Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options

Having a Baby??? Help!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok here is a letter i wrote to some people that have had a baby at a young age like myself and my girlfriend. Just look over the note and if you have some advice or anything please post back.

Hi,
I saw your email address on a teen parent site. I would like to get some help from you. About 3-4 weeks ago, my girlfriend and i were having sex and she quickly pulled back and she took the condom with her with all the come inside. Well she didnt notice at first till i said "uhh my condom isnt on my cock anymore" and then she went in the bathroom and relized that it was stuck up inside of her. When she pulled it out she said " The condom had nothing inside of it, it all leaked out inside" so after that i knew that she was pregnant and shes getting signs of a pregnant woman. Im 16 and she's 17. The only real problem that i hold with having this baby is her mother. I want the child if she is going to have one, i have the money to provide for the baby and my girlfriend. I also know that im never going to leave the mother beacause we talked about getting married and engaged so many times. I just want to know if its going to screw everything up for us. We dont goto parties, we dont hang with friends, we dont do anything that normal people would miss if they were going to have a kid. We just hang around with eachother and we both love eachother to death so were fine.
Can you explain to me what im going to have to go through i mean bad stuff, the cost for baby isnt a problem so dont worry about that i just want to know about her mom and how she could act towards it, and if an abortion is the way to go or not
We always say we want it though but we dont know all the facts about having one at this age. Im against the whole abortion thing i find it grosse but if thats better for us then ill do it.
Let me know what you think and what you can tell me.

[This message has been edited by ImStephs (edited 18-06-2001).]

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hello dude. welcome to thesite. it's a nice place and the people are pretty nice, so stay awhile.

    interesting way to introduce urself to the place, btw. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;

    the one thing i think you need to think about long and hard is really how much of your lives you want to give up.

    it's not the money or committment to each other or her mother that is the biggest issue, it's how this baby will become your lives.

    a child needs constant attention. this means sleepless nights, diaper changing, feeding it regularly, doctor appointments. all you will be doing for the next few years is working and taking care of this child. and for people your age, you're gonna be missing out on all the things other teenagers do.

    so the question i pose to you two is how mature are you? because if your not careful and neglect to really really think about the committment you are about to undertake, you may come to resent your child for taking your life from you. and that is no way to bring up a child.

    but if you are comfortable with the idea that your family comes first, and that this is a LIFELONG committment, then you should consider this.

    now as for the other choices like abortion or putting the child up for adoption, there's really no need to say anything because i'm sure you guys know that either decision is extremely difficult. if you choose either of these routes, just be abosolutely sure both of you are comfortable with it.

    good luck dude.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hello, ok well wot i am gonna say is not intended to hurt or offend u i am just going to tell it like it its. ok, u r 16, i really dont understand how at this age u can provide the money for a baby, u will have 2 buy a cot, pram, clothes, nappys, toys, bottles, bottle sterilizer, decorate babys room, toys, i am sorry but there is no way ullbe able 2 that by urself.

    then there is the answer to the question about the bad things that u will have to cope with well, getting up every 2 hours during the night, ur gf will have a lot of hormonal changes, lack of money, there r so many things, u really need to talk this thru with ur gf, otherwise it will be to late to have an abortion (if thatis what u chose to do)

    good luck
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hello, ok well wot i am gonna say is not intended to hurt or offend u i am just going to tell it like it its. ok, u r 16, i really dont understand how at this age u can provide the money for a baby, u will have 2 buy a cot, pram, clothes, nappys, toys, bottles, bottle sterilizer, decorate babys room, toys, i am sorry but there is no way ullbe able 2 that by urself.

    then there is the answer to the question about the bad things that u will have to cope with well, getting up every 2 hours during the night, ur gf will have a lot of hormonal changes, lack of money, there r so many things, u really need to talk this thru with ur gf, otherwise it will be to late to have an abortion (if thatis what u chose to do)

    good luck
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey,

    Wow thanks for getting back to me. Calvin thanks for welcoming me to the board. Im glad to be here and it seems that so far people are nice.

    We have discussed it and we are different then other teenagers. We dont do everything other teenagers do, so we have nothing to lose if the baby comes because we dont do those things that others lose.

    Jozzie, you said toys 2 times... does that mean double the toys? (heh j/k) Money , really ill leave it like this instead of bragging about it. I dont have to work till im 40 something even if i had 3 kids. All 3 kids would get top notch things to. I used to work WWW. jobs and got lots of money from doing webdesign, and graphics.

    I dont know, i really want the baby, mostly we want a boy first so the oldest is a boy. My only concern is the parents that's it. My girlfriend is the sweetest person you'll ever meet and the only thing she was really worried about was me leaving her like 90% of the people do after they have a child at this age. I told her i wont and i made that a promise which , promises i never break. I love her to much to do that too her.

    Thanks to those who have posted so far, and thanks in advance to those who will. Little more information on facts and the living would be nice, didnt find a lot on it on the web.

    -Chris
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello, and welcome. I'm glad you like it here.

    I can't really add to anything that's been said, just be absolutely sure it's the right thing for you. Maybe a good idea would be to talk to a doctor or family planning clinic about what to expect.

    I know there are a couple mothers and fathers here who can probably give you some good advice.

    Just be sure that you fully realize that for the next 18 years your days will be full of taking care of your child.

    You say that you won't miss out on normal teenage things, because you don't do them, but now it's because you choose to not do them. if you have the baby you won't have any choice.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by ImStephs:
    we have nothing to lose if the baby comes because we dont do those things that others lose.

    Hi Chris, welcome to The Site, you're right that the people here are nice and we'll always help you out if you need it. The letter sounds fine, it would probably be useful for you to get feedback from this couple because their knowledge will be applied to a real situation.

    When you have a baby it's not just the things like going out that you lose. It's the whole concept of being a couple that's lost. Instead you become a family, and at least the first few years you'll have to put the extra member first all the time.

    As well as the physical freedom to go out when you want, you lose mental and emotional freedom as well. Mental freedom being where you only need to think about what you need (I don't mean you don't consider others' feelings, but you've never before had someone else whose life depends on you, and it's a big responsibility).

    Emotional freedom is the way you love each other now. Once you've had a baby, your whole relationship will be different. It won't just be the two of you plus your baby. The balance of everything will have shifted and it will all be very different. Are you ready for that?

    Best thing to do about her parents is tell them as soon as possible. They may be upset or angry at first but they'll still love her and be there for her, and she'll need all the support she can get, whatever her decision.

    At the end of the day the decision's up to you guys, but I'd advise you to think very seriously about it. Good luck <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Oh, and I'd recommend that you read "Dear Nobody" by Berlie Doherty. It's a very poignant novel about teenage pregnancy and it raises a lot of points relevant to your situation. Might help you a bit....
Sign In or Register to comment.