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still a virgin: need help

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, this is my first post and I was told this site is very useful and basically I am 21, male and from Wales and I am in a relationship and I have never had sex before, but my g/f has told me she would like to make love soon, as its been 3 months. I have been holding out until I am sure I love her and I do know that I love her very much and she makes me so unbelievably happy.

one problem *she doesn't know I am a virgin* I have told her stories of my past sex life and she seemed to get off on it and she really does want sex soon and to be honest I want to as well, I am just so worried that my sexual prowess *lack off* will give me away straight away. Please I really want my first time with her to be special and I really want to set the mood with her.

How do I make it seem as tho I know what I am doing, we have had intense foreplay but at a crucial moment, I have backed off and I know she has been upset about it, but I really do love her and I so want to make sweet love to her.


Girls & Boys: HELP!!!!!!!
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    so basically u lied to ur gf and said that u'd had sex? or did i read that hte wrong way?

    Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; if you saw what she was like, she is absolutely beautiful and her best mate told me that my girlfriend used to have sex 6 times a day with her ex, even tho he was a bad boy, I lied to make myself look better, I know its a bad thing to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bad bad bad. no sympathy. basically, u can either admit to lying to her and hope u can minimise the damage, or u can hope ur just plain good.

    Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    so what can I do?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dunno <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt; i was just telling u off for lying to ur gf. one of hte advice godesses will come along and be useful

    Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it all depends on how much detail you went into when u told your gf about your "previous" sexual experience. You have 2 choices, you can tell the truth and hope she understands (good chance of this) or you could hope she doesnt notice, but Im sure someone who was having sex 6 times a day will notice, dont you?
    I think, as long as you tell the truth you can't go wrong.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Turtle:
    one of hte advice godesses will come along and be useful

    Turtle am I allowed to be a goddess yet? <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt; Anyway, I'm here.

    Every relationship is different Cherry_Pop because all people are different. When two people start having sex they're going to be finding out all the things that turn each other on, which are different for each person. So she'll probably be just as nervous as you are because it'll be her first time with you.

    I don't know if she'd be able to tell you were a virgin though (I'm too inexperienced) but from rumours I've heard you might find it more difficult to get it together physically than you're expecting, which might give her a hint....

    Anyway like Turtle says you shouldn't have lied to her, it just makes things more difficult for you now. If you'd told her you were a virgin to start with it wouldn't have made any difference to her (and if it did she's a bitch). Maybe now if you tell her she'll be less positive about it just because you've lied to her, so you have the choice of risking that, or going ahead without telling her and risk being humiliated....
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    ahh the infamous cherry pop that thesite's welcomed already at the top of the forums <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; nice to meet you, your name preceeds you <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

    ok. i think you know you made a mistake here. if you love your gf and she means a lot to you, then you need to tell her the truth. you shouldnt be lying and keeping things from each other if you want this to be a good, lasting relationship.

    for your first time, and your first time together, to be special, i think you need to be aware of the other's sexual history. in vague terms, i dont think theres any *need* for details... oh you know what i mean <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; just like if youve had sex before and if it was like once or considerably more. well i get the feeling im not phrasing this well at all... okay. if you have no experience in sex and all the foreplay that goes along with it, then youre gonna have to do a pretty good job to convince her of the stories you've told her. definitely think honesty's the best policy here. and hopefully if she understands, she'll be able to guide and advise you,and tell you what she likes and encourage you and soon you'll wonder what you were so worried about <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    *to answer your next question lol...*

    i think you need to sit her down some time soon, and say that theres something you need to tell her. say that you werent entirely truthful about your sexual past. you realise you made a mistake, but you wanted her to think more highly of you and consider you as a prospective long term partner, and you thought that by exaggerating your past, this would be a way. and how you realise how that this wasnt the case as it hasnt caused any problems with you so far, and that you regret not being honest with her from the start. say that you saw she seemed to enjoy hearing about your past sex life, and elaborated on it, to please her more. but that these stories were mainly fabricated, but that you hope for some of the things you talked about, to be shared between you and her sometime in the future? maybe.. something along those lines. but like, in your own words and adding and taking away bits you dont like <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    im sure someone will come along and phrase this much better than me now without using so many goddamn words! lol

    "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
    ~ Nietzsche
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ive talked to my girl and told her and she told me a few truths too that she never had sex siz times a day, but shes had sex and she hated it becuase her ex was a bastard and that sex was always rushed and that it wasn;t loving or enjoyable.

    what happens now?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Cherry_Pop_2001:
    what happens now?

    Whatever you want to happen.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First of all, it's good to know that you're relationship is awesome enough for you to be able to admit you lied to her.

    Now, if you decide you're both ready, you have sex.
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    glad to hear you talked and sorted it all out cherry pop <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; hehe after i wrote my massive post as well, since you posted yours 10 mins later im guessing you did it all before reading that! ah well, no matter.

    its good that you're being open with each other now. but, as for whats next, thats totally your call <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
    ~ Nietzsche
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hello cherry pop. welcome to the site. it's a nice place with nice people. stay awhile <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    now you take it slow. you've been given a second chance here to do things right, so don't blow it. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    you've opened the communication lines with your girl so use it wisely. talk to her about what she didn't like with her ex. maybe tell her the things you'd like to experience from this relationship.

    then after you guys feel comfortable with the idea of sex, there isn't much left to do but get the protection and let what ever is going to happen, happen.

    good luck dude.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Girl-From-Mars:
    hehe after i wrote my massive post as well, since you posted yours 10 mins later im guessing you did it all before reading that! ah well, no matter.


