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Valentines Card ideas (Absolute filth)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
*Some are very bad, but some are good as jokes in Txt's!*

Girls, its that time of year where we are supposed to be lovey dovey with the missus, buy her chocolates, roses, whatever, to show her how much you care. Basically, lets be honest here, all we want is for her to get down on her knees in her tackle right.

Naturally, they also expect a card, but this is where it can go all horribly wrong. They want more than `to my princess, lots of love` bullshit. They want something from the great bard himself. This is where most of us will come upshort on romance.

Therefore with my years of experience of sweettalking and wooing the opposite sex I have composed a few verses to ad
to those love letters to guarantee you scoring a shag each time..

Roses are dirty
Violets have fleas
Peel back my skin
And lick off my cheese

Roses are straight
Violets are twisted
Bend over love
You're about to get fisted

Roses are crap
Violets are wanky
Oooh I've just come
Pass me a hanky

Roses are stupid
Violets are silly
Grease up your flaps
Cos here comes my willy

Roses are awful
Violets are the pits
Lift up your shirt
And show us your tits

Roses are crap
Violets are shit
Sit on my face
And wiggle a bit

Roses make me laugh
Violets make me titter
You're a dirty bitch
And you love it up the shitter

Roses are red
When in reality
Sleeping with girls
Don't beat beastiality

Roses are red
But I like Carnations
You're so crap in bed
That I fucked your alsation

Roses are red
It's elementary
Let's ring up a friend
And try double entry

Roses are red
Violets are finer
Chickens are fowl
Just like your vagina

Roses are red
Skidmarks are brown
Give us a blow job
And swallow it down

Roses are groovy
Violets are funky
I'm thinking of you
And spanking my monkey

Comments

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmm ok

    a little sick i suppose have u sent them to anybody?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh yes, they`re pure class *ahem*

    Heres my offerings.


    Love may be beautiful,love may be bliss
    but I only slept with you because I was pissed


    I thought that I could love no other
    Until, that is, I met your brother


    Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
    But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.


    Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
    This describes everything you are not.


    I want to feel your sweet embrace
    But don't take that paper bag off of your face


    I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
    Damn, I'm good at telling lies!


    My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
    Marrying you screwed up my life


    I see your face when I am dreaming
    That's why I always wake up screaming


    My love you take my breath away
    What have you stepped in to smell this way


    My feelings for you no words can tell
    Except for maybe "go to hell"


    What inspired this amorous rhyme?
    Two parts vodka, one part lime
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Char_Baby
    hmm ok

    a little sick i suppose have u sent them to anybody?

    Just my gf..... i think they may have made her cry;) :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    very amusing indeed :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :lol: like it
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    has anyone got any texts that are not too dirty that you can send to someone of the opposite sex to well tease them?!;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :lol: Gawd you made me laugh! ;):D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Roses make me laugh
    Violets make me titter
    You're a dirty bitch
    And you love it up the shitter


    Ladies and gentlemen we have a winnner!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Something similar to what I've been doing all day :D only mine are hand drawn :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh poor poor LacyMay...You poor girl, how do you put up with it?:D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    cute!!!! (wlel not cute cute but you know what i mean) very original....
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by jellygirl
    Oh poor poor LacyMay...You poor girl, how do you put up with it?:D

    It or him!? :lol:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by LacyMay


    It or him!? :lol:

    I'm not an It!:p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Harmless


    I'm not an It!:p

    No. Your a 'thing' :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Slayer_Pantera
    Something similar to what I've been doing all day :D only mine are hand drawn :)

    LOL!!! Dude, now that was brilliant!! ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by PositivePain


    LOL!!! Dude, now that was brilliant!! ;)

    yay someone likes them :D

    you see my thread with the other ones I made? hehe More BOOTIFUL cards
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