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Undermining my character
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, in my past, I was nasty, and lots of you know that. So you also know that I have the potential to be nasty.
I have made a big effort to make sure everything I do is on the 'good' side of life, even if it's just innocent things that I could get away with (like stealing a paper on my paperound for myself).
But now, some things are really doing my head in. So in the past, I found it hard making friends, and now at college I have many of the greatest friensd ever. Bar one. Her name is Komal. See, she came from Kenya last year, so she started with no friends or anything. But she met the infamous Laura who befirended her, and she clung to her hard, out of insecurity I believe.
Now anyway, she was nice *enough* to me, but always seemed a bit cold, I thought that was just her way with guys, coming from Kenya she had mainly female friends so probably didn't know how to mingle with guys...
Anyway, last weekend Laura broke up with me, and since, I have noticed actively that she has been trying to get all my new found friends (since going out with Laura). I mean, they are her friends too, but she has been calling me a jerk behind my back (well, I know it's not that bad but it's still not nice) and basically in all of my lessons she has told Laura to sit next to her and not to me. I used to walk home with Laura and Komal, but now Komal apparently wants to speak with Laura alone a bit. I mean, grrrrr. To look at it objectively, I could be getting the wrong end of the stick and it's Laura who doesn't want to spend time with me, which would work seeing as we just broke up. But each and every time I know (because I have heard her ask Laura) that Komal has some force behind it - maybe Laura might have said no if we had not broken up, but the fact remains that it is Komal that is pulling her away from me.
Adele, one of Laura's other friends, has been really supportive, and a big plus side of this is I have got to know her better. The thing is, she has a problem which is similar to this. She feels that Komal won't let Laura spend any time with her.
I don't want to say anything to Laura because Komal will most likely go ballistic, but I'm getting fed up of her. Laura is like the 'center' of our froup if you will, and holds it together, and Komal is withdrawing herself from the rest of the group and clinging onto Laura.
Something in the back of my mind says this may have something to do with Laura breaking up with me but I won't even go there because that is crossing the line over paranoia.
Laura still means a lot to me and I feel I'm losing her as a friend...
I wonder what Komal will do when she goes to a different University from Laura... I swear she is more dependant on her than I was.
It's getting on my nerves and I keepo wanting to get angry, or something. Which would be bad for my character. Her actions and what she says is upsetting me a lot of the time and making me feel angry. My best mate is prepared to get friends on our stage and confront her, but this would lead to a huge argument in our social circle, and I don't want that.
Advice anyone?
I have made a big effort to make sure everything I do is on the 'good' side of life, even if it's just innocent things that I could get away with (like stealing a paper on my paperound for myself).
But now, some things are really doing my head in. So in the past, I found it hard making friends, and now at college I have many of the greatest friensd ever. Bar one. Her name is Komal. See, she came from Kenya last year, so she started with no friends or anything. But she met the infamous Laura who befirended her, and she clung to her hard, out of insecurity I believe.
Now anyway, she was nice *enough* to me, but always seemed a bit cold, I thought that was just her way with guys, coming from Kenya she had mainly female friends so probably didn't know how to mingle with guys...
Anyway, last weekend Laura broke up with me, and since, I have noticed actively that she has been trying to get all my new found friends (since going out with Laura). I mean, they are her friends too, but she has been calling me a jerk behind my back (well, I know it's not that bad but it's still not nice) and basically in all of my lessons she has told Laura to sit next to her and not to me. I used to walk home with Laura and Komal, but now Komal apparently wants to speak with Laura alone a bit. I mean, grrrrr. To look at it objectively, I could be getting the wrong end of the stick and it's Laura who doesn't want to spend time with me, which would work seeing as we just broke up. But each and every time I know (because I have heard her ask Laura) that Komal has some force behind it - maybe Laura might have said no if we had not broken up, but the fact remains that it is Komal that is pulling her away from me.
Adele, one of Laura's other friends, has been really supportive, and a big plus side of this is I have got to know her better. The thing is, she has a problem which is similar to this. She feels that Komal won't let Laura spend any time with her.
I don't want to say anything to Laura because Komal will most likely go ballistic, but I'm getting fed up of her. Laura is like the 'center' of our froup if you will, and holds it together, and Komal is withdrawing herself from the rest of the group and clinging onto Laura.
Something in the back of my mind says this may have something to do with Laura breaking up with me but I won't even go there because that is crossing the line over paranoia.
Laura still means a lot to me and I feel I'm losing her as a friend...
I wonder what Komal will do when she goes to a different University from Laura... I swear she is more dependant on her than I was.
It's getting on my nerves and I keepo wanting to get angry, or something. Which would be bad for my character. Her actions and what she says is upsetting me a lot of the time and making me feel angry. My best mate is prepared to get friends on our stage and confront her, but this would lead to a huge argument in our social circle, and I don't want that.
Advice anyone?
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Comments
And I swear this isn't possible.
Is there anyway that you can arrange a few nights out/events with Laura and your other friends but not invite Komal?
I guess there is always the chance that someone else will invite her but why not arrange some kind of meet-up at your place and then go on somewhere wlse. Deliberately don't invite Komal.
At the same time, treat her with kindness and friendliness but make it clear that you won't be intimidated by her and you have no intention of letting her split your friendships up.
Try not to show her you are affected by this sneaky behaviour.
Is it possible SHE fancies you?
Go directly to Laura in front of Komal and start a conversation with Laura...show Komal that you will keep on making the effort to remain friends with all the people in the group, if she gets wind of teh fact that you are worried she will use it to her advantage.
don't think so somehow....
maybe she fancies Laura
ooh threesome?
but, no she practically hates me i think...
i don't think i've ever laughed at this board so much
and i thought bumble bees could only sting once, haha
while we're on the thought of being nasty...
without being too much of a basturd. but don't you think some people rely on this board too much for advice??
sorry if i offend anyone
and sorry for going well off topic
and because some of us have been there and done that!!
oh i dunno, jus ignore me , i'm all 'teen luved up'
yaaaaaay
It means that if someone is trying to split me up with my friends and I tell my friends that could drive them further away or something so need to tread carefully.
Also I luv u guys!
As for your situation, well its quite hard, but i know exactly where you're coming from. I was in a similar situation a while back, and although difficult, we decided to get it 'out in the open.' Its alot easier said than done, but once you've all had your say and confronted certain people,it lets everyone know where they stand with eachother, and also you can clear up any misunderstandings. Although im sure your group of friends are differnt to mine, so therefore may want to approach things differntly.
Hope it all works out
I mean, I don't know what I would do or where I would go if my 'friendship group' dissolved...
good call.
shyboy, it's only a week, give things time to settle down. laura split up with you because she wanted a break from you i guess. leave her to it.
just repeat the mantra 'i'm better than her' 24/7
ok ive tried but now im fucked. i thought i was over her but im reeling in pain now, emotional pain
tho its quite physical as well
anyway i dont know what to do, and Komal, I think that's just in her nature, we all accused her today of having us as 'backup friends' hehe, though it was lighthearted, but she was like "nnoooo, youre my good frie4nds" anyway I think that situation is under control but now i have to fight off the girls who are trying to find out why im so upset (Laura gave up after two minutes)