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How many students to change a lightbulb? (joke)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
How Many Students Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb At:

Aberystwyth: None - Most of them are still sleeping in the basketball court
following housing shortages.

St. Andrews: Three - One to call the butler and two to arrange a tailor in
Rome to design and make new suits for the special occasion. If a light bulb
in a major building blows then increase to 27 to allow for a brass band
playing the last post and five Sun reporters. The following day's Sun will
contain something along the lines of "Will's Pals in Blown Bulb Horror".

Aston: None - And stay down, they shoot at the lights, that's why the last
one went.

Bath: Seven - Five to form a radical new initiative called 'TeamBulb Focus',
one to make a public announcement stating "A successful environment is not
about pushing yourself to the absolute limit" and one to change the light
bulb before it's actually blown.

Birmingham: Nine - One to steal a new bulb from the back of a shop, two for
the wheelmen and six to go and shoot out all the light bulbs in some Aston
student houses.

Cambridge: Three - one to mix the martinis, one to call the electrician and
one to call daddy to pay his bill.

Coventry: Two - One to take the bulb out and another to glass a random
stranger's face with it.

DeMontfort: Seven - Two to change the bulb and five to write an interpretive
modern drama about the experience.

Glasgow: None of your fucking business!

Imperial: Eight - It's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just
that they're all violently twitching from too much stress to achieve
coordinated movement.

Leeds: Three - One to change it and two to find a way to get high off the
old bulb. (my uni - tut tut)

Leicester: Four - One to change the bulb and three to complain bitterly that
it wouldn't have been allowed to happen at Oxbridge, so please give us some
funding. Please.

Liverpool: Only one, but he gets 10 course credits for doing it.

LSE: Eighty Four - As follows:
2 People - Preliminary discussion of concept change.
1 Person - Devise and write formal bulb architecture.
2 People - Feasibility study and timetable of events.
2 People - Research existing business methods used throughout the
illuminations industry.
1 Person - Maintain ISO standards throughout the analysis.
4 People - Commonality task force on bulb change.
15 People - Change bulb.
5 People - Perform bulb functional test.
2 People - Perform bulb load test.
3 People - Perform bulb financial value regression test.
1 Person - Perform bulb performance analysis.
1 Person - Perform bulb bottleneck analysis.
1 Person - Follow-up study (bulb merge feasibility).
1 Person - Report to Utilities Commission.
1 Person - Research from accepted user database. (Did they want
incandescent when we only supply non-tunable fluorescent point product?)
5 People - Perform full compatibility/architecture study.
3 People - Ensure form (round/square, clear/frosted) follows function
(wattage, 120/240 volts, visible/ultraviolet, flashing, flood/spot).
3 People - Implement temporary alternative bulb socket for already (!?)
existing, successful, and profitable socket (bulb-in-one).
5 People - Determine how to market/package/distribute temporary
alternative bulb socket.
10 People - Determine how to perform bulb change product split
1 Person - Interface with Utilities Commission quality assurance group.
1 Person - Interview local distribution centres to obtain statistics on
light bulb usage around London.
1 Person - Set up BPR (Bulb Problem Reports) system.
1 Person - Review problems with BPR system.
11 People - Write a full report justifying the expenses outlined above, and
explaining how the six month lead time on research delivery was marginally
less than expected.
1 Person - Receive all credit for entire activity and also huge grant from
local businesses. This person has to be a lecturer or post-grad.

Newcastle: Eight - One to find a red 'Fireglow' bulb, one to mount it near
the window and the other six to wait inside.

Oxford: An entire college house, but only one of them is sober enough to
figure out what to do with it, and he subsequently is cellophane-wrapped
naked to a street lamp.

Oxford Brookes: Five - One to take the bulb out and four to stick their
fingers in the socket.

Paisley: Between three and ten, depending on how far through the term it is,
to club together their remaining funds to purchase a new light bulb.

Plymouth: Six - One to change it and five to campaign to make light bulb
changing a new degree subject.

Pontypridd: Ten - One to buy the light bulb and nine to petition for
the eventual electrification of Pontypridd.

Reading: Three - One to pull the bulb out and two to complain when the
socket and ceiling come down with it through dry rot.

UCL: Two - One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it
as well as an Oxbridge student.

UMIST: Five - One to design a nuclear powered light bulb that never needs
changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Greater Manchester
using said light bulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer
program that controls the wall switch.

University of North London: Nobody knows - the light bulbs stay there longer
than the students.

Warwick: Seventy Six - One to change the light bulb, fifty to protest the
light bulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter protest
allowing for permissible change in light bulbs, as long as the light bulbs
accept it.

York: Three - One to change the bulb and one to check his maths coursework.



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