RAPE

Former Member

i recently found out my friend was raped at first she said it was a boy at skool and wouldnt go to the police even wen i begged her.
today i found out why ... it wasnt a boy at skool it was her dad. her dad has been abusing her and her older brother for sum time now she wont tell her mum and wen i advise councilling she changes the subject. how do i help her im all out of ideas HELP HELP HELP!!!!

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a bird can love a fish but where would they live???

Former Member

This really discusts me, I think its foul, she really does need to talk to someone, perhaps mention childline as its annoymous or if she feels brave enough ask her to speak with counsellers or possibly even the police.

The problem we've got is that as well as being very wrong and something which MUST be stopped, shes probably aware that this will possibly break up the family, which is a huge strain to carry upon yourself especially as she will no doubt still love her dad despite...

She really must speak with someone, I'm not sure what else to advise, this is a very serious incident and I'm exceptionally saddened and distressed just thinking about it...

Former Member

Its really important this girl gets some kind of help...especially if this is still going on (is it???!!!). The best thing u can do for her if she wont tell anybody herself is to do it for her. She might hate u for this and will be mad at u for ages but after she has received help and got through it all she will thank u for it...trust me on this. She is gonna need some support and just be there for her when she needs u, dont turn your back on her. Its really hard position for u to be in and it will be a struggle but she will really need to know she isnt alone, thats sooo important. I hope things turn out ok for her, things like this really really upset me <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

Former Member

Your friend probably doesn't want to talk to anyone because, although it may seem dreadful to others, it's become something of a normality for her. She's probably very confused and scared that any action she takes will result in making everything worse, for example like Justin says by splitting up the family.

The problem with telling her mum is that she may not believe it, after all this is her husband doing this to their children, it's something that's going to be very difficult for her to come to terms with. And if she didn't believe it and spoke to you friend's dad, your friend would most likely have a very bad time of it.

Like everyone has said your friend needs to get help. Encourage her to ring Childline, and if she won't, ring it yourself because they'll be able to help you to help her. Being there for her like Lolly says is very important. I'm not entirely sure what will happen but it's going to be difficult for your friend, and she'll need a shoulder to lean on.

Good luck and I wish you all the best.

Former Member

jesus that's sick. poor girl.

what the others said:

try to get her to ring Childline (0800 1111), or u ring it urself for advice. they know what they're doing, listen to them.

u urself can help a lot to be there for her, be a friend, and it seems ur already doing that.

i hope things get better for her. and this fucker ends up in the slammer.

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Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.

Former Member

The only you can do, is be there for her. You can't go to the po's yourself because you have no right to, but a turtle said call the hotline and ask for advice in convincing her to go.

Former Member

not much advice left to give fairy_pie.

just be her friend and continue to support her. but in the end, the only person who can end this cycle of abuse is her. she needs to be the one brave enough to stand up and say something. all you can do is help her realize that.

and i agree with everyone here, this is sick and wrong and needs to stop. be gentle, but help her understand that she needs to say something or it's gonna keep happening. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

my sympathies go out to you and ur friend fairy_pie.

good luck.

Former Member

I have a friend who was molested by her dad and then, later, by her stepdad as well. And my ex boyfriend was molested by his mother. It's a really awful thing to happen, and it really tears people up inside.

It was really really hard for them to tell me what happened to them. I was the first person my friend ever told, and one of only a couple that my ex told. Neither of them like to talk about it and neither of them have gone to the police, but it stopped for both of them, and both of them have siblings that haven't been abused, and they feel that tearing up their family would be the worst thing for everyone. I probably would have gone to the police if I were them, but it's their choice.

Anyway, you have to realize that by telling you she made a really big step forward, and maybe once she feels more comfortable talking about it with you she'll go to someone else and get help.

Good luck.

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An eye for an eye makes the world blind.

Former Member

I agree with everything that has been said above, your friend has made a big step in opening up to you about this terrifying part of her life. There are many ways to help as uggested listening to her trying to get her to get counselling or calling childline. This is a situation that needs to stop for the saftey and well being of your friend and her brother. From personal experience I know how important it is to have a friend to confide in. This is because abuse destroys families, and the victim will always be afraid of that fact. The most important thing though is it destroys the lives of the victim. I would say speak to your friend and ask what help it is she seeks from you. You can always call the NSPCC helpline on 0808 800 5000 where they can advise you on what to do, it is completely anonymous and your call can't be traced. I have copied and pasted something about how their helpline works I hope it helps.

