really funny xmas peom!!!

Former Member

(To the tune of Mistletoe and Wine)

DREAMING OF A SCOUSE CHRISTMAS.........


Christmas time,drunkenness and crime,
Children playing-in filth and grime,
With cars on fire-and trainees under tree,
Time to rejoice-in be-ing scally

It's a time for stealing,a time for receiving,
Knock-off gear-worra great feelin
Why pay top dollor-yer can nick it for free,
just like our lecky,-gas and TV


Christmas time,pissups all the time,
Nicking ciggies-spirits and wine,
Wearing shell-suits and Nykees-all knocked off gear
It's great getting pissed-on someone else's beer


It's a time for drinkin-six packs of Stella
Dat yer got-from some dodgy Fella
Christmas is sound-Christmas is best
God bless our Cilla-and the DHSS


Christmas time-time to joy-ride
Then go and visit-family inside
With Dad on a six stretch-and sis up the duff
This 'City of Culcher' can get pretty rough


So next time your driving-through Liverpool-city
You may just know why-the streets look so shitty
So keep a sharp eye out-for those dodgy deals
But don't drive too slow-or they'll pinch all four wheels

Former Member

LOL dude, kick ass!

Former Member

A Liverpool F.C scout returns from Bosnia raving about a new Teenage superstar he's seen in the war torn country.

Gerard Houllier is convinced and is so desperate for no one else to snatch him up that he signs the boy without looking at him for himself.

The boy arrives in Liverpool for Saturday's game, and is on the bench. With ten minutes to go Owen gets injured and is stretchered off.

Houllier points to the new Bosnian boy: "This is your big chance, son. Go out there and do the business for us". The lad strips off his shell suit and takes to the pitch.

In those dying minutes he's a revelation, scoring a hat trick. The Kop goes mad. After the game Houllier gives the new boy a big hug in the changing room. "Great performance son. Go and give your parents a ring at home. They'll be so proud of you. You can use the phone in my office".

The lad goes into the boss's office and rings his mum. "Mum, I've just had the best debut; I scored a hat-trick!..........you don't sound very happy though; why are you crying? Is everything okay?"

"No, son, today has been the worst yet. Your dad has been shot, they've raped your sister, and the house has been burnt
to the ground."

"God, mum, that's terrible; I'm really sorry"

"So you should be son.

It was your idea for us to move to Liverpool."

Former Member

Some scousers arrive at Heaven's Gates and beg for entry.

St Peter says he will have to check with God first.

"God, there's some scousers at the gates, wanting admission, should it be granted."

God replies, "No, there's no place for them here."

St Peter heads off to tell the scousers, but returns a moment later and says to God, "They've gone!".

"What the scousers?"

"No the gates!"

Former Member

http://www.rathergood.com/val_halal/

Scousers.... in penguin suits.... with viking swords. :yes:

With Slayer-Skeletons of Society as the song

(Edited because I forgot to mention SLAYER!)

Former Member

No offence intended to scousers re-above joke!

Just remembered when I posted that elsewhere some one got a bit upset!

All I could come back with was, “what’s your problem – someone stolen your sense of humour?”

Even he saw the funny side of that!