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What would you do if YOU were the cheater?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Picture this scenario -
You have found the love of your life. You do truly love them and wouldn't ever do a thing to hurt them.
You go out to a party without them and drink so much that it becomes one of those "Can't remember everything nights". However, you do remember that somebody came onto you and without thinking you snogged them. You immediately regretted it and felt sick to your stomach.
You are love your partner so much and see them as the person you want to marry. Neither of you have cheated beforehand.
What would be your next step?
Forget it ever happened and don't let it happen again. Mistakes happen and you are being punished by having to live with the guilt? They won't ever know it happened and if things do work out for the best you are going to make them very happy for life.
Tell your partner you did it, hurting them deeply in the process, possibly ending your relationship or driving them to seek revenge on you? You could damage their emotions and destroy their life and trust for years to come.
Something else?
Could you marry someone knowing that you had cheated or lied to them or they have to you?
You have found the love of your life. You do truly love them and wouldn't ever do a thing to hurt them.
You go out to a party without them and drink so much that it becomes one of those "Can't remember everything nights". However, you do remember that somebody came onto you and without thinking you snogged them. You immediately regretted it and felt sick to your stomach.
You are love your partner so much and see them as the person you want to marry. Neither of you have cheated beforehand.
What would be your next step?
Forget it ever happened and don't let it happen again. Mistakes happen and you are being punished by having to live with the guilt? They won't ever know it happened and if things do work out for the best you are going to make them very happy for life.
Tell your partner you did it, hurting them deeply in the process, possibly ending your relationship or driving them to seek revenge on you? You could damage their emotions and destroy their life and trust for years to come.
Something else?
Could you marry someone knowing that you had cheated or lied to them or they have to you?
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Comments
If your relationship really is that serious i dont think you should be getting into the habit of keeping secrets. Secrets arent good!
Surely you would want to know if she had done the same thing? By the sounds of it you really do regret it and hopefully she wil be able to see that.
My bf has always said that if he kept a secret from me like that he wouldnt be able to look at me straight in the eye! Bless him!
I suppose in a way I wasn't completely honest why me and Andy split up....One reason I had tried desparately to forget and obviosuly it had worked.
In the first month I was with him, I was completely screwed up in my head, a complete bitch and basically, although I never cheated on him I as good as did, in front of his face.
To set the scene, out clubbing, me and my mate on the dance floor, Andy and his mate sat down. We were dancing in front of the podium dancers and me being a flirt, when he took his top of grabbed it and started dancing with him. Anyway to cut a long story short, we chatted and swapped numbers later in the night. I never got off with him or did anything past dancing with him, but it was enough to lose Andy's trust for the rest of the rel.
In all honesty that had a lot to do with why the two of us split. Along with the other reasons I gave you before.
It all depends on the sort of person she is. If she's the jealous, or untrusting type I'd keep quiet. If you think she'l understand it's a drunken mistake and you are truely sorry for it then tell her, be honest and get it off your chest. I know I'd appreciate knowing if my b/f cheated on me, although I might not be very trusting if he was out on his own again.
If they dump me at least I’ve been honest
I don’t like guilt!
:crazyeyes :crazyeyes :crazyeyes
:yes: Same here
what good girlies we are! :angel:
1) It was a mistake.
2) It doesn't mean anything.
3) It WILL cause pain.
4) It COULD end a GOOD thing.
5) Why should the innocent party get put through the pain. The cheater should suffer a lifetime of guilt for their mistake.
I dont think thats true, I'm 22 and have never ever been unfaithful. I've been in a relationship for nearly 3 years and have had plenty of opportunities to pull other guys when me & my boyf haven't been getting on very well but I have never wanted to. I'm sure that a time may come when I may be tempted to do it, but I know I never would.
I suppose it depends on the situation what you'd do about it, but I don't think it'd be an easy thing to keep quiet if you really loved your girlf!