Take care
~M~

The NSPCC Child Protection Helpline


The NSPCC Child Protection Helpline is a free, 24-hour service that provides counselling, information and advice to anyone concerned about a child at risk of ill treatment or abuse.

So if you are worried about a child and don't know what to do, or if you are a concerned young person yourself, then just pick up the phone and dial 0808 800 5000. If you have a hearing difficulty, you can use our textphone 0800 056 0566.


The NSPCC Helpline is staffed by experienced counsellors who will listen and speak to you in confidence. If they need to, they will then contact social services or the police to protect a child at risk. Our Helpline counsellors can also advise on general child-care and family problems.

Help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
We never turn any one away. Remember, we are here to help you, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and calls are free. All our counsellors are trained child protection workers with years of experience of working with families. And if you'd rather talk to either a male or a female counsellor, we'll do our very best to arrange this.

Will anyone know that I've phoned?
If you're worried that people will find out that you've called us, bear in mind that the NSPCC Helpline number doesn't show up on itemised phone bills unless you call from a mobile phone. (Calling us from a mobile phone is not free.)

Remember also that we can't trace your number. We never tape-record calls either - our counsellors make written notes which are later stored away securely.

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Former Member

Not alot I can add. You have recieved some very good advice, particularly about ringing Childline yourself. They would be better placed to advise you than anyone here.

Don't waste any more time. This arsehole needs stopping.

Former Member

i don't think there is anything that i can say, that hasn't already been said. i really hope everything works out for your friend, and sumthing is seriously done about her dad. the best thing u can do is be there for her at this time, it must be so hard on her and im sure she appreciates your support. ringing childline yourself is a good idea, so at least you can have some advice for her when she needs it.
~asho~

Former Member

Originally posted by amadee:
I have a friend who was molested by her dad and then, later, by her stepdad as well. And my ex boyfriend was molested by his mother. It's a really awful thing to happen, and it really tears people up inside.

It was really really hard for them to tell me what happened to them. I was the first person my friend ever told, and one of only a couple that my ex told. Neither of them like to talk about it and neither of them have gone to the police, but it stopped for both of them, and both of them have siblings that haven't been abused, and they feel that tearing up their family would be the worst thing for everyone. I probably would have gone to the police if I were them, but it's their choice.

Anyway, you have to realize that by telling you she made a really big step forward, and maybe once she feels more comfortable talking about it with you she'll go to someone else and get help.

Good luck.

yuck. can sympathize amadee. i have friends who were victims of abuse as well. it's a horrible horrible thing for them to have to cope and live with that. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

nice to see you alive and well though. welcome back from where ever it is you went. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

Former Member

Also remember that rape has nothing to do with sexual satisfaction. It has to do with a power thing. They don't get off or anything, but it makes them feel powerful. Unless, he DOES get off and stuff, then that's but power and sexual. In MOST cases though, it's just about the power.

Molestation on the other hand is a sexual thing.

You're friend also needs to see a doctor because everything 'down there' will need to be checked. Most likely it's all torn up and it hurts because the lubricating gland doesn't work during rape.



[This message has been edited by [*cRimSOnCoLUmbiA*] (edited 27-06-2001).]

Former Member

Disregard everything I just said because I TOTALLY contradicted myself, stupid me!

Former Member

she needs to go to the police but if she dose thismiss that her life mite get ripped to shreds and only 3 out of 10 cases are one to the benefit of the women and that is not right coz these fucking men should go down for what they have done. She needs to tell someone coz if she has to live with her dad and older brother she cant escape from it !!!

i wish her all the luck in the world and hope her dad and brother go down for it . and burn in the deepest pits of Hell !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all my Lurve

Devil xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

Former Member

I know this is going to be really hard but if she wont do anything your going to have to. You ring childline and ask advice about what you can do. Dont do to much but it sounds like you really want to help your friend. She has got to be the one to do something, she will see it soon.

Former Member

rapists are the lowest of low scum, they should be castrated and i seriously think they should be labelled in society so everyone knows what they've done. its not "a phase", people capable of such things should be made to suffer as they have made others

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call me satan <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/angryfire.gif"&gt;