Theory about me

Former Member

I have a personal theory which I think is accurate, though I'm not sure (and maybe this should go in health but im not sure...)

I think when Laura dumped me, the reason I took it so well is because I didn't take it at all. I've realised recently that the things that should upset me most emotionally don't upset me at all. Like finding out my mum may have motor neuron disease, I wasn't upset or anything it was weird. I was worried, but not upset, like I should have been. In a dream I had (whether it means anything) I was crying about the fact that my mum may have it and also I have let myself lie down and die because Laura broke up wioth me, as if there is no purpose to my life.

So my theory is, as I've been upset quite a lot over the past few years, my mind has stopped acknowledging the stronger signals. When I'm really tired I cry for no reason, and I think it may be because I'm crossing into a dreamy state. GroovayBaby was talking to me online on saturday I think it was when I was like this.

The only thing is, if I'm right, then there is no real cure is there? I mean, if I am really so upset then if it's all released at once who knows what could happen. The anguish and hurt I would feel could spill over, even ending up with me being destructive to myself, and others.

Or there is the other possibility I'm the most cold and insensitive guy in the world...

Former Member

Shyboy it's perfectly normal to think that you have accepted a break up and then realise that you haven't. It happens. There's no big switch moment where you stop liking someone, you just have to keep yourself detached from them for long enough, and eventually you move on to thinking about other things and other people. Acceptance is a long slow process.

Former Member

It's not just that, it's how, anything that should upset me, doesn't...

I mean once I got upset, and I put my head in hands, and was making like motions you make when you are crying. My friends thought I was crying... but I was actually laughing.

I'm kind of getting accustomed to getting hurt in one way or another I think.

Former Member

different people have different ways of dealing with things - and some people just dont deal with them. I would think that these things do affect you in some way, maybe youre still in shock in some way about both the break up and your mums problems. I would imagine that at some point it will seem more real and you will have to deal with it then, but for now, your coping mechanism is to feel numb about it. Its quite a common way to deal with things, although it may not be the healthiest way of dealing.

Former Member

i kno exactly what u mean shyboy. I always used to get sad over things but since i havent cried for several years and ive had quite a disturbing time

several close members of my family have died, ive not seen my father in 6 years, as well as very rarely seeing my nan, grandad, auntie, uncle, and 3 cousins (1 which i didnt know about). My nan has had to be commited into a home for suffering of alzheimer disease - half the time she doesnt know who i am. Ive got some sort of head problem where i hear people talking to me, see things that arent there, have moments where i feel like im falling and none of it ever seems to bother me, I promised myself i wouldnt cry again but even if i hadnt im sure i wouldnt have, i dont even want to cry

Im not saying i have a bad life or anythin, im very greatful for what i have and dont feel jealous in any way of anyone...

I started to worry that "i dont feel anything" but i got used to it and its how i am, maybe youll be the same, more likely your in shock and itll change back to normal in a few months. But either way i wouldnt let it worry ya

Tom

Former Member

Originally posted by *Groovaybaby*

Im always here for you. And i will never leave ur side.

Lolliee

Thankyou so much :crying:

That's the nicest thing anybody has said to me in such a long time.

*hug*

Thankyou, it really does mean a lot to me. Heh, I've got tears in my eyes now...