it's my birthday, my 16th, i should be happy...

Former Member

but for some reason I'm not. For some FUCKING REASON all I want to do is get everyone away from me. I've had presents and people being nice to me... but I feel I dont deserve it, any of it, I don't even know why I'm like this, I said I wouldn't post like this again but I'm coming here in a final plead for help. Everyone knows I'm on that fucking waiting list, have been for like a month, I can't take it anymore, I need IMMEDIATE help... I need someone. I want someone. I have one person who I feel I can call a friend... I think she's the best person in the world... I have noone to call my boyfriend... I'm a guy by the way... I end up like this, my brain slowing pace, everyone trying to be nice and still all I do is fuck things up, make them feel like it's not appreciated... I need someone... something so fucking fast or else I'm just gonna... I don't know what I'm gonna do... I feel like I'm losing ground against my feelings in a no win situation... someone please, help.

Former Member

OK, not quite sure what you mean exactly, but if you're feeling desperate or thinking about hurting yourself then try talking to the Samaritans. They will help you to talk it through, may be able to refer you to help in your area, and won't judge you.

Link at the bottom of this article:
http://www.thesite.org/info/health/depression/feeling_suicidal.html

Former Member

thank you for help... but I can't call that.. no privacy here, I don't feel like harming, I don't know what I feel like, I want to give up, I'm running out of power to fight this... I've never felt my brain shut off like this, I'm having trouble thinking what to write or say or put or move my finger, and then I make little sense... I'm sorry...

Former Member

surely you can go to a phone box and phone the samaritans if you have no privacy at home? you're not going to get much help on here cos nobody here's a proffessional counsellor (that I know of!), that's who you should be talking to.

Former Member

Chaos im not sure what I can say to make you feel any better:)

I could be totally wrong here ok but I will go ahead anyway, so please correct me if im wrong.

I feel that you maybe have been treated badly in the past, you feel unloved and unwanted? I think that sometimes you want to have that perfect relationship but it never comes. You meet someone, everything goes along ok then they leave and youre left with nothing. I remember a couple of posts you have made before and I get the impression that you feel alone and have nobody, be it family or friends. Does any of that make sense?

All I would say is your on that list, you will get help. Can you not contact them and let them know youre feeling much worse then hopefully you can be seen sooner, I know sometimes the people who say nothing get put to the back of lists because others keep telephoning and saying they need help now.

Just hang in there ok, hope your feeling a bit better soon:)

Former Member

sweetie its ok.

There's no law that says you HAVE to be happy all the time - remember the song "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to"?!

Having said that, I agree that you need to talk to someone. Maybe if you can't phone the samaritans you could talk to someone in school in confidence?

Former Member

Hey Chaos, hope your feeling slightly better now. I can relate to the 'no privacy to call' but you could try email (jo@samaritans.org) I mean I did and although in all honesty it wasn't terrifically helpful, i do know some people who it has really helped. And you'll only know if you try. It must be hard but keeping looking forward to the fact you will be seeing someone.And just beacuse it's your birthday doesn't mean you have to be happy and all smily and sociable, hell i cut myself on christmas day last year.
Again hope your o.k. pm me if you ever want to:)
xxx