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Mum V's Anne.....

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My mum just sent me this email...........

......but it makes for interesting reading (I hope)

Today I went for an audition for the Weakest Link. It must have been Gremlins that led me onto their website, and followed the link for the application form. Outside forces must have clicked the “print” button, and I have no idea who filled out the application form or posted it off … would I lie to you? I told nobody until last week when ***** was visiting for a night and the dreaded programme came on. A conversation sprang up about what sort of people would apply to go on and thinking that six or seven weeks had gone by since the Gremlins posted the application and no knock on the door from Anne … I decided to fess all to ***** and ******. The VERY NEXT DAY the programme telephoned me to go for the audition. Now do you see what I mean about outside forces?

So .. Today I went to Shepherd's Bush, home of the Beeb. Journeys are something of a disaster for me. I had to be there at 2.45 so I thought if I caught a train around mid-day that would get me into Euston before 1.00pm, ergo loads of time for lunch and getting to Shepherd’s Bush. The thing is, those of us outside London are not as au fait with the Tube goings on as those who rely on it. Yes, I had heard about the accident on the Central Line earlier this week and yes, I had totally forgotten it. The upshot was that I took a mistaken turn on the tube and had to retrace my steps and I arrived lunchless about 5 minutes late and breathless and overtipping the cabby for getting me there so quickly. I needn’t have worried. We were kept waiting for ages anyway.

There were 8 of us. All women. Apparently there are a lot of men out there who are either egotistical or masochists because they are flooded with male applicants and they need women desperately. A grumpy (male) receptionist showed me into a room where 7 other women sat around a table in silence; a couple of them engrossed in newspapers or books. They glanced up at me and then away. NOBODY SPOKE. So I said “Hello everyone”. After about 5 minutes we had a good chat going. They were a nice bunch.

Eventually we were called in and we had the ropes explained to us. We were told that Anne has licence to be even nastier in the next series. But I wondered how that could be? I have heard her call people fat, stupid, boring, old … what else can she say? We were also told that we would NEVER EVER get the better of her whatever we said and I wondered “Errr…. Is she not human? Or are we talking editing here?” But I said none of this of course. Apparently they interview thousands up and down the country, then they draw up a shortlist. If you are on the shortlist you will hear within 4 weeks. If not, you hear nothing at all. A day’s holiday from work, a 6 hour round trip in the snow, a £30 train fare … and they cant expend 27p on a stamp (if that’s what it costs … I have been posting my letters from work ever since a stamp went up from 6d to 7d) Anyway… if you DO get shortlisted, you might not hear for several more months, then they might or night not ring you to tell you that you might or might not be needed tomorrow, and even if you get that far, they book more people than they need for the show so even though you might get as far as make-up, there is no guarantee. Actually, with my job, I don’t think I would be in a position to go all the way even if I do get shortlisted.

The first thing we had to do was fill in a general knowledge written test. I got 16 out of 20, having ignored one pop music and two sports questions and got another just … well … wrong. My next door neighbour got 19 out of 20. I think she was a pop music and sports expert and just copied the rest from me. I DID get the “What is the currency of Italy” one right by putting Euro instead of Lira. That’s one up on those who knew what Gabriella sang!

Then we had to step up and talk for one minute about ourselves on film. I did it without hesitation, repetition or whatever else it is that you’re not supposed to do. I think I fidgeted a bit though!

Then …. We played the GAME. I passed on my very first question (a sports one) and panicked on the second and got it wrong (I knew the bloody answers to BOTH of them) but I got the next two right and when it came to the vote, loads of us had two wrong and only one person voted for me. Bloody hell, it taught me something. It is a panicky situation! I don’t think I could do it for real! There wasn’t even any Anne! The lady conducting the thing tried but she was really nice.

Then we retired to the waiting room again and were called in one by one to be auditioned … standing in the middle of the room being filmed. I said of course I wouldn’t mind being called a fat old moron by Anne, of course I wouldn’t punch her lights out, of course I wouldn’t vote off the strongest link. All the while I am thinking, “Why am I trying to impress? … I seriously would hate to do this for real!”

A quick Polaroid, another form to fill in and I was free. Free to venture out into blizzard struck London. It was coming down like someone had shaken one of those paperweights. Two steps out into the blizzard told me that the boots I was wearing were for decorative purposes, not for alpine strolling. The snow seeped in. At first I thought it wasn’t too bad, a little wet maybe, that was all.

Of course my wet cold feet began to freeze. The wrong sort of snow was obviously on the lines again. The journey home was almost three hours. All I could think about was my toes turning black and having to be amputated tomorrow.

It all ended happily ever after when I entered my house and felt it cuddle me. When I got the wet boots and tights off. When I was snuggled in front of the TV with hot chocolate laced with brandy and Eastenders and the true belief that I will not be encountering Anne. (And if I do ... You lot aint gonna know about it …LOL)


I reckon my mum could give Anne a run for her money !
:yes: :hyper:


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