Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Etiquette in the Age of Herpes

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have been in a monogamous relationship for a decade. No condoms, no STDs to worry about, worry-free oral sex, etc. Now I am about to become a single again and I have no idea how the singles world deals with these issues. What is the etiquette today?

Do you all just use condoms all the time and avoid oral sex? That doesn't sound like much fun. Most people have herpes 1 (cold sores around mouth) which would make oral sex eventually lead to genital sores.

Do you share medical test results before getting physical? This is rather clinical and passionless but probably the safest way. It would require really mature and rational people though on both sides.

Do you just risk it and say damn the consequences? This seems like more typical Saturday night behavior.

What is going on out there? With herpes for example people are shedding virus all the time, even when not having an outbreak, I would think this would make oral sex totally off limits and make condoms mandatory all the time to avoid spreading the virus all over the bodies of both partners. Is it really that bad out there? I really don't feel like getting infected. Years ago I almost got together with a girl but I asked her about it and she admitted she had herpes, very brave of her, I decided it was not worth the risk and called it off but I did admire her honesty - although she did not volunteer the info, I had to ask!

Nobody talks about this on these sex boards but it must be a huge issue. I am just curious how people are handling it. An unfortunate side effect is infected people often seem to resent uninfected people and think they are selfish for not wanting to get infected, so I expect some insults, oh well.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    a good point in this would be to say sex with someone new, no oral, condoms a must and once in a relationship the dangers start to emerge if there is any...just get to know them I suppose before doing all the better parts of sex

    I just have to be me!
    (everyone else was taken when I got there)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Condoms are a must when you sleep with anyone. Regardless of whether it's your first time or whether you've been together forever.

    Sex = Condom.

    As for oral, i've never not given oral and i definitely don't have anything, but that doesn't mean you won't catch anything.

    Always be careful. You really don't want to go through the agony that is an hiv test.

    It's too bad a wait to wish on anyone.

    Everything about you is how i want to be.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "Condoms are a must when you sleep with anyone. Regardless of whether it's your first time or whether you've been together forever.

    Sex = Condom."

    Really, I have to say I find that a very strange attitude. Why on earth would you keep using condoms if both you and your partner had no diseases and she was on the Pill? I have been sexually active for 20 years and used a condom maybe twice, and never had a problem. Of course, I tend to stay in long relationships. Maybe today's youth is more promiscuous.

    "Always be careful. You really don't want to go through the agony that is an hiv test."

    I have taken an HIV test and so has my most recent partner, we did it for each other and shared the results. And yes I know the virus can take up to six months for the antibodies to develop, we took that into account. I was also tested for herpes and other diseases and so was she. We were both negative and have had ten years of worry free uninhibited sex. Once we both tested negative we never had to worry about condoms.

    Dating someone new is a totally different matter of course, if you want to have sex before getting and sharing test results, you had better use a condom. But I certainly don't plan on a lifetime of using condoms, it ain't natural. Frankly if I thought my partner might be putting me at risk for HIV I would skip sex altogether with that person rather than rely on a condom. I would be too afraid of it breaking.

    I wonder what you would think of this article:
    http://www.salon.com/sept97/columnists/unzipped970903.html
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    STD's aren't the only thing you could be left with. the pill ain't 100% effective. trust me. condoms give a little more reassurance than just the pill by itself.

    <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/tdo13.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I understand the point that that article is trying to make, but i still think that they're worth using.

    If you're in the position where you're in a long term monogomous relationship, shes on the pill, and if she did get pregnant it wouldnt be a big disaster, then i can see that it might be ok to take the risk and not use condoms, but personally, and especially at my age (16), i wouldnt tae the risk. Its not worth it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Believe it or not but you can actually catch herpes even when using a condom. You would just have to hope that the person you are gonna shag is honest with you! Thing is though, even if someone does have herpes, it doesn't necessily mean you are gonna catch it, if someone has it, it might not even come back again so you shouldn't not sleep with someone just becuase they have had it before. I know it's something you can't ever get rid of but everyone actually has it inside them, it's just whether it's triggered off or not. My mate caught it and her and her boyf have a healthy sex life and he's never caught it off her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Although herpes is more common than many of us might think, it is NOT true that 'it is inside all of us'.

    We have a factfile about genital herpes here, which could be useful if you want to find out more about it: http://www.thesite.org/sex/sexual_health/genital_herpes.html
Sign In or Register to comment.