    HAHAHAA that means he took my advice, possibly.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well,w e made love for the first time last night, admittedly without protection, as she has the injection. It was nice, although I couldn't guide myself into her hole at first, and I got frustrated, but she did it herself and although I came virtually straight away, we tried again and ended up going for 45 minutes at first. Is that good?

    has any bloke experianced the miss-guiding the whole thing?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hello. welcome to the site. sorry i didn't get to welcome you right away but i had real life problems to deal with. I'm glad you're here, stay a while, you'll find it fun I'm sure.

    anyway! i'm very glad you talked to your girlfriend, and that it all sorted out.

    as for your questions...

    it can be hard to guide your penis into the vagina at first, it's just something you get used to and gets easier as time goes along. Coming straight away is another thing that is normal for first-timers, again, that will go away with time. Going for 45 minutes is good, not too long not too short <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; but any time is good if you're in a loving relationship.

    Basically, just take things slowly, don't feel pressured to do anything, and don't feel like you're inadequite in any way (I promise you're not, you're going through perfectly normal problems that everyone has to deal with). The more you and your girlfriend have sex the more you'll learn what eachother likes. You'll be able to get inside her no problem, and last longer, it just takes a bit of work and time.

    Have fun!

    An eye for an eye makes the world blind.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think u need 2 tell ur gf the truth!! otherwise you cud end up in a really sticky situation! she obviously loves u so lyin 2 her cud really jeopardise ur relationship!
    i no u did it to impress her but she shudn't need impressin if she really loves!!
    if i were u i wud tell her the truth and then sort things out - who nos wot it mite led to!!
    hope that helped
    hippy chick
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    okay obviously im blind!!! oops!!!!
    just ignore my last post <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Girl-From-Mars:
    kat, did you read the rest of the post, at all?


    Actually i was in a hurry last night so ive just read it now.... will everyone stop being bitchy to me?????
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kat:
    will everyone stop being bitchy to me?????

    no, its fun <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt; j/k <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

    Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah but in my present mood i'm fucking well pissed with all you lot. I'm not even aloud to have my own opinion if not im told....'thats a generalisation' I said it was my opinion and still i get attacked for it. For fucks sake can't youa ll geta life once in a while. And YES that is a generalisation.................

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Kat:
    Yeah but in my present mood i'm fucking well pissed with all you lot. I'm not even aloud to have my own opinion if not im told....'thats a generalisation' I said it was my opinion and still i get attacked for it. For fucks sake can't youa ll geta life once in a while. And YES that is a generalisation.................


    for fucks sake kat it was my opinion that it was a generalistion, i even apologised to keep the peace so why do you keep bringing it up!?!?!



    There's a girl in my mirror
    I wonder who she is
    Sometimes I think I know her
    Sometimes I really wish I did
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It wasn't aimed at you so don't take it so personally. I just needed a rant. So don't take it personally.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Drifter mate.. i wasn't aimed at you... at all. I know you apologised but there was no need to apologise so it doesn't matter coz that was you opinion. Everyones getting on everyones nerves now..........
    and i've just wriiten what i thought i'd wriiten b4 in my journal. So soryr i thought i'd already stated that it wasn't aimed at you!!!

    and sorry to the person whos post ive just taken over......SORRY!!!


    [This message has been edited by Kat (edited 17-06-2001).]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    phew sorry i kind of have a tendency to take things personally. glad things are ok <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;


    There's a girl in my mirror
    I wonder who she is
    Sometimes I think I know her
    Sometimes I really wish I did
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay, you`ve told her you`ve had sex so saying you`re a virgin is sort of out of the question.
    Before you get into sex, try fingering/fisting her first. This will help you figure out what turns her on so that when you have sex your inexperience may show through a little less.
    Its also a great little tool for foreplay.
    Originally posted by Cherry_Pop_2001:
    yeah <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt; if you saw what she was like, she is absolutely beautiful and her best mate told me that my girlfriend used to have sex 6 times a day with her ex, even tho he was a bad boy, I lied to make myself look better, I know its a bad thing to do.



    "Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    One more thing.
    Even if you're shit (I was apparently 5 out of 10, not bad for a beginner <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">), doesn`t mean she has to know you're a virgin...

    And if you've gone around telling her you`ve had sex as much as she has then I`m afraid the above advice is unlikely to work as no one can have sex that much and still be crap. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    "Honesty is just an excuse for lack of imagination."
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it's great that you and your gf have talked everything over and had a really good night together.
    but you really need to be using condoms, male or female. go to a clinic and get some free ones or something. unless both of you have been tested for every STD and HIV, you can't be sure. next time, wear a condom, please, for your own good!
    not trying to be mean, just want you to be safe
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Talyn:
    One more thing.
    Even if you're shit (I was apparently 5 out of 10, not bad for a beginner <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; ), doesn`t mean she has to know you're a virgin...

    And if you've gone around telling her you`ve had sex as much as she has then I`m afraid the above advice is unlikely to work as no one can have sex that much and still be crap. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;


    u soooo dont read the replies, do you.

    Look into these tired eyes. See something you might recognise.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Turtle leave them alone!!

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