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They rape you, mess up your life, then wont leave you alone, why?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I went out with this guy who cheated on me, messed me around and raped me when i was 15 for 2 and a half years. He raped me when i was 15 and kept doing it and he told me no one would believe me cos he was going out with me. Then one day he just moved to Doncaster and didn't tell me, after 2 and a half years he just left and didnt let me know. He came back about a month ago but whilst he was still away i got over him and realised what he did to me was very very wrong. He came back and contacted me straight away saying he was really sorry, etc. But i wouldnt forgive him and told him to leave me alone. I told him he was a freak and if he didn't leave me alone I'd go to the police then he started phoning and texting me all the time. Then when i said i'd phone the police again he didn't phone for about 2 weeks. He just phoned me again. He said he just wants to see how I am. I told him to fuck off and hung up then collapsed crying and now i'm shaking so much. Its not that i'm scared of him as such it's just that i want him to leave me alone. I get nightmares of him raping me and i wanna kill myself sometimes cos I can't believe i stuck with him for all that time. I can't stop crying, every time I start to get over all of this the phone rings, what shall I do? I don't really wanna go to the police cos its too much for me.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Change your Mob Number and do what J said.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you not got anyone close to you that you could confide with in person? You shouldn't have to deal with this on your own.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you think he's doing it to upset you on purpose, as if he's getting some sort of kick out of causing you the stress, as if he's got some form of control over you? Was he ever the control freak type?

    Mr_Wobble ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe your only option is to go to the police. Sure you can change your phone number and things will be ok for a while, but will he really leave you alone after that? Because you know what he did was really wrong, maybe the only solution is to go to the police and get it sorted once and for all and allow yourself to get on with the rest of your life. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well firstly i think you should calm down, and sit back for a minute, if the phone rings just let it ring off! call a friend and meet them or invite them round? you need someone with you, its a big issue and i dont think you should deal with it by yourself.
    If he rings again i think you should go to the police and tell them he is bothering you like j said, but about the rape bit? i dont think you should go to the police as it was 3years ago that he did it and nothing would come of it as it would be hard to prove your point in court, and i think it would stress you out more! but i do advise that you tell some one about it if you havent already! and maybe talk to someone professionally to get it all off your chest.

    Hope it all goes to plan:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the phone company can stop him calling you if he is being a pest.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This must be truly awful for you. (((HUGS)))
    I can understand you not wanting the police involved, and it being such a long time ago, unless he admitted the crime you wouldnt have much hope of prosecuting him.
    You could get a solicitor to write him a warning letter though. I had a stalker a few years back (no joke) who would follow me, smashed up my car and even got my phone number and address and would ring me 3 times a day, it wasnt an experience Id want to repeat.
    I went to a solicitor and as I knew who this person was, got a letter sent basically warning them to leave me alone or I would take action against them through the courts. It cost me £25 but it was money well spent.
    Some solicitors do a free consultation so they could hear you out and then advise you on your best course of action, it could be worth a try as he is so persistant.
    I hope that you find a way to deal with this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have got to move on. Firstly if he phones you answer him and tell him NOT to phone you again, tell him youre not interested end of story. If he tries to phone you again just dont answer the phone, any withheld numbers also dont answer the phone, if the withheld number is him he will soon get sick.

    Then you need to get over the abuse you received off him. At this moment he still has control over you and you have to stop it somewhere, which could be talking your past through and realising he was at fault here, you were not to blame for his behaviour. While he is still in any form of contact with you means that you probably will not be able to put it all behind you. Just loose all contact with him and try to get over whats happened in the past:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey jellygirl
    Here are a couple of articles you might find useful:

    Textual harrassment

    Sexual assault

    I really would consider calling the police and/ or Rape Crisis
    Referral to local centres for women who have been sexually abused or raped.
    Telephone: 0115 9348474

    Take Care,

    Susie
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: They rape you, mess up your life, then wont leave you alone, why?
    Originally posted by jellygirl
    I went out with this guy who cheated on me, messed me around and raped me when i was 15 for 2 and a half years. He raped me when i was 15 and kept doing it and he told me no one would believe me cos he was going out with me. Then one day he just moved to Doncaster and didn't tell me, after 2 and a half years he just left and didnt let me know. He came back about a month ago but whilst he was still away i got over him and realised what he did to me was very very wrong. He came back and contacted me straight away saying he was really sorry, etc. But i wouldnt forgive him and told him to leave me alone. I told him he was a freak and if he didn't leave me alone I'd go to the police then he started phoning and texting me all the time. Then when i said i'd phone the police again he didn't phone for about 2 weeks. He just phoned me again. He said he just wants to see how I am. I told him to fuck off and hung up then collapsed crying and now i'm shaking so much. Its not that i'm scared of him as such it's just that i want him to leave me alone. I get nightmares of him raping me and i wanna kill myself sometimes cos I can't believe i stuck with him for all that time. I can't stop crying, every time I start to get over all of this the phone rings, what shall I do? I don't really wanna go to the police cos its too much for me.

    Did he rape you for 2 and a half years? I don't understand really....You need to keep out of this blokes way, change your number. Don't ever threaten to go to the police....go ahead and do it, Each time you say you will and then don't he is gaining more power. How do you know he won't terrorise you again because he knows you wont do anything about it.

    I'm surprised you went out with him for so long after he cheated on you let alone raped you!! Or are you talking statutory rape?

    You need to take control...start of by gerring intouch with Rape crisis or a similar organisation.

    PS - you should go to the police, he may attack someone else
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