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Cheney Admits vast holdings in duct tape and plastic sheeting.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
This is another parody of the news. In the US, some part of some huge document was leaked to the public last week and people started buying duct tape and plastic sheeting against bio terrorism.


No Conflict of Interest, Veep Claims

A potentially embarrassing bombshell hit the Bush Administration today as it was revealed that Vice President Dick Cheney controls a company that has virtually cornered the world market in duct tape and plastic sheeting.

The company, GloboWrapCorp, currently sells between ninety-seven and ninety-eight percent of all of the duct tape and plastic sheeting in the world, according to most estimates.

While Mr. Cheney’s ties to the oil services company Halliburton raised some eyebrows during the 2000 campaign, his investment in the multinational duct tape/plastic sheeting concern went almost entirely unnoticed.

But with recent calls from government officials urging the public to stock up on duct tape and plastic sheeting, lawmakers on Capitol Hill today raised pointed questions about Mr. Cheney’s control of what amounts to a global duct tape/plastic sheeting monopoly.

“According to information provided to me, almost every dollar spent on duct tape or plastic sheeting goes directly into Dick Cheney’s pocket,” said Democratic leader Tom Daschle. “If that’s not a conflict of interest, then I’m Jennifer Aniston.”

While Vice President Cheney released a brief statement disavowing any conflict of interest, Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge came under renewed pressure to explain precisely how duct tape and plastic sheeting could be used in the war against terror.

“If you see someone you suspect is a terrorist, sneak up behind him and wrap him tightly in duct tape or plastic sheeting,” Mr. Ridge said. “This is a simple thing each and every one of us can do.”
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