Surely if you love your partner you should be willing to live with the guilt of your MISTAKE and not put your partner through the pain. It would be easy to get it off your chest to make yourself feel better.
Ditto. I would tell them - if I've done something I should have to live with the consequences. However drunk I was.
(I'm a bad girl and deserve to be punished....)
Well then, step into my office litttle lady
THE HEADMASTERS OFFICE
I dont agree. I'd say to my boyf that if he loved me then he'd be honest with me. I don't really see how you can cheat on your partner and then lie to them aswell if you really love them. Maybe it just comes down to whether you do really love them or not?
You are perfectly happy and in love. So is he.
He goes out and gets hammered and without thinking snogs another girl.
He tells you - You get upset. You experience emotional pain and your great relationship possibly comes to an end over 1 mistake.
He doesn't tell you - You carry on as you were, both in love and very happy. He has to live with the guilt - Payback for the mistake he made.
...then you find out years down the line, when you're even more deeply committed to the relationship. You can't believe he betrayed you by a) snogging someone else & b) not having the guts to tell you about it. Your whole world is blown apart & the man you loved & trusted is not who you thought he was. Therefore you get rid of him & both experience deep emotional hurt which could have easily been avoided if he'd been straight in the first place.
Plus i'm assuming the event can go without being found out at a later date.
Heeeooouuuuge assumtions to make - especially the second one.
Sounds to me like you're just trying to justify not telling her.
You said they were assumptions!!
:mad:
:yes: exactly what I was thinking!
If my boyf cheated on me I would want to know. I wouldn't want to carry on with a relationship with anyone who was lying to me about something like that. If he was honest then in time I *might* forgive him, but if I ever found out that he had cheated on me and never told me I would never forgive him!
Now though even though you love this girl you are questioning weather to tell her or not:rolleyes: so if this girl eveer finds out then shes going to feel completely humileated!and shes going to hate you even more for it!
Put yourself in her shoes, what would you prefer? to be LIED to or to be told the truth, no matter how painful it may be.
She deserves to know and if you loved her that much you wouldnt be in this position.
Hope she forgives you:)
It makes you loose your inhibitions, but it would not make you do something that by your own nature you wouldnt do.
I was felt up during a christmas party by a guy, who was, well rather nice, I was pissed out of my tree and quite happy with a nice spliff, but did I think, wo, Im on to a good thing here I could get a snog from mr lush? No. He got a slap. Had I been single I would have dragged him off for a quickie.
And yes I told my b/f who dealt with it:D
No excuses for snogging, groping or shagging another in my opinion. And I feel the partner has the right to know exactly what sort of a person they are in a relationship with, let them decide where it goes from here..
If that destroys the relationship, well you should have thought about that before snogging another.
at the end of the day, its was a snog with some random, you had, had a skinful, get over your guilt and carry on the way you were.
let us know what you do in the end. good luck!
LOL But if he never told you, how would you know he didnt make a habit of it!?:rolleyes:
Do you keep everything on a 'need to know' basis or just things that might cause problems for you?
Been there, done this, it doesnt work!! It hurts so much more when the truth comes out, Sir Cum, you say it never would but you cant be 100% sure, my b/f thought Id never find out about his secret goings on over the years, but he was so wrong. (I know alot more about him than he thinks I do, and he gets verbal diahorrea when heavily stoned!)
TRUE!
You`ve got the right idea, as long as the situation is not repeated.
i agree, but if he truly regrets it then he wont do it again so its not like he has lots of secret goings on to be caught out with. i think you can allow yourself 1 mistake in this case, it probably only lasted a couple of seconds, it wasnt an affair or even sex. never tell anyone what u did and try not to think about it, you will forget soon enough, so she wont be able to find out. i wouldnt normally say keeps things quiet that directly involves the person but as it was only a kiss, it wasnt your true feelings, you have no doubts in your relationship, and under the influence of alcohol,then to me it would only cause problems by mentioning it.