. And where does he get
his money. And why is he always part of the problem
and not the solution.
I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is
sex, and it is sex for both of you. This even applies
when you are President of the United States.
I think that being a student doesn't give you any more
enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if
your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy
ass through 4-7 years of college, you haven't begun to
be enlightened.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her
God or gods, just leave the rest of us out of it. This
also applies to sexuality.
I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason.
I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.
I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a
shield for unpopular opinions or actions.
I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.
My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons, and whoever
canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time
arguing about it.
I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all
those experts now, when I am freezing my ass through a
long winter?
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't
wander forty years in the desert after getting chased
out of Egypt, I haven't burned any witches or been
persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut
up already.
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry
ass if you're running from them. I also think they
have the right to pull your ass over if you are
breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot
works, I don't want you deciding who should be running
the most powerful nation of the world for the next four years.
I think if you are in the passing lane, and not
passing, your license should be revoked, and you
should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to
never delay the rest of us again.
I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food.
I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want
them, but please don't pretend they are a political
statement.
I think Dr. Seuss was a genius.
I 'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how
desperately the mainstream media would like the world
to believe otherwise.
If that makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.
http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/picturejokes/4628.jpg
1.More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
2.You think the stock market has a fence around it.
3.You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
4.You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
5.Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
6.Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
7.You've ever used lard in bed.
8.Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
9.You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
10.You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
11.Your home has more miles on it than your car.
12.Your Christmas tree is still up in February.
13.You've ever been arrested for loitering.
14.You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.
15.There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
16.You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
17.You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.
18.You own a homemade fur coat.
19.Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
20.Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
21.You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
22.There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
23.Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
24.There is a wasp nest in your living room.
25.The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
26.You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
27.There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.
28.You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
29.You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
30.Fewer than half of your cars run.
31.You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
32.The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.
33.Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
34.Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
35.Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
36.You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.