Should personality over come all?!

Former Member

Heya,
Here's the deal, can you be attracted to someone for their personality and the way you get on so well, yet still in the back of your mind think "well, they aren't much to look at in the face..."??
Shallow, i KNOW but its just something thats preventing me from taking it any further! :rolleyes:
I dont get it, this isnt me! I'm always complimented on the fact that i dont base anything on looks so why's this occasion so different?
Is it a way of telling myself psychologically that i dont really want him?
You tell me!
- Lady T

Former Member

In a relationship there has to be some level of mutual attraction. It isn't shallow to expect yourself to be physically attracted to a partner.

Sometimes physical attraction can come after you get to know one another. Someone can be good looking but you don't find yourself attracted to them, but once you know them it sort of *appears*.

In your case it really does sound like you haven't become attracted to this bloke.

Don't worry, I don't think you are being shallow. I am hardly the nicest looking person in the world and sometimes wonder what my boyfriend sees in me (he has no taste, lol) so I feel I am qualified to say this. I think a healthy relationship needs physical attraction - otherwise there is a permanent barrier between you.

Former Member

Hmmm...when I was at sixth form, I used to be very friendly with this guy - he was slightly overweight and generally wasn't sexy at all

But after getting to know him, I found that we were just soooo similar and he was truly a great guy and started to look at him differently - never did anything about it however as I didn't wasnt to ruin the friendship but even if I see him now, I know he's not very sexy, but he is to me....if you know what I mean?!:)

Former Member

i agree with Bumblebee... we're all told that looks shouldnt count and its personality that matters.. and it does. But no matter how amazing somebodys personality is without finding each other mutually attractive ud be little more than really great friends. But then i also think somebody might not be much to look at, but in knowing them and loving their personality you see them in a more attractive light... it works that way with me, i dont know if its the same for others tho!!

Former Member

ooh candy didnt see ur message.. i agree with you!

Former Member

Yeh this is probably a really common thing, I think personality is more important than looks, but there needs to be a bit of physical attraction really! Sometimes I think the more you fall in love with someones personality their looks grow on you.

Former Member

you can be very attracted to someone's personality and it's a very important part of any relationship but like bumblebee said there does have to be that certain something extra...otherwise it's a lot more like a friendship than a relationship. maybe you're starting to question the person's physical attractiveness because you consider them to be someone that very possibly could be the 'right' person for you. (?)
The Silly String

Former Member

BLAH BLAH BLAH

TUT TUT Lady T.....
well you know he wants you come on its obvious and well you said you wanted a new bloke, well here is your chance i mean if people only thought about looks i mean none of us would get dates there is always something thats gonna turn you off some1, and i kno u aint like that usually and that u would not give looks a 2nd glance coz i kno it dont matter to you, but i think you just trying to subconciously find something wrong with him so you dont have to subject your self to a relationship :P but you know what i think and i say just go for it it mite make you happy in the long run
(for those who dont kno wtf im chattin about i know her tis fine)

Beastie
"Put Your Right BeZ In...
Your Right BeZ Out...
In.. Out.. In.. Out..
BeZ It All About!"

Former Member

Re: BLAH BLAH BLAH

Originally posted by Mrmint666
well here is your chance i mean if people only thought about looks i mean none of us would get dates

She is not only thinking about looks is she? No. She has said that this person is a very very nice person, which to me indicates she has looked further than looks.

However, you NEED a combination of the two for a relationship to work in the long term.

Former Member

i mean looks, what defines looks?
instant attraction? the beauty within?

i have been with one girl who wasn't quite the classic art portrait,
and without any doubt she is my biggest regret. she used me :crying: :crying: (it wasn't jus cus of looks, there were other factors)

not that we were ever really bf/gf but we did a certain deed
and if i'm honest its cus i had no confidence and didn't think i was capable of gettin a girl i was attracted to..

oh how i was wrong!! ever since then i've havn't had a girl who isn't hot and jealously inducing. hehe

i see looks as well important, of course you gotta be attracted to them. but what i will point out is..

humans do not have an instruction manuel, what works for one person in a situation like this is not universal

its how YOU see the situation!

Former Member

Re: Should personality over come all?!

Originally posted by LadyT
Heya,
Here's the deal, can you be attracted to someone for their personality and the way you get on so well, yet still in the back of your mind think "well, they aren't much to look at in the face..."??
Shallow, i KNOW but its just something thats preventing me from taking it any further! :rolleyes:
I dont get it, this isnt me! I'm always complimented on the fact that i dont base anything on looks so why's this occasion so different?
Is it a way of telling myself psychologically that i dont really want him?
You tell me!
- Lady T

It's a mixture of both really.

I reckon that it's looks with first attract you to someone.

Former Member

Wirtten by someone else not BumbleBee

I know you'll probably hate yourself for being 'shallow' but don't. It does sound awful but the other option is to get involved with this guy, and then think 'oh no ... actually I don't want to be in a relationship with you after all' ... and despite the fact you KNOW it shouldn't matter, it will niggle you to the point where you don't notice how lovely a person he is, and you might constantly think about ending it with him. That would not only be unfair on you but also on this guy and you could end up losing a good friend.

OK that's probably the worst case scenario but I don't think you should risk that happening for the sake of being a good person.

Am I just pessimistic?

Former Member

Originally posted by BumbleBee
I know you'll probably hate yourself for being 'shallow' but don't. It does sound awful but the other option is to get involved with this guy, and then think 'oh no ... actually I don't want to be in a relationship with you after all' ... and despite the fact you KNOW it shouldn't matter, it will niggle you to the point where you don't notice how lovely a person he is, and you might constantly think about ending it with him. That would not only be unfair on you but also on this guy and you could end up losing a good friend.

OK that's probably the worst case scenario but I don't think you should risk that happening for the sake of being a good person.

Am I just pessimistic?

I did not write this. Can the person who is logged in as me (seemingly at the same time I am logged in as myself) please LOG OUT NOW

Former Member

Should personality overcome all?

OK how the hell did that happen? I am not BumbleBee. I did not log in as BumbleBee. I am the Worrier. I am not an imposter. Apologies to Bumblebee.

Former Member

Re: Should personality overcome all?

Originally posted by The Worrier
OK how the hell did that happen? I am not BumbleBee. I did not log in as BumbleBee. I am the Worrier. I am not an imposter. Apologies to Bumblebee.

Apology accepted! Meep!