Home Sex & Relationships
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Lonely, lovelorn lad...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I know I've posted stuff like this before, but I'm feeling really low about it. I'm 20 and have never had a girlfriend, or even been close to a girl. I don't think I'm especially good looking, but neither am I hideously ugly. I'm not all that confident, and can be quite shy, but am not shy to the point of being a hermit. I try to be considerate to people, treat them how I'd like to be treated, and generally be nice to them. But I seem to be permanently single.

There's no particular reason for me wanting a gf - I'd like to feel really close to something (something which it seems only really happens in a relationship), and I'd also like to feel wanted (I know that might sound selfish...). I don't go out looking for a girlfriend, I don't go out and try to pull people, I just hope that I'll meet someone who I get on with, and things will develop from there. But I never do. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong, or if there's something I should be doing that I'm not, but I'm completely stuck.

People say "It'll just happen", or "You just know what to do", but that's easy for people who've had relationships to say. They all seem to forget what it's like to be single once they're in a relationship. I also know that you don't need a relationship to make you happy, and that one won't necessarily make me happy, but that doesn't stop me wishing I had one.

I generally feel worst about this when I go to places where the "couple" thing is especially noticeable, such as nightclubs, the cinema, and the pub. I feel sad about it, but the worst thing is that I can't see it ever changing without changing something myself. The problem is I don't know what or how.

It's not that I'm not attracted to girls. I'm not the sort of lad who fancies every girl he sees. But I'm not overly fussy either. Of course I notice looks, but personality is just as important. There have been (and are) girls I like, but who I feel hopeless with, because I have no idea about how to go anywhere with this.

I'm sorry if this post's been a bit rambling and waffley, but I feel so sad about this, and it often plays on my mind. It feels like there's something different about me, which means that I'm not as attractive in whatever way, or that I'm doing something wrong.

I'd be really really grateful for any comments, advice, or whatever you have to say about this.

Thanks

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well you have to be happy on your own before you can be happy in a relationship...

    But then again I was depressed on my own. Was in a relationship, happy for a while, then she went cold, then we split up. And now I'm happy on my own. So it took a relationship to learn to be happy on my own.

    But when you finally get there (and you will, don't worry) it becomes part of your life, like, forfilling.

    Ow my ears going to explode my mum screaming...

    Good luck
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    god, you sound like an older, male version of me! freaky.

    listen, nothing i can say is going to make it any better but i can say that i felt exactly the same as you two months ago. and as condescending and cliched as it is, those people are right, it will come along when you least expect it. and that's the shittest advice i've ever given.:rolleyes:

    but it's true. i'd never had a boyfriend until i was in a club, in a major pisser looking for my friends when some lad smacks me on the arse. his mate apologises, we hook up and it went from there. i was not looking for a man, although i did want a relationship.

    ack!! i can't say what i want to say!!:banghead:

    i hope you feel better and it works out for you.
    and sorry for my terrible, terrible "advice".
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cheers gentleman. i didn't think anyone would understand what i was trying to say, lol.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dont worry mate your not alone! i feel the same, i have had 2 g/fs who have both been total bitches and everyone keeps saying "dont worry the right one will come along" etc etc

    just hold up and do your own thing for the time being!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You are not alone, as you can see from the other posts. Someone will come along. Don't just go for anyone just so you have a gf I would add also that I have got a friend who seems to fancy everyone he meets and I have told him that its not flattering for the girl to feel that he is just asking her out/ fancying her just because she is a woman. Get to know pwople

    hope that doen't sound too crap
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you are also the male older version of me.

    i hate being patronised, and that's all that my friends at college seem able to do - oh it'll happen someday, dont worry your liddle head about it bubbykins, awwwww int she sweet she cant get a bf bless her. (thats the tone of it anyway)

    i am 17 and have never kissed anyone - my friends dont know this, they just know that i cant get a boyfriend. i've never been complimented - i am short fat and ugly (hence login). i have asked out lads who i thought i connected with on a 'more than friends' level, but they just run a mile. i dont go for the best-looking/popular lads, just nice sweet ones with a reasonable sense of humour and that are mature. there aren't many of them but they're the ones i seem to connect with and get on with. my best friend in the world is male - i used to fancy him when i was 13/14, when he found out he ran a mile, avoided me for ages but we reconciled and helped each other through some tough times.

    eefs - having my bum slapped in a club will just not happen - unless it's some daft townie doing a dare, i dont like going out as there's a points system for getting off with lads that my thin, pretty (and ever so slightly shallow) friends have made up - i'm perpetually zero, and i feel so left out.

    i dont go for just anyone, i have to get to know a person before i fancy them - i'll think 'ooh they're nice looking' but it's not automatically followed by 'ooh i fancy him i'll ask him out'

    if any lad wanted me, as long as he wasnt a total tosser, then i'd go out with him - just being with someone who really liked me, rather than just putting up with me, would be lovely.

    if any lads in yorkshire honestly dont care about looks please let me know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah me too, 20ish and not even a kiss, yadda yadda yadda

    SFNU - the problem you are having is that you are only 17, and most guys that would love to be with you are in the same situation as you. They are with a bunch of friends who are shallow and simply try to follow the trends society sets them.

    I only say that, because I've been there. I'm almost 20, and I still do it to an extent.

    I'm forced to stare at shallow hooker looking chicks, just so that I'll blend into the crowd. When I secretly fancy the pants of this girl in my computer science lectures. She's had some nasty comments thrown at here because she's pretty smart and the weirdest part is that I really think she is physically attractive, whilst my friends say the exact opposite! And when I do not agree with their comments, they start doing the whole "you fancy her"...which I do!

    She works in my Student union, and I make the effort to go there, just to see her, and I get kinda mad, if she is not working that day :/ (I hope I do not sound like a stalker or something) But I'm pretty much the most shy and boring person you could ever meet.......

    Just my little story
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aww..I wish I could say it will happen, but it's not what you want to hear. And you already know it will.

    But, you all seem lovely enough, and sure of who and what you want. I think when it's least anticipated, love'll smack you in the face. :)

    I wish I could say more, but it's so cliched, like that there, above. :chin: Bah, just..chin up?

    *huggles*

    xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if any lads in yorkshire honestly dont care about looks please let me know.

    Where abouts in yorkshire you from? I've got a few mates that have never had a girlfriend and are looking but seem to be in the same situation as most people that have posted on this thread. May be able to hook you up with one of them. There all a bit shy though so it would be a task.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'm in west yorkshire nearish leeds.

    and even shy lads care about looks. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm in west yorkshire nearish to Leeds. PM me
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Lonely, lovelorn lad...
    Originally posted by Matthew82
    I don't go out looking for a girlfriend, I don't go out and try to pull people, I just hope that I'll meet someone who I get on with, and things will develop from there. But I never do. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong, or if there's something I should be doing that I'm not, but I'm completely stuck.

    There's your problem mate.

    I'm not saying you need to go out and look to pull anyone in sight, and definitely don't go out with the intention of finding a gf, but you have to go out to be able to meet people, and then there's always the chance you'll get chatting and pull a girl.
Sign In or Register to comment.