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Open relationships and polyamory

http://www.thesite.org/magazine/sex_and_relationships/open_relationships.html

We have a quality new article live on TheSite.org.

What are your personal views on the subject of open relationships? Is it a natural state for humans? Is it morally wrong? Or is it just too damn complicated to work?


Let's have some quality debate in the Sex forums today!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When you look at how our natural impulses work, in theory it makes sense that men would want to have many partners - to 'spread there seed' if you will, and woman would want one partner as she would be bringing up the 'young'.

    However, I think that after many millennia of evolution, we have to recognise that we have broken our primal programming and we are (or should be) governed by the ethic and morality that as a society we have accepted. So no men, you do not have the excuse 'my primal urges made me do it'. If that were the case then whenever women were 'in heat' men would be humping them on street corners etc... <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    And we certainly don't accept the idea that men should wander about impregnating women left right and centre, not only could the economy not support that but we (rightly) place so much importance on the nuclear family that it would not be fair on the child.

    People say that it's all about an individual relationship choice, but personally I believe that in a strong healthy relationship there should be no need to look outside of it for fulfilment of any kind.

    Open relationships always relate to the sexual side and the fact that 'it's not important', as if in someway the fact that you are sharing one of the most intimate parts of you with someone who isn't your partner can be written of as 'just' sex and has no bearing on the relationship. If that is true then I think that is really sad for them. Sex should never be 'just' sex and if is then you're not doing it properly!

    The thing that makes the relationship you have with your partner different from any other is what you share between you that no one else does. If you can get that from any number of other people then what's the point?

    Also, keeping one relationship healthy needs an incredible amount of dedication and work, personally I feel there is only enough of me do that with one person. There is such a thing as spreading yourself too thin.

    However, none of this really matters because for me, when it comes down to it, I shouldn't, wouldn't and couldn't do it to my boyfriend whatever he said and the idea of my boyfriend ever being with any one else is gut wrenching horrific I could never even begin to contemplate an open relationship.

    He's all mine - that's the whole idea!
    <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not an option. I'm a single woman man, me. <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In my opinion open relationships are just a males way of running away from commitment. I mean,how many females want an open relationship to the ratio of males? There is no question about it,it is mostly men who want them. If a person is going to cheat then they obviously have a problem in their "real" relationship that they need to sort out. The same goes for people that want an open relationship,they are running away from a problem in their relationship. If they actually felt secure and loved in their relationship then they wouldn't feel the need to sleep with anyone else. Just my opinion. What does everyone else think?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    having a relationship with two people at once just shows that you love neither of the people you're with.
    I could never do it.

    <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think that if your in a loving relationship...you should not have an open relationship b/c it would show that u dont love your partner

    however...if you're just fooling around i dont see why open relationships are so bad. i suppose it depends on the person as to whether or not they can take it (understand it).

    if i was in a serious relationship i wouldnt go open...if not, then i might <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But, men are biologically preprogrammed to shag as many women as possible. Or at least to be having sex. The nuclear family isn't natural at all.

    it is natural for the woman maybe, but the sole purpose of a man is to defend, and propogate. I'm not saying I do this, and society/ethics/morality do determine what we do to an extent.
    But, how do you explain one night stands? Single guys, going out shagging as many women as posible.
    Why bother when they can have one girlfriend and shag her constantly?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Waste of time, open relationsahips just end in tears when one of them fall for the other in a big way, nothin but heartache all round, not worth it, stick to the one!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sorry this is a stupid question but, is an open relationship the same thing as c-ing someone?
    <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    U ONLY LIVE ONCE SO U MITE AS WELL HAVE THE FUN WHEN U CAN, AS LONG AS UR CAREFUL AND NOT STUPID, I CANT C A PROBLEM!!!!!
    JUST BE CAREFUL!!!!!!!!
    XXX <IMG SRC="rolleyes.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    back in celtic britain before the roman invasion the whole society used to have open relationships.

    what would happen is a man and woman would get 'married' or a similar thing and have children together and the man and woman could sleep with other member of the community possible even live with them (im not sure on that point) but all the children the woman had would be the children of the first man whether or not he was the father.

    i wonder it the romans hadn't come along and intrduce their view and chritianity not become prevalent if that would still be happening today.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    open relationships are very STD risking.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Whowhere:
    <STRONG>But, men are biologically preprogrammed to shag as many women as possible. Or at least to be having sex. The nuclear family isn't natural at all.

    it is natural for the woman maybe, but the sole purpose of a man is to defend, and propogate. I'm not saying I do this, and society/ethics/morality do determine what we do to an extent.
    But, how do you explain one night stands? Single guys, going out shagging as many women as posible.
    Why bother when they can have one girlfriend and shag her constantly?</STRONG>

    But isn't what you are talking about a different thing. Fine if a man (Or woman) wants to go and shag a different person every night but in that case don't make promises to one person (Promises of commitment) and then dash off and sleep with other people.

    I'm sure open relationships could work if both people in the open 'Relationship' 100% agree they want to do it but my experience is that it usually involves some deceit on one side of the partnership.

    My dad banged on about open relationships and even went so far as to say him and my mum had one however
    1. My mum never agreed to it
    2. If she had slept with anyone else my dad would have hit the roof.

    I think most people who really love some one would feel like shit if they knew their partner was gettign sexual pleasure with other people. If they didn't then I recon the love is gone and they should split up.

    If you are the kind of person who wants hundreds of one night stands, don't bother making the commitment to one person - what's the point?

    she
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